Saying Goodbye...

to two different people who had quite an impact on my life...

First, a fond farewell to James Doohan, TV's Montgomery Scott. Here's
Reuters' quick take, and IMDB has a complete filmography. One of my favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation was 'Relics', when the Enterprise discoverd that Scotty was alive and well 75 years after it was thought his ship was lost. He then has a conversation with the curreent chief engineer Geordi LaForge:

Scotty: "Starfleet captains are like children. They want everything right now and they want it their way. But the secret is to give them only what they need, not what they want."
LaForge: "Yeah, well, I told the captain I'd have this analysis done in an hour."
Scotty: "How long will it really take?"
LaForge: "An hour."
Scotty: "You didn't tell him now long it would really take, did you?"
LaForge: "Of course I did."
Scotty: "Laddie, you got a lot to learn if you want people to think of you as a miracle worker!"

Essentially, the secret to Scotty's magic was to multiply every estimate by at least a factor of four, and emerge a genius.

The second loss isn't all that public, but still important. Gerry Thomas lost a long-running battle with cancer on Monday. If you've ever been single, or left alone at home when you wer a kid, you're familiar with his work. Forbes has a quick story on him, but to summarize, in 1954 he came up with the idea of the TV Dinner. While the idea of a precooked dinner was unique, it was the 'TV' concept that really made the product stand out. TV was coming into its own, and somehow the two concepts were joined as one.

So join me as I dig into some Salisbury Steak and watch some Star Trek reruns.

Courage,
Mike G.

Second Childhood...

Remember when we were younger and play 'army'? We'd go out with our plastic guns [which had no bright orange endcaps] and depending on where you lived, your gun would have a unique audio signature:

"Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh-Eh"

"Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch"

"P-Chow! P-Chow!"

"Pyew! Pyew" [someone would always cheat and shoot lasers]

Well, thanks to the Telegraph newspaper, we're finding out that the British Army is reliving their childhoods.

Courage,

Mike G.

Tact During Armageddon...

Most of you have been forwarded the occasional news story that makes you shudder and weep for the future of mankind. But what about the people that have to report that news?

I mean, what are the journalistic guidelines that one needs to follow when police discover a farm used as a hot bed of bestiality?

Editor and Publisher has a story on that very subject.

From that story, I now present the Quote of the Day...

But because Washington is one of 17 states that does not outlaw bestiality, having sex with a horse is not a crime and his death will not be investigated...Police are still making sure that sex was not forced on the smaller, weaker animals, thus constituting animal cruelty (which is a crime).

Courage,

Mike G.

Some Bitter "Hot Coffee"...

As someone who at least tries to keep tabs on the Religious Right[being a fan of wrestling and video games will do that], I've been following the whole 'Grand Theft Auto' sex game story.

The basic story is this: Someone [or a group of someones] released a mod called Hot Coffee for the PC version of GTA: San Andreas. The mod, or modification allowed the player to engage in a button-pressing game to satisfy his girlfriend.

Rockstar Games, the creators of the GTA franchise replied that the modification was created...

"In violation of the software user agreement, hackers created the 'Hot
Coffee' modification by disassembling and then combining, recompiling and
altering the game's source code."

This made some sense, since many PC games come with tools so users can create new scenarios, missions and in some cases entirely new games.

But Rockstar's claims seem to fly in the face of recent news. Gamespot and others have discovers that with a few minor tweaks, the PS2 version of San Andreas contains the same scenes. You can find how they did it here.

While the game is nowhere near as explicit as the video-game crusaders claim, it's cold comfort as it looks like Rockstar deliberately lied.

If you don't like others telling you what you can and can't buy, it would serve you well to watch where this story goes. I'll make sure to update when events warrant.

Courage,
Mike G.

A Half-Full Glass...or Rink, I Guess.

While it's great that Hockey looks to be back, I hope that people don't forget about the minor leagues that have been running before, during and after all these labor/management troubles.

I had a soft spot for the late, great IHL [Go Dragons!], but my allegiences now lie with the Odessa Jackalopes of the Central Hockey League. Chances are, there's a team somewhere near you. While some NHL teams look to be lowering prices to woo fans back, don't forget these guys.

On a slightly related note:

I'm a big fan of logo design, especially sports team logos. Some enterprising soul has collected logos from all over the sports world. Click here and enjoy.

Courage,

Mike G.

Appreciation...

A quick word of thanks to everyone visiting this lil' blog from Richard's site. Hopefully, you'll find something to keep you coming back, even when I'm not getting beat up by a girl when I'm in spandex.

Courage,

Mike G.

Guess What?

Sorry, no stories of personal humiliation right now.

Instead, I wanted to point you folks to some funny Internet radio.

I've met these guys from my previous adventures with the P1WAC, and even though I've mentioned it before, it was always with the assumption that they would get tired of it, and end it all in some odd murder/suicide pact.

They've just celebrated their 50th episode, and I'm proud to say they're almost funny.

Their site is located here, so please feel free to give them a listen.

Courage,
Mike G.

Time Out...

I know I don't exactly have the authority, but I'd like to kindly ask the hundreds of news reporters across the land to please resist the temptation to put the word "Menace" anywhere near any sort of discussion of Hurricane Dennis.

We get it.

Courage,

Mike G.

My Political Aspirations...

Are now down the toilet, thanks to a series of photographs.


Enjoy the show.

Now I need to go find a gas oven, as the one in my apartment is electric, and sticking my head in it wasn't working.

Courage,
Mike G.

Live From the Scene...

Repercussions And Concussions...

So I just got back from the weigh-in/face-off. Soon you'll be able to see pics from the event at Richard's site.

You know how you have a favorite spot that you come back to time and time again? I've got one of those too.

It's called Well Enough Alone, and I can't seem to leave it, no matter how hard I try.

My opponent, the lovely Razen kane arrived with a group of her fellow Derby Devils. I had my good pal Bro. Mike by my side to serve as backup.

It didn't go well at first.

As near as I can tell, the Derby Devils were under the impression that their opponent was going to be some sort of misogynist he-man, and presented themselves accordingly. They were dead serious about kicking some ass.

Then they met me, pretty much the opposite of those things.

Like any good self-deprecating passive aggressive, I took their needling with a smile. I openly confessed my total lack of fight experience, and predicted my defeat. Near the end of the show, I felt that I hadn't made the best case for myself, even though my chances for success are slim.

So I decided to take a page from my book of wrestling knowledge, and play the role of The Cowardly Heel. This occurs when the bad guy, or heel waits for his opponent to leave or be distracted. He then strikes, either verbally or physically. If he's discovered or confronted with his crimes, he denies any involvement and tries to escape any comeuppance.

So with a few minutes left in the show, I decided to let fly some caustic comments, including one in which I stated my doubts that Miss Kane might have more than the standard number of chromosomes. I also questioned whether Roller Derby was a legitimate sport.

This would have gone according to plan, except for the fact that the Derby Devils had not actually left the building.

You can hear the aftermath by subscribing to the P1WAC-Cast. I don't really get going till about the 18th minute.

The fight will be tomorrow night. Please tune in. Like I said, I'll probably lose and lose big. I do hope that the Devils will see beyond my pettiness, and that we can all be friends.

After I get my ass kicked.

Also, my statement about creating my own Roller Derby League with a pair of skates and some plywood was incredibly inaccurate. I should have referred to it as a flat track. I would need some bricks to make a banked track. I regret the error.

Courage,
Mike G.

The Heads Are Rolling...

In an attempt to feel better about my impending doom, Here's some people who are also experiencing some hard times.

In anticipation of their move to USA Network from SpikeTV, the WWE released some of their performers. The reasoning goes that since the WWE won't have the ad rights during their shows, they stand to lose a good 10 percent of Total Revenue.

Here's the latest list of cuts with some commentary thrown in.

Joy Giovanni - One of the interchangeable Divas. As hot as she was, her only real TV time was spent locked in a trunk. She was originally meant to be Big Show's girlfriend, but the visual picture that caused is just...ew.

Kenzo Suzuki - Talented cruiserweight, but made little or no impact.

Matt Morgan - Seemed to show potential as Carlito's backup, his fate was sealed when he made the jump to RAW.

Charlie Haas - Another guy that could have made it, but just didn't. At least he found his true love...

Jackie Gayda - A product of MTV's Tough Enough, she dated Charlie on and off camera, and they recently married.

Marty Jannetty - Not unexpected. Marty was brought in for a quick cameo a while ago, but surprised everyone when he showed he still had something. A case of riding the gravy train to it's eventual end.

Dawn Marie - Was cast to be a villainess against the other Divas, which wasn't that much of a stretch from her role in ECW. During her stay in the WWE, she seduced and married Al Wilson, father of Torrie, and killed him during a night of passion.

Mark Jindrak - A case of the manager surpassing the wrestler. Teddy Long touted him as the 'reflection of perfection'. I hope they let him keep the mirror.

Maven - The first winner of Tough Enough. Had some early fame as a rookie. Reduced recently to being running buddies with Simon Dean.

Shannon Moore - Yet Another Cruiserweight; was once the only follower of Matt Hardy Version 1.

James Yun (Akio) - Yes, Another Cruiserweight.

David Heath (Gangrel) - Had just about the coolest entrance in all of pro wrestling. Even though his vampire teeth, puffy shirt and chalice full of red corn syrup scream 'Goth Kid', it worked. Hard to fathom that Edge and Christian were brought in to support his persona and shtick.

Billy Kidman - This is one of the most startling cuts. A perennial Cruiserweight Champ, Kidman has always been a strong performer in and out of the ring. And when you find out that he's married to Torrie Wilson, you'd think that his spot was ironclad.

Kevin Fertig - Was known as Mordecai. You will be forgiven if you have no idea who this was.

Spike Dudley - Another shocker. The 'runt of the litter' could always be counted on to take a crazy bump.

In related news, the WWE also said they will not be renewing the contracts of The Dudley Boyz. Ever since their days in ECW, they've been a dominant force in the tag-team division. As I understand it, they were kept off of TV in the months prior to One Night Stand to give their appearance a special feel. I guess having it be your last is pretty special.

I might have to write another post about how this impacts my Fantasy Wrestling roster.

Or not.

Courage,
Mike G.

2 Days Left...

I invite all members of the blogosphere and conventional media to bear witness to the weigh-in and face-to-face confrontation between I and Razen Kane. The weigh-in will be tomorrow night, but we'll be facing off in the ring Thursday night for The Ticket's Fight Night. In addition to the radio and Internet broadcast, you should also be able to see a plausibly live slideshow.

If you won't be able to listen to the fight, please come back to the blog Thursday night for a quick audio recap.

Hopefully, everything will go well, but in case she decides to re-create the end of Million Dollar Baby, it's been fun.

Courage,

Mike G.

Details...

So, for those outside The Ticket's signal, it looks like this Thursday I'll be stepping into the squared circle with a member of the Dallas Derby Devils for the previously mentioned Ticket Fight Night. Never mind that I've never actually been in any sort of fight. Ignore the fact that I would have to work out to be out of shape.

I have an edge.

I will be in a [not yet determined] Superhero outfit.

Frankly, I really can't win. First, there's the requisite shame of getting beat by a girl. Second[and this is a stretch], if I win I can't very well celebrate that fact.

I think a face-to-face encounter is being planned, and as always I'll post the details.

Courage,

Mike G.

This'll Be Good...

I guess I'm a sucker for the spotlight.

Coming up next week, I've agreed to once more put my ever-shrinking dignity on the line.

I'll post more when the details firm up, but here's a teaser...





Courage,

Mike G.

Your Lucky Day...

In Sandusky, Ohio there is an amusement park called Cedar Point. It's known for an abundance of roller coasters [16 in fact]. In 2003 Cedar Point debuted a ride that combines cutting-edge science with plain ol' fashioned craziness.

Meet Top Thrill Dragster. If you'd like to see TTD in action, click over here.

But a few days ago, things went very, very wrong. Normally, the system launches the cars far enough up the massive hill so that the train's momentum carries it over the edge. Then gravity takes over and the train is slowed down by magnetic brakes on its way back to the station.

Last week, that didn't happen, and the 18-passenger full train came to a stop at the very top of the lift hill. Observers claimed that the train must have been perfectly balanced to keep from going over the crest.

After about 10 minutes, a maintenance worker arrives on the scene. His solution? A slight nudge to push the train over the edge.

Thankfully, ExtremeCoastin was able to capture the moment on film.

I'm a fan of the roller coaster, but I can't tell you that I would have been the calmest person on that ride if it had happened to me.

Courage,

Mike G.

Huh...

While this has very little to do with my daily life, I did like how this news item sort of slipped in under the radar, amidst all the news about Bush's speech on Iraq.

In short, gay folks can marry each other in Canada.

While
technically, I should be against it, I just have yet to hear a good enough reason why two people getting together and making a public commitment to each other is such a bad idea.

And now for a massive left turn...

As a comic book geek, it's my duty to slam movies months before they come up. With Fantastic Four coming out in a little over the week, I thought I would buck the trend and say something positive about the film.

first, here's a picture of Johnny Storm, the Human Torch.[actually, he's the second one to use the name, but that's another story] I believe it was drawn by Salvador LaRocca, but I could be mistaken...



And now here's a still from the new movie, as portayed by a bunch of CGI and actor Chris Evans...




Even if the movie is as bad as some are saying, I give the folks responsible full marks for at least getting Human Torch right.

Courage,

Mike G.

Vengeance Is A Dish Best Served On PPV...

Hey Guys,

After a month off, we're back to a 'traditional' WWE PPV in the form of Vengeance. The card looks pretty balanced story and wrestling wise, with [so far] a minimum of silliness. Here we go...


World Heavyweight Champion Batista vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell)

After losses at Wrestlemania and Backlash, HHH looks to win back the Big Gold Belt. In his way will be DAVE Ba[u]tista and 'the most demonic structure ever devised' the Hell In A Cell.

I think Batista has made himself a credible champ. Of course, having The Game chase you for the belt makes you legit. With Summerslam coming up next month, I think Batista will hold onto the belt. Remember, Edge still has his title shot in his briefcase, and I don't see him getting fed to HHH. The problem with predicting this stuff is that it becomes a question of when, and not if HHH will be the champ again.

I see both guys wearing the crimson mask, but not at the levels of Judgment Day's I Quit match. Don't look for any huge bumps either. Note: The Hell in the Cell was sullied twice by the late Big Boss Man [Kennel in Hell, 'hanging' WM XV]


Kane vs. Edge (w/Lita)

Real life meets wrestling and the result is...ehh.

So Kane had beaten Matt Hardy in a match, which gave him the right to marry Lita. That was fair, since she was carrying his demon-seed. In case you forgot, Kane is The Undertaker's half-brother. Unfortunately, she lost the hellspawn in an accident [not caused by Gene Snitsky] but it did bring them closer together. Or so Kane thought. Actually, she and Edge were secretly scheming to ensure that Edge would win RAW's Gold Rush Tournament. Once her betrayal was complete, she further tormented Kane by flushing her wedding ring, forgiving Gene and even marrying Edge on the air. Kane has been despondent, but recently seems to have gotten back some of his fire.

The real life story makes just about as much sense. Essentially, the one guy who did nothing wrong gets to sit at home and watch the happy couple laugh at the fact he's not there.

I see Kane getting over here due to some miscommunication between Edge and Lita. I'd like to see Trish Stratus make a surprise appearance, but I won't hold my breath.


WWE Champion John Cena vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho

John Cena's move to RAW raised the stakes of the Draft Lottery. The addition of another belt seems to be more trouble than it's worth. On the bright side, it's given Christian a bigger spotlight. Since the WWE hasn't clarified the importance of the WWE Championship [as it looks like it will be replaced on Smackdown], I'll go out on a limb and say that Cena retains, since I don't think either Jericho or Christian would like the blinged-out belt.


Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

After a great match from Wrestlemania, the Draft Lottery comes through again. Angle and Michaels will lace them up again in a match designed to draw in the wrestling workrate fan. I see Shawn winning this match, opening the door to a rubber match at Summerslam.


Intercontinental Champion Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Another Draft pick created match. Carlito is an example of someone taking the ball and running with it. From his first appearance on Smackdown, where he won the US Championship, to remaining a top heel while working through injury. He won the Intercontinental Title his first night on RAW against one of the strongest IC champs this side of Ricky Steamboat. He's even survived the loss of a lackey [Jesus] and even given enough of a rub to Matt Morgan so he can survive without him.

Shelton has become very entertaining to watch. He's slowly improving on the mic, and I fully expect him to be World Champ soon.

This is tricky. I think at this point, both guys don't really need the belt. I'll go with my gut and say that Shelton wins back his IC belt.


Victoria vs. Christy

A cute girl who can't wrestle vs. a cute girl who can. This would be easy to predict if not for the fact that is the WWE we're talking about. I'll go against conventional wisdom and say Victoria takes the match.

This is up-to-date as of Fri. night. Notice that there is no Tag Team Title Match as of yet. look to Sunday Night Heat to possibly announce another match or two.

Courage,

Mike G.

You Can't Turn Away....

This is nothing more than beating a dead horse, but I have to say it.

I'm not even watching the Dateline 'Runaway Bride' interview, but even when I channel surf by it, I can feel those eyes boring their way into my soul, and it creeps me the hell out. And I've even seen stuff like Goatse and TubGirl.

Note: please don't Google those two items. Your soul will thank me.

Courage,

Mike G.

Scrimp Alert!

Friends,


Here's some info for those of you who are fans of the great and mighty Chipotle Burrito.

Tomorrow, go to Chipotle and buy a tasty burrito. Make sure you keep the reciept handy, because you'll be able to turn that in for a free burrito until June 26.

If you plan it right, you won't have to worry about food for a week.

Courage,

Mike G.

That's Heavy Doc...

I figure it's high time I take a break from my usual award-winning humor and try my hand at some science.

As anyone who's seen the Back To The Future films knows, time travel is very risky. A wrong move could result in your parents having never met and then poof! You disappear in a cloud of smoke.

But recently, some physicists from the US and Austria have reported that might not be the case.
BBC News has a fairly mindblowing article on this subject.

The big question is whether time travel is possible at all. There have been attempts to hold a convention for time travelers but the overriding question remains. If people can travel through time, why have we not seen them or any changes they've made?

But just because it can't be observed, it doesn't mean it's not happening. So then the question becomes; is something preventing us from changing the past?

Please check out the article. If nothing else, it'll give you an excuse to yell out, "Great Scott!"

Yours in Time,

Mike G.

Tune In?

If you're bored and want to listen to amateur radio, feel free to tune in tonight to SportsRadio 1310 The Ticket. For those outside the signal, click here to listen online.

Thanks for your time,

Mike G.

p.s,

Courage.

Test Drive...

Folks,

Even though I blurt out my opinions in these pages almost daily, it's very rare when someone actually solicits them.

The fine folks from DiscHub asked me to say a few words about their product.

Full Disclosure:I am an owner of the previous version of the DiscHub.

The DiscHub is designed around a fairly simple concept. It's a way to keep your most-used discs readily available without the risk of scratches. It works with CD-ROMs and DVDs. With 11 slots, you can have two complete Simpsons seasons and the three-disc spanning Wrestlemania XX.





Here's a picture of a fully loaded DiscHub. Eagle-Eyed readers can pick out my DVD choices and chuckle accordingly. The discs are laid out in a staggered pattern, which allows you to see all of them easily.

Removing a disc is easy:



You just take your finger and use a little pressure to drag the disc from between the neoprene slot. To replace it, just 'roll' the disc till it sits squarely back in the Hub.



Here's an artistic top-down view of the DiscHub, mostly because I got bored.


In summary, the DiscHub is an altogether super little invention. To quote Mr. Beuller, "If you have the means I highly recommend picking one up."

And if you do wish to pick one up, please click here. Don't worry, I don't get a cut. I just thought that Churn Nation should know about this item.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Well, Well, Well....

Unfortunately, I can't follow that up with an obscenity-laced Joel Gertner promo.

This will be a rare wrestling-related post, so you're forewarned. Also, to save time I'm assuming you know about the history of ECW.

This Sunday the WWE will try to serve us up some nostalgia with ECW: One Night Stand.

Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.

When the concept for an ECW reunion was being tossed around, the idea was to emulate the 'ECW style'. There would be a noticeable lack of polish and glitz, to match the almost thrown together design of those early ECW shows. Only ECW alumni would work the show, and even assume their old identities, i.e Simon Dean/Nova. The stage was set for a show that, if done right, might have signaled a new life for the defunct organization.

SNAGS...

The WWE, sensing the scads of money this type of show could pull in, decided to price the event accordingly. The seats ranged from $100 to $400 ringside. When the show failed to sell out, it seems that WWE made an executive decision.

So far, the promotion of the show was almost non-existent, with one or two ads peppered into WWE shows. It was barely mentioned on camera as well. That began to change when Eric Bischoff, as GM of RAW, made a decree banning any mention of ECW on 'his' show. He then gathered a group of WWE loyalists determined to attend One Night Stand and kill ECW a second time. On Smackdown, Kurt Angle gathered a group of his own to avenge a perceived slight against him many years ago. Essentially, it looks like WWE thought that the ECW name wasn't going to be enough to sell the show, and that it needed WWE 'names' to rescue it from failure. I think it's a bit premature, but then again I'm not CEO of a billion-dollar corporation.

Nevertheless, the card looks like great fun:

-Lance Storm with Dawn Marie vs. Chris Jericho
-Rey Mysterio vs. Psicosis
-Masato Tanaka vs. Mike Awesome
-Super Crazy vs. Tajiri w/Sinister Minister vs. Little Guido
-Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit
-Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman vs. Bubba & D-Von Dudley

Hopefully, the ECW faithful will dispose of the WWE detatchment in short order.

Finally, I want to make a final call to any and all wrestling fans. WWE Fantasy is now free, with a Monday afternoon deadline. If you decide to play, you can follow along in our own league. Just look for WildAssCircus, and click 'join'.

Courage,
Mike G.

Tempest + Teapot = Fun!

Now for one of everyone's faves, the Burgeoning Internet Feud!

Well, actually it's not really a feud, but I felt it would add excitement if I called it that.

In this corner, we have Jim Hill, a man who seems to know way more than he's supposed to. He mainly writes about the goings-on behind the scenes at Disney, but he does delve into the larger world of entertainment. I don't believe I've ever read an article by him and not gone away having learned something new.

A few days ago, Mr. Hill posted an article about the possible origin of the character Hurley from the TV show LOST. I don't watch the show regularly, but I have one question. Shouldn't that guy have slimmed down a bit by now?

Anyways, this story reached the ears of Harry Knowles and AintItCool, or at the very least, one of his pseudonym-laced minions. Herc[as he's named] posted a response here.

Personally, I've learned to trust Mr. Hill when it comes to these sorts of things. AintItCool does have major clout when it comes to scoops and the like, but at times they do have a 'circle the wagons' mentality when it comes to their own.

As always, I invite you to read both articles and judge for yourself.

Courage,
Mike G.

NOW Have I Seen Everything?

You know, when SNL gave us the gift of the Bathroom Monkey, I never would have dreamed that would have led to this.

An economist is trying to teach monkeys how to use money. I'm sure he has a perfectly good explanation why.

It's just that it's very late, and I'm so, so tired.

Courage,

Mike G.

Soul Baring...

So, sometime in the last few years, VH1 decided that MTV had the right idea and decided that showing videos wasn't that important.

Now, they're a bizzare mish-mash of reality shows and what I call MST3K-vision.

For the deprived few of you who don't know what MST3K is, click here. [Sweet Jebus, I hope noone has to click.]

Basically, VH1 has taken the economic benefits of the clip show and freshened it up with some biting sarcasm and witty comments:

Enter I Love The 70s/8os/90s, Best Week Ever, When ___ Ruled The Earth, and The 50 Best/Worst Whosits Ever.

I guess on the one hand, it's a good thing. I mean, I would have never thought that there was anything funny about the week's news if Christian Finnegan hadn't told me. Also, where would we be without the biting wit of Paul Scheer and the 'Hug Guy' from that Dave Matthews videos? I'll wait for you to Google them, because I sure as hell had to.

I do realize the irony of me commenting about those who do the same thing. My response is that I'm not passing this off as original entertainment, and I'm not charging anyone for it.

Back to my Original Point. Earlier today, I stumbled past one of the many airings of their countdown shows. This time it was The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever. Of course, it was filled with people wondering how we ever liked any of those songs.

I've decided to post here all of the songs on that list that I currently own or have stored on my hard drive. Like it or not, the odds are very high that the music you enjoy today will be thought of as horrible in the future. Actually, the pop culture 'cycle' has gotten so effecient, that it might only take a few weeks.

Without further ado:

• Two Princes - Spin Doctors
• Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart
• We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
• Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex
• What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes
• Informer - Snow
• Broken Wings - Mr. Mister
• I'd Do Anything For Love - Meat Loaf
• Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
• Sussudio - Phil Collins
• Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Richie
• I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts
• You're The Inspiration - Chicago
• The Final Countdown - Europe
• Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
• Barbie Girl - Aqua
• Heart Of Rock and Roll - Huey Lewis and the News
• Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
• Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
• Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
• Rollin' - Limp Bizkit [as The Undertaker's Entrance Theme]
• Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chun
• We Built This City - Starship

If you want to see the whole list, feel free. If you'll excuse me, I've got some Ace of Base and Extreme loaded up in my Rio Karma.

Courage,
Mike G.

Contagion...

So it looks like my circle of acquaintances is getting more and more interested in 'this blogging thing'. I figured I'll take this moment to list a few of them and encourage Churn Nation to visit them.

• Brother Mike: almost as big a nerd as I am, he offers a nicely jaundiced look at life. He and I also review WWE Pay-Per-Views for the P1WAC. Interesting fact: on the air we accidentally revealed he was having marriage trouble. [they worked things out]
• Devin Pike: been doing the blog thing for a while now. I first met him attempting suicide by donut. He's the one on the right. His opponent? A man we call Big Anthony. It turns out about how you'd expect. Devin is a media connoisseur, and even offers up a podcast.
• Richard "Big Dick" Hunter: Whatever tiny bit of recognition I get, this man is responsible for 99% of it. Thanks to him, I've met celebrities, traveled cross-country, and even attended his wedding in the center of a brothel [Hi Shelly!]. I've also gone undercover at a strip club with a hidden mic to bore the dancers with my Star Wars knowledge. A great guy who's tolerated me for way too long.
• Rowdy Hating Walt: One of the founding members of Miscom. It's concentrated bitterness, with a hint of liberal anger. Tip: read his blog in a Fozzie Bear voice for added comedy.
• The Duchess: A sweetheart, she's my first choice if I ever have to play the "Unsubtantiated Canadian Girlfriend" card. She puts a lot of heart into her entries and it really comes across.
• Ty Walker: Responsible for maintaining sports credibility on the P1WAC, he gives the listener the latest sports headlines every 20 minutes. The newest blogger on this list, I'm curious as to the direction the old lummox will go.

Well, that about covers it. If anyone out there wants me to give their blog the oh-so illustrious Churn Shout-Out, let me know.

Finally, to restore some credibility of my own, enjoy these pictures of Jessica Simpson washing the General Lee.

Courage,

Mike G.

Churn's Highest Recommendation...

Which I believe equates to just above "voice from the toaster".

I was on the P1WAC this evening along with two members of America's fastest growing internet radio station.

Rowdy Hating Walt and Mardi Gras Paul, along with Grubes and Ceepe host a show called Miscommunication, which you can reach here.

They do some funny stuff, and I would consider the time spent listening to them well spent.

Courage,

Mike G.

Meeting A Need...

"Hey Mike," I'm asked all the time,

"Where can I find a foam cover for my cell phone that looks like a banana? No, seriously."

Before, I would just shrug my shoulders and say a silent prayer. But now, someone has answered the call.

Now a frantic world can rest easily.

Courage,

Mike G.

My Stars and Garters...

I did this once before, and with the current news, I figured it was a good time to do it again. Say hi to Kelsey Grammer. His claim to fame? Playing the same character[Frasier Crane] for about 20 years. He's just been signed to play a role in a very anticipated film. Which one? Check the next post.

Tossed Salad and Mutated DNA?

This is Hank McCoy, better known to the world as the Beast. He possesses incredible agility, as well as incredible strength and acrobatic dexterity. He is also a brilliant biochemist. In addition to his duties as a member of the X-Men, he has maintained a reserve status in The Avengers.

Yup, Frasier Crane/Sideshow Bob is going to be Beast in X-Men 3. Click here for the full scoop.

I just don't know. First, Bryan Singer left to go do Superman. Then Marvel/20th Century Fox decided to hire Matthew Vaughn, who's only directed one other film. It does look like all the previous cast is locked down, so that's a positive. As far as Beast goes, while I think Kelsey's a good match vocally, I hope they plan on a bunch of CGI or stuntmen if the script calls for anything besides Beast sitting down drinking tea.


Courage,

Mike G.

Very Inappropriate...

My niece turned 1 year old a few days ago. I want to position myself as the 'cool' relative who can stop by, spoil her for a few hours, and take off. I wound up getting her shoes with built-in squeakers, but for a few minutes I thought about getting her this. I'm thinking next year? Drum Kit.

Very Appropriate...

I'm a big fan of Arena Football, and even though Dallas tanked at the end of the season, I'm still looking forward to the ArenaBowl, which is in Vegas this year.

A few days ago, the AFL released details regarding the pre- and post-game entertainment. Bryan Adams and Maroon 5 are playing some events, but what caught my eye was the group that will play after the ArenaBowl Trophy is given to the winning team...

Kool And The Gang.


My guess is that after crunching the numbers, it turned out that hiring the band would be a better deal than paying the fees for 'Celebration', the quintessential victory song.

Also, Dennis Quaid and the Sharks will be performing at the ArenaBall Awards. I didn't know either.

Courage,

Mike G.

Goodbye Tony...

Hey Guys,

Sad to report that Thurl Ravenscroft passed away earlier this evening. While the name may sound odd, if you've ever eaten cereal, watched a Chistmas Special on TV, or been to Disney's Haunted Mansion, you've heard his voice. Mark Evanier [who once mentioned this site] gives us a small look at his life.

Courage,

Mike G.

FYI

Tomorrow, Bro. Mike and I [who just got back on the blogging horse] will be reviewing the WWE's latest effort, Judgment Day. Richard posted my predictions on
his site, and I did pretty well, even though it was fairly easy.

9:00-ish, on 1310 The Ticket.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Real Desperation?

Like most of the male population, I've developed a healthy, non-stalkerish admiration for Eva Longoria [happy, lawyers?]. That is, until I saw this picture of her. I freely admit I know very little about tattoos and their symbolism, but I can't help but think that Ms. Eva earned that star on her wrist by shanking a fellow inmate in the exercise yard with a sharpened toothbrush.

Maybe it's just me.

Courage,

Mike G.

And So It Ends...

if you don't don't count the books, graphic novels, video games, cartoons, role-playing games, and toys.

Last night/this morning, I braved the lines to see Episode III, then stumbled home for a few hours sleep before heading to another theater to see the digitally projected version.

Worth every bloodshot minute.

I am a bit resentful that George Lucas decided to wait till the 'last film' to make any sort of effort in the storytelling department. His depiction of Anakin's fall into darkness is tragic and almost heartbreaking, and I can't help but think what if George had tried as hard with the previous two films.

A few moments stand out for me...

Whatever combination of CGI, latex, and digital manipulation was employed, I salute the alchemists at ILM. The moment when Chancellor Palpatine dons his hood and truly becomes the Emperor is absolutely perfect. The kicker to this scene is the Ian McDarmid's delivery of his lines.

I want to take this moment and apologize to the lovely Ms. Amy Allen, who played the Twi'lek Jedi Aayla Secura. Devin and I had a chance to speak with her a few days ago at the Sci-Fi Expo, and at the time we had heard rumors that her character might be featured in some sort of Star Wars televison show. when asked, she seemed a bit apprehensive, but we took that to mean some sort of unspoken confirmation.

Unless a leather halter top can block laser fire at close range, I guess that won't be happening.

Click here to learn more about the alluring Twi'lek.

All in all, the film did a good job in setting the audience up for the despair that the Empire will inflict upon the galaxy, and the beginnings of rebellion.

Courage,

Mike G.

People Are Just Wrong...

Animals cannot consent.

That seems to be a fairly self-evident statement.

But it looks like someone had to reinforce that point. In a world as big as this one, it stands to reason that no matter what makes your pants go crazy, there's someone out there ready and willing to provide you with that very fetish/obsession.

Are you a gadget fan? Maybe you're into the Telly Savalas look. But if you long for a hot chick taking down a buffalo, and then getting it on with some guy mere feet from the once-living beast, you might have to wait a while.

According to AVN, a company was all set to do just that. The worst part of this whole story is the fact that I'm realizing now that once I post this story, my incoming traffic might change a bit.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Look...

The Christopher Reeve Paralysis Foundation is doing something incredibly cool to raise funds and awareness. In the tradition of the Lance Armstrong bracelet, the CRPF is selling these tags for a darn good price of 10 bucks for a set of two. Click here for ordering information.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Journalism?

Apparently, if you walk around with some recoding equipment and say you're a reporter, that's all you need.

Devin of the SwampLog and I went to the Sci-Fi Expo this weekend, with the goal of interviewing several of the guests there for later broadcast on the P1WAC during this week of Star Wars Mania. Big thank yous to all of the staff who were incredibly gracious, and picked up on the fact that we weren't there to do a 'nerds on parade' type piece.

We spoke to stars from both trilogies, and while I'm not sure when the segments will be on the show, I do know that Devin is planning to assemble a podcast on his site very soon.



Take Care,

Mike G.

Keep Your Ears Listening...

While the Bai Ling audio will be saved for next week, tonight the P1WAC will be featuring the previously mentioned Phase 2 of Whip-A-Stripper. Please tune in.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Pass the Maalox...

I'm not the world's biggest Burger King fan, but it looks like I'll have to learn to love it.

On the positive side, if I do collect all of them I might finally fill that gaping void in my life!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Non-Intentional Star Wars Reference...

Part-Time actor, Playboy model and all-around fashion victim Bai Ling will have the honor of being interviewed by Richard and myself tomorrow night. She was to have a small role in Episode III, but was left on the cutting room floor. Considering some of the photos I've seen, I wouldn't be surprised if she used the film for her next outfit.

Courage,

Mike G.

The Force Was Strong In This One...

I hate to admit it, but it looks like the second time was the charm.

Though I prefer to wait till we get a complete scoring report form the judges, I think it's safe to say that we might have a winner in 'whip-a-stripper' 2005. Of course I'll give you the heads up as to when we'll broadcast the audio. for now, a quick preview...

This time around, I refined my approach. My goal was to portray myself as not just a nerd, but a confident, almost cocky nerd. In fact, I would be able to take any and all of these women home with me because of my Star Wars nerdness.

Also, when a stripper tells you, "I'll be right back", is she lying? I was able to put that theory to the test.

I learned that maybe going for the silver or the bronze is the better choice in the long run.

Well, I have to wash the body glitter off of me.

Take care,

Mike G.

A Hive of Scum and villainy?

Nah, just implants and G-Strings.

Phase two of the P1WAC's grand experiment begins later tonight, as I will attempt to win the hearts of various 'self-employed models' with my vast knowledge of Star Wars. If they can fight through my love of podracing, midi-chlorians and the engineering prowess of the Colicoid race, they'll be substantially rewarded. My reward? A fully subsidized trip to a strip club. So really, everyone wins.

Yours in The Force,

Mike G.

M Is For The Million Things She Gives Me...

A big Churn shout-out all the mothers out there. You do way too much and are vastly unappreciated.

And, because I can't help being dark, I noticed that some schools around here had their Prom last night.

So, another Churn shout-out to all the brand new moms-to-be out there, just coming out of their hangovers. I hope he remembers your name on Monday gals!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Geeks Need Warmth, Too.

Courtesy of the Greatness of Boing Boing, the dilemma of what to do with all the promo T-shirts in your house is now solved. And no, giving them to the homeless doesn't count. Sorry.

Your Pal,

Mike G.

Arriba, Arriba!

Please tune in later tonight, as I will be partaking in the P1WAC's Cinco de Mayo festivities. Richard said he'll be bringing together all the Hispanic listeners of The Ticket, so I guess it'll be about 6 or 7 of us.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Sports?

Yeah, but not too much.

So, the Mavericks have tied up their series with Houston, and you must be wondering how you can show your support for Dallas's favorite German.

You could buy one of these.

Take Care,

Mike G.

So Would They Call It Blog-ola?

First off, know that Churn adheres strictly to an iron-clad set of values, and nothing on this Earth will make me compromise them. Let's set aside the fact that I'm not that sure what those values are right now. As I've said before, this blog might not be that great, but it's 100% me.

Except, when I forget to give credit to someone.

Or if it was really funny and I'm stuck for something to write.

Also, Churn refuses to feed at the Corporate trough. One cannot be free to speak if they are beholden to a faceless entity's checkbook.

That said...

If you want high quality footwear, clothing and accessories with a modern edge, Etnies should be your destination. Also, whether it's a backpack, golf bag, overnight or messenger bag you need, look no further than Ogio.

Take Care folks,

Mike G.

Lots More Science...

I'm fairly coherent now, so here goes...

I'm a nerd, and while it might not be readily apparent, if I'm not careful I can let loose with all sorts of nerd/geek/dork talk. Richard decided to take advantage of this fact and perform an experiment over the next few weeks, with the first stage occurring last night/this morning.

Originally, we tried to find out if an exotic dancer would tolerate nerd talk if there was the possibility of a financial reward [table dances, drinks, etc]. This week the nerd topic of choice was the world of professional wrestling.

So before we headed out to the club, I had to get wired for sound. I'm sure Richard will have pictures on his site soon, but for now just imagine every TV show where someone has to wear a wire to take down some crime boss. Unfortunately, there would be no SWAT team ready to crash through the ceiling as soon as I said the code phrase "Delta Execute!"

We'll discuss the results of my investigation on the show, and I'll post word when I know the date. But I will give you some observations:

Sony makes a very fine and durable MiniDisc player/recorder. I had it in my pocket disguised as my cell phone, and it took some pretty heavy 'damage' if you know what I mean.

While none of the ladies I interacted with knew who the current WWE Heavyweight Champion was [Batista], a majority of them were familiar with Hulk Hogan.

Due to some miscommunication and poor planning, one of the ladies seemed to be under the impression that I had a stone pit in my apartment all decked out with a bottle of lotion and a basket on the end of a rope.

That should be enough for now. For those who can't get enough of your humble author, Friday I'll be at the American Airlines Center enjoying some good old Dallas Desperados Arena Football. Also, I'll be in my pajamas and robe. I hope the transit cops won't mind.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Warning!!!

If this blog was a weather report, the NOAA would be broadcasting warnings of all sorts.

Tonight I'll be hip deep in a sociological experiment. Whether it succeeds or fails, I'll be back to write about it.

For Science!

Mike G.

Non-Technical Difficulties...

Forgive the lack of updates to the blog...I've been distracted by some stuff, not the least of which is Freedom Force for the PC. Since I am on the cutting edge of culture, it only took about three years for me to pick it up.

Of course, this was the best time for me to claim Churn on Blogshares. Apparently, even in fake money this blog isn't worth that much.

Take care,

Mike G.

Never Turn In A Late Paper To Him...

You might just get blown to smithereens. While doing some extremely important G.I.Joe research, I stubled across this Catholic University professor. Unfortunately, according to his bio there's no family history of donning steel masks.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Mike G.

Longing for the Days of the 2600...

Chest Bumps to the folks at Gamespot:

So Donavan McNabb will be the face of Madden 2006. Actually, it looks like the name will be Madden NFL 06, due to the fact that EA snapped up exclusive rights to the league late last year.

That got me to thinking...

Remember when almost every game company had their own football game? Just off the top of my head I can think of:

• Tecmo Bowl
• NFL Blitz
• High Impact Football
• NFL Football 94 Starring Joe Montana
• TV Sports Football
• Jerry Glanville's Pigskin FootBrawl
• NFL Gameday
• NFL Fever
• NFL Quarterback Club
• Mike Ditka Power Football

By the way, the first ever Madden Football game was designed for the Apple II.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Mazel Tov!

To the latest occupant of the Popemobile, Benedict XVI.

While Churn has no great experience with the politics of the Vatican, it appears that the tradition of conservatism started in the waning years of Pope John Paul's tenure.

In the wake of recent scandals involving US priests, it will be interesting to see if the new Pope will try to revisit the issue. Note that Bernard Law, former Boston archbishop, was promoted to Cardinal, and even presided over one of the Pope's funeral masses.

And we haven't even gotten to topics like homosexuality, reproductive issues, and the role of women in the Church.

Finally, on a wildly different track, I'd like to give a Churn shout-out to the fine folks at Purdue. Actually, that one person who surfed around a few days ago. Go Boilermakers!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Hidden Meanings...

since we're dealing with inappropriate songs, I was wondering, is the Four Seasons' song December 1963 (Oh What A Night) actually sort of seedy when you think about it?

Honestly, it sounds like some kid's first time in a cathouse.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Worm Cont...

So through a series of events I won't get into here, Richard has become acquaintances with the aforementioned Dennis Rodman, and booked him for a stint of radio appearances.

Last night, Richard and Dennis hosted a party at what I understand to be one of Dallas's finest 'clothing optional' clubs. There in the midst of the smoke and lights, I decided to come up with a list[I heard somewhere that everybody loves lists].

Inappropriate Strip Club Songs:

• Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin: a sad tale of childhood lost by a father too caught up in other things.
• One Tin Soldier by Coven: a 1971 song also known as the Legend of Billy Jack; a song so treacly it may give you cavities.
• The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot: a song based on the real-life story of an ore freighter lost in one of the worst recorded storms in history. It sank in 1975 on Lake Superior. All hands were lost.
• Hurt by Johnny Cash: a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song, made especially poignant by the video, in which a younger, defiant Cash from old footage and pictures is overshadowed by the Cash of today. He died roughly a year after this song's album was released.
• Anything by Red Sovine: One of the masters of the 'trucker song' genre, his songs run the gamut from crippled boys, blinded truckers, dead wives, and kids hit by trains.
• American Pie by Don McLean: there are some questions about the true meaning of this song, but most feel it to be atribute to the Buddy Holly and the change to rock and roll as a result.

There are a whole lot more bad songs out there; I'm just way too tired to think of any.

I've got some other thoughts about the party, and I'll tell you about them later.

Mike G.

The Worm Turned Up...

Hey Gang.

I feel and smell like an ashtray, and not the fancy and futuristic Ronco kind either.

My voice is shot, my eyes burn, and I'm fairly certain that by tonight, I'll be struck by some sort of illness.

I'll tell you the details later, but suffice it to say this all happened thanks to/no thanks to Dennis Rodman.

See you soon,

Mike G.

Check the Union Label...

Hey folks...

I've spoken a bit about video games in the past, but I found out something today that made me think about the state of gaming.

Quick disclaimer: the last system I owned was the legendary Sega Genesis, but I try to keep current on the gaming scene.

Ever since technology allowed actual voices and video to be used in a game, there's been a boatload of celebrities lending their image and voice. Remember Dana Plato in Night Trap? Other games feature the actual star in the leading role, ala Jet Li in Rise to Honor and the Shaq Daddy himself in the forgettable Shaq Fu. We reached the logical conclusion to this concept recently when EA Games announced they would create a game based on the 1972 film The Godfather. The game will feature likenesses of the actors, with new dialogue from Robert Duvall and James Caan, as well as from the late Marlon Brando.

Which leads us to this: On Friday, an agreement between the Screen Actors Guild, AFTRA and a group of 70+ video game publishers expires. As Games are becoming as big or bigger than Movies or Tv, there's been a greater focus on dividing up the spoils. As alluded to in the article, the game companies aren't used to the idea of residuals.

Thanks to SAG Watchdog for the link to the story.

Mike G.

Reality Intrudes...

Well, I guess we can't ignore it anymore.

The rumors have been confirmed, and while Churn wishes nothing but good for Mrs. Federline, we can't help but mourn the death of a wonderful dream.

The dream where we never had to see her stunning decline into White-Trashdom. The dream where she wasn't marrying back-up dancers with kids.

Maybe she'll make a Hot Mom, but the Collective Lust of men will have long moved on to the next barely legal 'songstress'.

I guess we'll always have Baby One More Time.

Take Care,

Mike G.

A Bike Not seen on Discovery Channel...

Ladies and Gents...well, just Gents[let's not kid ourselves here]. Feast your eyes on Ghost Rider's Hell Cycle, set to hit the screen in 2006. Thanks to SuperHero Hype for the pic.

Even More Science...

Now, I'll discuss those who aren't famous. There's not as much difference in each level, but those distinctions are even more important. There's usually not much migration in this list, but it does happen.

• Spokesmodel/Booth Babe - She's the cute girl that hands out stuff at conventions. You'll see her at your local bar, representing a certain beer or liquor. Her job is to convince men that buying/drinking their product will make them irresistable to women like themselves. Sadly, it's pretty effective.
• Topless Dancer - This is dependent on a bundle of zoning regulations and the sale of alcohol. Strangely enough, she comes into very heated conflict with the
• Nude Dancer - Sometimes wonders why the other two are so uptight and repressed.

There's not much outright animosity in this group, but each does see the other as inferior in some way.

So there you have it. The socio-political layer cake that is the realm of the Hot Girl.

Mike G.

The Topless Scientific Method...

After the radio show Richard invites us out to a local Gentleman's Club. Not wanting to be impolite, I graciously accepted[Free admission].

So there I am, surrounded by spinning colored lights, and pounding bass from apparently 100 different speakers. Oh, there were also naked women there, but I digress.

I'm taking thimble-sized sips of my $5.00 soda, and watching the various Ambers, Cyndees, and Mercedes display their wares. Some hidden voice at random intervals is exhorting the audience to 'show their love' and that Chloe is due on the main stage.

In the time I've been involved with Richard's show, I've gotten the opportunity to speak with people from all walks of life. One of the more intriguing types is the 'Self-Employed Model'. This term covers a lot of ground, and can mean anything from the girl that stands next to the boat at the convention center, or a Playboy Playmate, or even an adult film actress. I noticed that there's a unique pecking order/hierarchy for these ladies, and it's mostly self-enforced. Of course, there's a great deal of societal pressure to maintain this order. Here goes...I'll start from the top of the 'food chain' so to speak...famous people. I'll do the non-famous list later.

• The Serious Actress/Model - refuses any sort of nudity. May even balk at lingerie or bikinis.
• Maxim/FHM/Stuff/GQ Girl - has no problem with any sort of skimpy clothing, but always with a strategically placed sheet, arm, or other prop.
• True To The Story - A quick flash of nudity, done in the spirit of 'Art'. This type keeps Mr. Skin in business.
• Playboy Celebrity - This is for the woman needing a popularity boost. Your former child star 'all grown up', pop singer, or daughter of a famous person. This is followed by...
• Nude Model - Late night cable and direct-to-video were her homes, but she's made it big online. Which leads us to...
• Porn Star - Usually have no pretensions about their work...becoming more and more mainstream...masters of marketing themselves.

For better or worse, a self-employed model can only go one way on this scale, and will be categorized as such. For instance, Jenna Jameson has been in plenty of magazines without being nude, and made many TV appearances while remaining fully clothed. But she's still a porn star. The Playboy Celebrity [Drew Barrymore] stands a better chance, but that usually means it's the third question asked, instead of the first.

If I'm completely off the mark, please comment below.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Free Advice...

Folks...

The next time everything seems to be falling apart, and nothing you do seems to make a difference, please remember this phrase, formatted for greater emphasis...

Boom Goes The Dynamite.


The beauty is, this phrase can work anywhere and in any situation. Parole board hearings, hostage negotiations, wedding vows, even on most standardized tests.

You'll thank me later.

Mike G.

WM Fallout...

So we had a great big ol' watching party at Casa Brother Mike for Wrestlemania.

A good time was had by nearly all [Sorry Mrs. Hunter] and the overall feeling was that the show went fairly well, with just a few slow spots.

For a more detailed review, please tune in tomorrow night to SportsRadio 1310 at 8:00. Our segment usually happens around 9:00, but the whole show is highly recommended.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Wrestlemania Preview...

May want to print this out to keep score...The RAW matches in red, Smackdown in Blue...

World Heavyweight Championship: Batista vs. Triple H

Batista is given the ball, let's hope he can run with it. This was likely Orton's slot as originally planned, but the fan's disinterest in him forced the WWE to bring Batista into the spotlight early. Whether Dave's popularity is due to himself, or simply that he's challenging HHH; I'm not sure, but we'll find out.


WWE Championship: John Cena vs. JBL

Cena's got a bad movie out...might as well give him the belt. JBL did manage, by sheer act of will, to turn me around on him. He became a classic heel, every time outwitting his opponents. Unfortunately, there's noone but Cena, whose 'thug' act has become more and more juvenile, to challenge him. Let's hope he doesn't pimp out the Title belt like he did the U.S. Title.


Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Bit of a push...Give it to Shawn. I still hold that while this will be a great match and a possible show stealer, they're about 3-4 years too late. It's too easy to have high expectations for this match, so be forewarned.

Piper's Pit with Stone Cold Steve Austin

Someone will get a Stone Cold Stunner, and finally the 'WHAT?' chants will make some sense. They'll still be annoying though.


Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match

Edge? no reward for bad behavior. Shelton? too green, but keep an eye out. Jericho? unfortunately seen as tainted goods. Christian? Please. Kane? Thrown into the mix because of the Hardy/Edge/Lita Triangle. My guess is Benoit takes the briefcase and either turns heel or starts the process. Another potentail show stealer.


Women's Championship: Christy vs. Trish

Hopefully the WWE has recovered from their delusion, and Trish beats the holy hell out of Christy. But since the WWE fired most of their female wrestlers and hired 'self-employed models' instead, I'd expect Christy to win. As unskilled as she's been on TV, Trish might have to pin herself. Also, look for a Lita heel turn.


Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

While I'm not much of a Taker fan, I'm sure not an Orton fan. While the WWE has been forcing him down our throats, I think they'll have him break Taker's streak in a last ditch effort. I'd rather see Taker's useless streak continue, but I'm not counting on it.


Sumo Match: Big Show vs. Akebono


Gah. That much flesh slapping against each other might cause a fire. Unless Show pulls out that long rumored moonsault, this is a good bathroom break.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Possible show stealer. Pity there's no real story behind it. They're still Tag Champs, so you can't even have a 'former champs turned enemies' angle. Eddie lies, cheats and steals to get the win, setting up more discord. Look for them to lose the titles soon.



Other Notes:

There will be a 30 man Battle Royal vith both brands. No word on if it will air on Heat or the PPV. There are conflicting reports that have Hogan doing something at Wrestlemania.

TITLES NOT APPEARING:

RAW

Intercontinental [Shelton in Ladder Match]

Tag Titles [Regal and Tajiri]

SMACKDOWN

Cruiserweight [Paul London]

Tag Titles [Eddie VS Rey in match]

US Championship [Orlando Jordan]




I hope you enjoyed that, but please remember that I'm not liable for any financial losses based on any bets made using this info.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Thowing a Bullet Vs. Shooting One...

It's the little differences that mean so much.

I pulled double duty on the P1WAC the other night. By that, I mean after the end of the show we recorded a few extra segments to play tonight, as Richard was hosting a party outside of the station.

I know I'm no great broadcaster. I don't have the voice, and I pepper my thoughts with a tom of pauses, 'ums' and 'uhs'.

But unlike the audience, I usually don't have to listen to myself.

Except for tonight.

So I guess I owe the listeners out there an apology.

My Bad.

I'll keep going on the show, I'll just have a bit more sympathy for those in Radio Land.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Let Your Nerd Anger Consume You...

Just another in a long line of indignities...

So it looks like Episode III might not suck.

That may be a shock, but what isn't a surprise is the marketing juggernaut closing in on us.

Target, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us are all joining in to offer exclusive items and some are even opening at midnight.

So, living in the vast metropolis known as Dallas, it would be a given that I'd be able to indulge my inner Geek, right?

Many Bothans died to bring us this infornmation...

Of course, I'll still hand over my cash to Lucas, because ultimately, I am Vader's bitch.

You can see a full list of all the merch plans here.

Take Care,

Mike G.

More See The Light...

Now there's another who has fallen under the spell of Sabine Ehrenfeld.

Junior Miller, of the Dunham and Miller radio show [1310AM The Ticket] has inducted her into the world famous "The Girl On TV Who's So Good Looking That We Have To Watch Out For Her Because She's So Good Looking". You can see official proof here.

Just glad to be spreading the word,

Mike G.

An Open Letter...

To the redhead who sat next to me on the flight to Dallas...

You didn't notice, but I was constantly checking you out. Besides, why wear a thong if you don't want someone to see it?

Sadly,

Mike G.

Requiem for a Moustache...

Old Friend, We must now part. Rest assured, like the Phoenix of legend, you will arise greater than ever before. 

We're #1!!!!

The perfect story to read before going to bed.

I wouldn't be surprised if I got mugged right as I'm blogging something. Of course, I'd ask the hoodlum to wait till after I hit the 'publish' button first.

Cheers,

Mike G.

Rethinking?

Thanks to the fine folks at OnHD.TV, they've given you some reasonsto maybe hold off on that big purchase of an HDTV.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Enjoy....

After much searching, I've found the full version of that insane Burger King commercial. Churn is not liable for any brain damage suffered while viewing.

Hootie found work!

Also, while I don't see her acheiving Sabine Ehrenfeld-like levels of fame, I'm becoming a fan of the young roller-skating lady in the diet Coke commercial. Thankfully, Coca-Cola has seen fit to post the video here.

Enjoy the veal,

Mike G.

Free, Free, Free!

Courtesy of the fine folks at cheap Stingy B@stard...

You can see live streaming NCAA Tournament video for free here. The games you can see are dependent on location and blackout issues, but it's still neat.

Enjoy,

Mike G.

Quick Update: Looks like that was some sort of trial offer. Sorry.

Endorsements?

[In sultry French accent] "Hello, I'm Michelle Theuriau. When I'm not reading the news for millions of lonely Frenchmen, I'm reading the genius that is Churn. Mike G. brings a fresh irreverence to the blog world that makes me tingly all over."

I figure if I'm not getting the acclaim that I rightly deserve, I might as well make it up.

Just be glad I don't know how to use Photoshop.

Your pal,

Mike G

As usual...

In keeping with the way these things usually work out, one of the sites I mentioned in my last post has gone the way of pets.com and online grocery delivery.

Of course, I'm still welcoming anyone to join the other sites if you've got some free time to spare.

Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.

Much.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Pandering....

Greetings to all those visiting Churn via the magic of TrafficSwarm. Of course, it would be really neat if after getting your click credit, you'd stick around a while, but I know how the game is played.

Secondly, I'm sure most of you have been harassed by your friends and family to sign up for various stuff-for-free sites. While I would like that as well, I'll just give you some help if you're interested.

When you do sign up for one of these sites, you're given a list of anywhere from 10-15 seperate offers. This site lists a majority of them and rates them with user comments.

You can also join a Conga Line, like the ones shown here.

Finally, because I can't stop whoring myself out....


Free Ipod Shuffle

Or...

Free 20GB Ipod

Or...

Free 20GB Iriver H320

Take Care,

Mike G.

Updates...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Google, and Ye Shall Receive...

This is for the Google Searcher who was looking for an actual churn a few days ago. I doubt they'll come back, but just in case... Also, I'll be updating Churn Nation on another of our favorites soon.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Sweet Memories....

And now, a post guaranteed to make sense to only a fraction of my audience...


I wonder whatever happened to the DX band. I mean, after they played Wrestlemania 14, where does a wrestling faction's official musical accompaniment go? I mean, when your biggest hit is a thirty second entrance theme, I'm not sure where else you can be appreciated. Sure, you can play the ocasional sports bar, but if HHH and Road Dogg aren't right behind, you're stuck with some angry fans.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Game Over...

I have the physical endurance of a wet tissue.

In order to maintain my Geek Cred, I try and stay current on the video gaming scene. This is slightly odd, since the last game system I owned was the Sega Genesis.

But when I go to the movies or to an 'all-in-one' centers like Dave and Busters or Gameworks, I'll drop a few bucks in the arcade.

Some of my favorites are the light gun games, such as Virtua Cop, Time Crisis, or House of the Dead. I'm no expert, but I can ususally hold my own.

Enter Police 24/7.

It's your standard one-cop-versus-the-criminal-underworld game, but with a twist. Sensors along the top and sides of the machine track your position, which translate your movements onscreen. You can shoot from behind cover and duck incoming fire.

The other day, I played this game for less than three minutes.

My legs are still sore.

Now I have no illusions about my physical prowess, but I would have never imagined that an arcade game would kick my ass.

Oh, the humanity.

Mike G.

Helpful Hint...

Hi there.

Let me apologize once again to all thse who wind their way here hoping to find some nudity. I can make this assumption based on the number of visits this site gets that last less than 30 seconds. I suppose when you're looking for naked pics of Candice Michelle, you don't have time for anything else.

But I'm not bothered. In fact, I'm offering what might be a solution. With the advent of RSS and other methods of distribution, we're getting closer to the unfufilled promise of 'push' where information relevant to you would get pushed to your desktop.

I'm using a piece of software called Pluck. You can either use it as a standalone program, or integrate it with your browser. Basically, it tracks just about any site with an RSS feed and lets you know when they're updated. It can also keep track of your own personal searches. I'm finding it very useful, and hopefully some of you might too.

Finally on a completely unrelated note, we here at Churn Central are celebrating what will likely be our best showing in WWE Fantasy. Thanks to Orlando Jordan's surprising victory over John Cena, Team Churn was launched into 251st place.

Hoping that Martha Stewart hasn't become institutionalized[like Brooks in Shawshank],

Mike G.

Wha-Huh?

Some random thoughts for you and yours...

Who decided that getting Darius Rucker, Brooke Burke, Vida Guerra, and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders together in a psychadelic western themed wonderland would be the perfect way to get people to eat chicken sandwiches?

Secondly, I've gotten along just fine so far without having to even think about something called "The O.C. "

But, thanks to certified nutbag George Lucas,
I have to devote precious space just so I can be depressed about how bad the movie's going to be.

The tragic life of the nerd.

Take Care Folks,

Mike G.

Hey Mike?

Yes?

Do you have any sort of harebrained schemes in the works?

Maybe.

My good friend Devin has either been touched by insanity or genius.

And, since I'm so fascinated by train wrecks, I might just jump in as well.

Of course, right now we're just at what Imagineers call the 'blue-sky' phase. Until someone actually wants money, all bets are off. It sort of reminds me when we were kids, and planned 'the coolest fort EVER'. It would have turrets, an emergency slide and even an underground entrance. In the end, we glossed over the fact that none of us could actually build anything.

Of course, if anyone out there is interested, please drop a comment. Like i said before, this is in the very earliest planning stages, and we need all the help we can get.

Take Care,

Mike G.

IToast.

Good Morning.

I suppose you'd like some breakfast.

But not just any breakfast.

Breakfast. Of. The.

Future!

Take Care,

Mike G.

Hey Kids...

Love Comics?

Love horror flicks of the 80's and 90's?

Well, Avatar has made all of your wildest dreams come true, with comic versions of some of the foremost names in cinema horror. Rich Johnston's got all the gory details here. [you'll have to scroll down a tad to get to the good stuff]

Also, if you've ever wondered whether your cell phone would beat someone else's cell phone in a race, Wonder no more.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Hi there.

For those times when I have photos that don't necessarily relate to whatever I'm writing about, you can check them out on my new Flickr page.

Enjoy,

Mike G.

V.D.

Setting aside that uncomfortable acronym, and the fact it's now the day after, I wanted to jot down a few words on...

LUUUV

Currently, I'm content/resigned to being single, but as I look back, I'm seeing things in a new light.

I've fallen in love approximately 5 times. Scratch that. I've fallen about 5 times. To be perfectly honest, I'm not exactly sure you could call it love, but I know it was more than a crush.

On the top of that list? A young lady I've known since 7th grade. We'll call her Terra, since that's her name. It would come and go, but she always had a special place in my heart from that first day of school until graduation. I told her how I felt on multiple occasions, but she employed the brilliant strategy of appearing not to have heard me. As naive as I was/am, I took that as Not A Rejection, which was good enough at the time.

After graduating, we went our separate ways. I tried to stay in touch, but that fizzled out after a few months.

I'm fairly sure she's married now, and I do hope she's happy.

Well, there's a slight peek into the world of Mike. And you wonder why I usually stick to pop culture and funny pictures on the web.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Good Thoughts...

Hey.

If you can spare some positive thoughts, send some over to my friend Devin of
The Swamplog.

I've mentioned him before, and besides the fact that he thinks I'm actually funny, he's a good friend.

Get some rest sir, and to everyone else,

Take Care.

Mike G.

This Man WILL Kick Your Ass.

As somewhat of a movie buff, I feel the need to tell Churn Nation about a film that is hitting these shores on Friday. It's called Ong Bak, and it features a young man named Tony Jaa. As near as I can figure out, Mr. Jaa is either a robot, or a warlock, because he is clearly not human. The movie site has some clips of Mr Jaa, and in my opinion, need to be seen to be believed. While I would never consider myself an expert, I am a big fan of the martial arts movie. I like the deep introspection of a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the balls-out frenetic pace of an Iron Monkey, and even the insanity of a Shaolin Soccer. Well, to summarize, Ong Bak looks to be awesome, and yes, that is a picture of a man jumping through a roll of barbed wire.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Does This Make You Want More Domain Names?

For those who want to see more of the Godaddy.com girl. Coincidentally enough, the young lady also known as Candice Michelle, currently displays her wares [not all of them though] on WWE Raw as their new 'makeup artist'. 

Public Service...

Hey Folks,

For those of you who weren't all that interested in the actual Big Game, IFilm has all the ads in one spot, along with the spots from previous years.

Even though this year's game was supposed to be 'family-friendly', from the halftime show to the commercials, someone still found something to be offended about.

godaddy.com, a domain registrar, decided to buy two spots and poke fun at the 'wardrobe malfunction' of last year. The ad only aired once. According to godaddy.com's President, the NFL told FOX to pull the spot. You can read his blog here.

If you'd like to see the different versions of the ad [broadcast and web-only] click here.

Whether or not the ad is funny, or makes you want to use them for your domain isn't the point. They already approved the ad and then aired it! Did they think the company was just going to ignore the fact that the ad they paid for wan't shown? Yes, there is an attractive lady in a tank top, but didn't the broadcast feature both teams' cheerleaders in and out of the commercials?

Gah.

I'm sure we'll hear more about this in the coming days.

Take care,

Mike G.

Radio is Fun...

Say Hello to Miss Jesse Jane. Believe it or not, I'll have the opportunity to speak with her tonight on the P1WAC. Also, Brother Mike and I will discuss the Royal Rumble, and the Road to Wrestlemania. It's like Christmas and my birthday all at once.

An Offer You Might Not Want To Refuse...

One of the fundamental truths you lean early on in your life as a nerd is this...

Video Games based on Movies will usually suck.

The Reason? Basically, the people responsible for the movie are hardly ever the ones responsible for the game, or the game has little or nothing to do with the movie it's based on.

But EA, the folks behind almost every good game you've played, are taking serious steps to discredit this maxim.

Hop on over to Gamespot, and marvel at the news.

Now the game itself may still suck, but at least it will look good.

Take Care,

Mike G.