Thursday, September 30, 2004

A Fresh Coat of Paint...

is nice and all, but you can count on Churn to stay the same, regardless of any external changes.


P.S it looks like BlogPatrol vanished into the ether, so I've turned to sitemeter to track the massive hordes.

Take Care,

Mike G.


BlogPatrol came back!

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Tragedies Continued...

So when I last left you I was discussing my current mini-obsession with certain TV Commercial ladies. Today, we'll coclude with a story I like to call:

A Breath of Fresh [And Alluring] Air.

So, The Sharper Image, home of the Unecessary Household Item, has been offering an item called the Ionic Breeze. According to their site, it uses "electrostatic precipitators" to clean the air. Apparently, if the unit hits 88MPH, you run the risk of traveling through time as well. Not everyone is a fan, as Consumer Reports gave the product an unfavorable rating. This did not sit well with the Image folks, who sued the consumer group.

But that's not why you read this blog.

to tell the masses about this revolutionary way to clean the air, The Sharper Image ran an infomercial, and hired the oddly attractive Carolyn Hennesy to host. The name was not familiar to me, and I soon found out why.

Since I would rather be beaten with a sack of doorknobs than watch Dawson's Creek, I was unaware that Ms. Hennesy portrayed Mrs. Valentine for about 7 episodes. She was also "Congresswoman with Haircut" in Legally Blonde 2. Here's a pic of her, and some video clips form her movie Wave Babes can be found here. For reference's sake, she's the one on the right.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Combined Tragedies...

One[?] of the dangers of watching as much TV as I do is that small things that you notice become astronomically important and weigh on your mind at inopportune times.

So right now my head-brain has decided to focus on commercials. Specifically two of them. The fact that they both feature attractive women is purely coincidence.

First up is the commercial for discount shopping site Overstock. A pretty brunette is extolling the virtues of "The O" in various stages of dress. At first I thought she was OK looking, but by the 50th viewing...

So, when I'm in need of direction and guidance, or to find out whether or not an actress has appeared naked on TV or Film, I turn to...

GOOGLE!!! [insert trumpet blast]

It turns out that I'm not the only one interested in Miss O, which saved me the effort of actually doing the research.

Her name is Sabine Ehrenfeld, and she's appeared on a fitness magazine cover, and had a part in the ABC series Murder One.

The second commercial girl is proving to be harder to track down, so I will leave you for now.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Live From Burbank..

this is an audio post - click to play

Actually, I'm just messing around with audio posting. While listening isn't mandatory, I may be giving you folks a reason to tune in next time.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Monday, September 27, 2004

More Strategery...

That could have gone better.

While I still hold that my Fantasy Wrestling strategy of drafting the entourage of more expensive wrestlers will pan out[eventually], the numbers didn't back me up. With a grand total of 33 points, I am in 9000+ place. I suppose this means I have nowhere to go but...possibly even lower.

But this week, there's a new wrinkle. With the No Mercy PPV this weekend, I've decided to concentrate mostly on the Smackdown roster, in the hopes that the extra points lift me out of this basement. This is my roster for this week:

Wrestler Salary
Christian $3,500,000
John Cena $4,500,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Paul London $2,750,000

Shelton Benjamin $2,750,000
Spike Dudley $3,500,000

Benjamin and Christian are there so I can earn at least some Raw points. As for the others, three have matches at the PPV, and one is a current champ. Just appearing in a PPV match is worth more than a regular show win. Once again, if anyone is interested in joining our league, please let me know, by commenting on this post.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Almost Forgot...

When I'm not being groped by women I don't know, I lead the life of a geek. In fact, like my Pal Brother Mike, I've found a way to combine multiple geek loves in the WWE's Fantasy League. My 'strategery' involves stretching my salary by using wrestlers that hang out with higher profile[and more expensive] ones:

Batista $4,500,000
Christian $3,500,000
John Cena $4,500,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Orlando Jordan $2,500,000
Steven Richards $1,000,000
Tyson Tomko $1,000,000
Totals $19,500,000

And before you ask, drafting Steven Richards was the equivalent of buying gum at the check-out of the grocery. I had the million dollars left over and thought, 'why not?'

I am beginning to question if I made the right choice by drafting from both RAW and Smackdown. I suppose the theory is that if you focus your cash on just one roster, you can afford more expensive wrestlers, and hopefully score enough points to offset ignoring the RAW roster.

If any Churn Readers are playing along, please comment on this post and leave your Email addy. I'm setting up a private league so we can bask in our dorkdom together.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Tonight's Specials Are...

With floundering nighttime sales, "Applebee's After Dark" attempts to add a new level of maturity to their Riblets and low-carb wraps. Posted by Hello

Actually, I need to back up a bit.

This past Saturday, my good friend Richard "Big Dick" Hunter of the P1 Wild Ass Circus celebrated his birthday at an establishment where ecdysiasts practiced their wares. My knowledge of these places has been limited to late night cable, so I figured I had to go not just to celebrate my friend's birthday, but as a new cultural experience. I won't bore you with all the details, but I did have a few observations.

Pecking Order
There are definite castes in this particular world, and it's not difficult to place each 'entertainer' in her specific slot.

While not ubiquitous, the mullet and lower back tattoo is out in force.

Food on the Table
I firmly believe that without these places of business, foreign techno groups like EMF amd Technotronic would die of starvation.

Lock-On Target
Wile the birthday party was being held in a separate section of the club, on occasion, a few ladies would wind their way through. They were like sharks prowling the seas, except instead of blood, they were smelling the dyes used in printing U.S Currency. Since I had little cash and don't drink, I was in Stealth mode, and invisible to their radar.

Which leads me to the photo.

I had been on the P1WAC a few days prior, and had told Richard about my lack of club experience. I suppose it gave him an idea, because that night, I was talking to someone when one of the entertainers walked up to me and began to...well, you get the idea. She told me her name was Ecstasy, but I suspect that may be an alias.

While not having anything to directly compare her work to, I thought she did a fine job. As far as 'participation' goes, I admit I erred on the side of caution. Of course, after I saw what others were doing, I realized I had nothing to worry about.

All in all, it was an entertaining and educational evening. Will I go back again? I don't know. I just bought the Star Wars DVDs, so I'll be busy for a while...

Take Care,

Mike G.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

I Can Get It For You Wholesale....

Quick note: I will discuss in full details the events of the past 24 hours, but until there is photographic evidence of said events, I'll keep my mouth shut.

Instead, I'd like to pass on a quick deal.

It seems that Microsoft really wants you to sign up for their new radio service. So much that they're willing to do a complete 180.

So they're offering a fairly sweet deal. If you go to MSN's page and scroll near the bottom, clicking on 'ad free radio' will allow you to sign up for a free 30 day trial. They're also throwing in MLB's Gameday Audio for those of you into baseball.

Also, in keeping with the frugal tone of this post, major props to Cheap Stingy B@stard. It's worth at least a daily click.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

All Things To All People....

Churn Management would like to take this opportunity to say hello to Jennifer. It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, and I hope this greeting isn't too forward.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Lookin' For Hits

This is a blatant attempt to relive the glory days of this blog. By that I mean the absurd numbers of people who came to this blog via Miss Erica Durance. I've got all the right ingredients...

  1. Bad movie based on video game.
  2. Little known actress.
  3. A refreshingly liberal view concerning clothing.

So let's go.

Please meet Ms. Sienna Guillory. She plays the role of policewoman Jill Valentine in Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Pause for a quick review of said film. I guess the best way to describe it would be like this. Imagine a jawbreaker with a soft candy center. Now imagine the outer layer tasting like rotten fish. Sure, the center might be good, but it's honestly not worth the effort. If you're looking for a Milla Jovovich fix, I would suggest you rent The Fifth Element.

But back to Ms. Guillory. She made her U.S acting debut in The Time Machine, which I had up to now conveniently forgot about. But that's not why you're here.

The USA Network, famous for Walker Texas Ranger and...I guess other shows, broadcast a 'Television Event" entitled Helen of Troy in 2003. Sienna played the title role, and while I can't speak to her performance...

See for yourself.

And with that I bid you good night.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Posted by Hello

Holy Fashion Victim, Batman!!

You know, I've always been a fan of Batman, but there's always been a few things about him that have struck me a bit odd. First, there's the whole issue that Batman is the real identity, and Bruce Wayne is the mask. The whole Robin thing raises some questions depending on what color state you live in.

But this takes the cake.

Personal choice aside, isn't this a bit too flashy to fight crime in?

I could be wrong. Maybe Superman's started wearing platinum teeth nowadays.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

One Trick Orton?

Well, it looks like the Randy Orton experiment will be on hold for a while, as HHH retook his WWE Heavyweight Championship belt earlier this evening at WWE Unforgiven.

While HHH holding the title isn't an uncommon sight, I was a bit taken aback to see him win the belt so soon. HHH/WWE has done such a job of eliminating any serious competition, I'm curious whether the next PPV will simply be an Orton rematch. No Mercy is a Smackdown PPV, which leaves Taboo Tuesday, which is billed as an 'interactive' PPV.

For more wrestling news and opinion, tune in Tuesday night to 1310AM for the P1WAC, or go to The Ticket website to listen online.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Whew! Finally...

You know how when you have a really juicy secret, and you really want to tell someone?

Or how you've always wanted to tell off the guy working in the next cubicle, but you know you're not 'supposed' to?

Well, our Vice-President finally got tired of holding his tongue Tuesday, and decided to share his thoughts with a large group of people and TV cameras.

It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States.


I guess the 'flip-flop' line just wasn't enough.

Let's put aside politics for just a moment. According to Cheney, and by extension the Bush Administration, a vote for Kerry is a vote for Terrorism. And not just regular terror, but some kind of Super-Size Terrorism.

Back to politics.

Would it be incredibly insensitive of me to point out that Bush's record on terrorism isn't all that stellar? I can think of at least one instance where you could criticize this Administration.

I mean, honestly. What happens if Bush wins and we get attacked? Will it still be Kerry's fault?

I guess I can't be too surprised. After all, we're living in a world where people are questioning whether or not a bona fide war hero actually earned his medals. The fact that their claims aren't even true is sadly besides the point.

But I think we can all agree that he at least showed up.

Take Care,

Mike G.

p.s. I still have a few more Gmail invites to give away. Just click here, try one of the offers, and I'll get in touch with you. Thanks in advance.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

But Ephram Can't Know!!!

Courtesy of the Photoguys, here's a pic of Big Dick Hunter interviewing the Lizard Man. What was the conversation about? Oddly enough, it revolved around Everwood's new season. Posted by Hello

Pick Your Poison...

From left to right, meet Angela Ryan, Jami Deadly, and Domina Athena. They were all very personable and charming, and I'm not just saying that because they threatened to kill me and plant my body in the foundation of the interstate. They were just a few of the people I met last night at the P1 After Hours Party.Posted by Hello

Just Another Monday Night...

It's way too late, but I want to give a quick preview to what might be the best post I'll ever make.

Tonight I spent my evening with three burlesque entertainers[one of which was a professional dominatrix], two exotic dancers, a Lizard Man, a WolfMan, Greg Williams, a sideshow barker, and a man whose talent involves an electric drill, several torches, and a hammer.

Stay Tuned,

Mike G.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

It's Official...

I am crazy now, Chuck.

I'm sure most of you have seen the Burger King ads with the Tony Robbins clone extolling the virtues of the Angus Diet. It's even been running as an infomercial across the dial from the Ronco Showtime Oven and that ladder that can transform into 15 other types of ladders.

So for a laugh, I went to the site and clicked around. There's some funny clips and jabs at the whole self-help movement. But what stopped me dead was the Book.

Whoever designed this campaign for BK flat out wrote a 120+ page book about this fake doctor and his fake diet. All to sell a glorified Whopper. I really can't decide whether it's genius or completely moronic.

Take Care

Mike G.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


Now, this isn't on the same level as Batman vs. Captain America, but it's still pretty big.

A few days ago Mark Millar of Authority and Ultimates fame, announced on his site that Jim Caviezel was set to play Superman in the upcoming movie helmed by Bryan Singer. As you know, Singer was the director of the 2 X-Men movies. Like news on the Internet is wont to do, word began to spread from site to site and even made it to the New York Post.

Enter Harry Knowles.

Mr. Aint-It-Cool-News posted on his site that Millar was mistaken and that no decision had been made as of yet.

Millar responded with a challenge. Given the people involved, you wouldn't be mistaken if you guessed it wasn't physical.

He put up a thousand dollar bet that Mr. Caviezel would have the role of Superman by the time shooting begin. Harry accepted, and the proceeds will go to their favorite charity, depending on who wins.

Newsarama has the whole story if you want more info.

I read somewhere that actors who have portrayed Jesus run into problems both professionally and spriritually. I can't even imagine the double whammy that awaits the guy that's played both Jesus AND Superman.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Insert Inappropriate Headlights Joke Here...

Well, it looks like Former Child Star and current surgical debate topic Lindsay Lohan is currently filming a remake/reimagining of Herbie The Love Bug. Here's a clip from the press release...

Herbie: Fully Loaded stars Lindsay Lohan, Justin Long, Breckin Meyer, Matt Dillon and Michael Keaton. Along with the cast, NASCAR Nextel Cup Series drivers Dale Earnhardt Jr., Jamie McMurray, Casey Mears, Kevin Harvick and Rusty Wallace will have cameos in the film. The film is scheduled for release in the Summer of 2005.

It sounds like they might try for some sort of Fast and the Furious clone. Now, I will admit, the visual of A VW Bug screaming past a nitrous powered neon pink Celica does sound amusing. It seems however, that everyone has forgotten about the 1997 remake, directed by Peyton Reed of bring it On fame, and starring genre movie legend Bruce Campbell.

Whoops, I almost forgot. Here's some Lohan pics...

Fun in the Sun...

Paging Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard...

Lindsay and her pal Tara Reid


Mike G.

If any of the new links near the bottom of this page appeal to you, please click on them. Yes, I may be compensated for providing these ads, but according to my calculations, I could earn upwards of Five Dollars!!

Take Care,

Mike G.