Thursday, April 28, 2005

Lots More Science...

I'm fairly coherent now, so here goes...

I'm a nerd, and while it might not be readily apparent, if I'm not careful I can let loose with all sorts of nerd/geek/dork talk. Richard decided to take advantage of this fact and perform an experiment over the next few weeks, with the first stage occurring last night/this morning.

Originally, we tried to find out if an exotic dancer would tolerate nerd talk if there was the possibility of a financial reward [table dances, drinks, etc]. This week the nerd topic of choice was the world of professional wrestling.

So before we headed out to the club, I had to get wired for sound. I'm sure Richard will have pictures on his site soon, but for now just imagine every TV show where someone has to wear a wire to take down some crime boss. Unfortunately, there would be no SWAT team ready to crash through the ceiling as soon as I said the code phrase "Delta Execute!"

We'll discuss the results of my investigation on the show, and I'll post word when I know the date. But I will give you some observations:

Sony makes a very fine and durable MiniDisc player/recorder. I had it in my pocket disguised as my cell phone, and it took some pretty heavy 'damage' if you know what I mean.

While none of the ladies I interacted with knew who the current WWE Heavyweight Champion was [Batista], a majority of them were familiar with Hulk Hogan.

Due to some miscommunication and poor planning, one of the ladies seemed to be under the impression that I had a stone pit in my apartment all decked out with a bottle of lotion and a basket on the end of a rope.

That should be enough for now. For those who can't get enough of your humble author, Friday I'll be at the American Airlines Center enjoying some good old Dallas Desperados Arena Football. Also, I'll be in my pajamas and robe. I hope the transit cops won't mind.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005


If this blog was a weather report, the NOAA would be broadcasting warnings of all sorts.

Tonight I'll be hip deep in a sociological experiment. Whether it succeeds or fails, I'll be back to write about it.

For Science!

Mike G.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Non-Technical Difficulties...

Forgive the lack of updates to the blog...I've been distracted by some stuff, not the least of which is Freedom Force for the PC. Since I am on the cutting edge of culture, it only took about three years for me to pick it up.

Of course, this was the best time for me to claim Churn on Blogshares. Apparently, even in fake money this blog isn't worth that much.

Take care,

Mike G.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Never Turn In A Late Paper To Him...

You might just get blown to smithereens. While doing some extremely important G.I.Joe research, I stubled across this Catholic University professor. Unfortunately, according to his bio there's no family history of donning steel masks.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Mike G.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Longing for the Days of the 2600...

Chest Bumps to the folks at Gamespot:

So Donavan McNabb will be the face of Madden 2006. Actually, it looks like the name will be Madden NFL 06, due to the fact that EA snapped up exclusive rights to the league late last year.

That got me to thinking...

Remember when almost every game company had their own football game? Just off the top of my head I can think of:

  • Tecmo Bowl
  • NFL Blitz
  • High Impact Football
  • NFL Football 94 Starring Joe Montana
  • TV Sports Football
  • Jerry Glanville's Pigskin FootBrawl
  • NFL Gameday
  • NFL Fever
  • NFL Quarterback Club
  • Mike Ditka Power Football

By the way, the first ever Madden Football game was designed for the Apple II.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Mazel Tov!

To the latest occupant of the Popemobile, Benedict XVI.

While Churn has no great experience with the politics of the Vatican, it appears that the tradition of conservatism started in the waning years of Pope John Paul's tenure.

In the wake of recent scandals involving US priests, it will be interesting to see if the new Pope will try to revisit the issue. Note that Bernard Law, former Boston archbishop, was promoted to Cardinal, and even presided over one of the Pope's funeral masses.

And we haven't even gotten to topics like homosexuality, reproductive issues, and the role of women in the Church.

Finally, on a wildly different track, I'd like to give a Churn shout-out to the fine folks at Purdue. Actually, that one person who surfed around a few days ago. Go Boilermakers!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Hidden Meanings...

since we're dealing with inappropriate songs, I was wondering, is the Four Seasons' song December 1963 (Oh What A Night) actually sort of seedy when you think about it?

Honestly, it sounds like some kid's first time in a cathouse.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Worm Cont...

So through a series of events I won't get into here, Richard has become acquaintances with the aforementioned Dennis Rodman, and booked him for a stint of radio appearances.

Last night, Richard and Dennis hosted a party at what I understand to be one of Dallas's finest 'clothing optional' clubs. There in the midst of the smoke and lights, I decided to come up with a list[I heard somewhere that everybody loves lists].

Inappropriate Strip Club Songs:

  • Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin: a sad tale of childhood lost by a father too caught up in other things.
  • One Tin Soldier by Coven: a 1971 song also known as the Legend of Billy Jack; a song so treacly it may give you cavities.
  • The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot: a song based on the real-life story of an ore freighter lost in one of the worst recorded storms in history. It sank in 1975 on Lake Superior. All hands were lost.
  • Hurt by Johnny Cash: a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song, made especially poignant by the video, in which a younger, defiant Cash from old footage and pictures is overshadowed by the Cash of today. He died roughly a year after this song's album was released.
  • Anything by Red Sovine: One of the masters of the 'trucker song' genre, his songs run the gamut from crippled boys, blinded truckers, dead wives, and kids hit by trains.
  • American Pie by Don McLean: there are some questions about the true meaning of this song, but most feel it to be atribute to the Buddy Holly and the change to rock and roll as a result.

There are a whole lot more bad songs out there; I'm just way too tired to think of any.

I've got some other thoughts about the party, and I'll tell you about them later.

Mike G.

The Worm Turned Up...

Hey Gang.

I feel and smell like an ashtray, and not the fancy and futuristic Ronco kind either.

My voice is shot, my eyes burn, and I'm fairly certain that by tonight, I'll be struck by some sort of illness.

I'll tell you the details later, but suffice it to say this all happened thanks to/no thanks to Dennis Rodman.

See you soon,

Mike G.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Check the Union Label...

Hey folks...

I've spoken a bit about video games in the past, but I found out something today that made me think about the state of gaming.

Quick disclaimer: the last system I owned was the legendary Sega Genesis, but I try to keep current on the gaming scene.

Ever since technology allowed actual voices and video to be used in a game, there's been a boatload of celebrities lending their image and voice. Remember Dana Plato in Night Trap? Other games feature the actual star in the leading role, ala Jet Li in Rise to Honor and the Shaq Daddy himself in the forgettable Shaq Fu. We reached the logical conclusion to this concept recently when EA Games announced they would create a game based on the 1972 film The Godfather. The game will feature likenesses of the actors, with new dialogue from Robert Duvall and James Caan, as well as from the late Marlon Brando.

Which leads us to this: On Friday, an agreement between the Screen Actors Guild, AFTRA and a group of 70+ video game publishers expires. As Games are becoming as big or bigger than Movies or Tv, there's been a greater focus on dividing up the spoils. As alluded to in the article, the game companies aren't used to the idea of residuals.

Thanks to SAG Watchdog for the link to the story.

Mike G.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Reality Intrudes...

Well, I guess we can't ignore it anymore.

The rumors have been confirmed, and while Churn wishes nothing but good for Mrs. Federline, we can't help but mourn the death of a wonderful dream.

The dream where we never had to see her stunning decline into White-Trashdom. The dream where she wasn't marrying back-up dancers with kids.

Maybe she'll make a Hot Mom, but the Collective Lust of men will have long moved on to the next barely legal 'songstress'.

I guess we'll always have Baby One More Time.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Monday, April 11, 2005

A Bike Not seen on Discovery Channel...

Ladies and Gents...well, just Gents[let's not kid ourselves here]. Feast your eyes on Ghost Rider's Hell Cycle, set to hit the screen in 2006. Thanks to SuperHero Hype for the pic. Posted by Hello

Friday, April 08, 2005

Even More Science...

Now, I'll discuss those who aren't famous. There's not as much difference in each level, but those distinctions are even more important. There's usually not much migration in this list, but it does happen.

  • Spokesmodel/Booth Babe - She's the cute girl that hands out stuff at conventions. You'll see her at your local bar, representing a certain beer or liquor. Her job is to convince men that buying/drinking their product will make them irresistable to women like themselves. Sadly, it's pretty effective.
  • Topless Dancer - This is dependent on a bundle of zoning regulations and the sale of alcohol. Strangely enough, she comes into very heated conflict with the
  • Nude Dancer - Sometimes wonders why the other two are so uptight and repressed.

There's not much outright animosity in this group, but each does see the other as inferior in some way.

So there you have it. The socio-political layer cake that is the realm of the Hot Girl.

Mike G.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The Topless Scientific Method...

After the radio show Richard invites us out to a local Gentleman's Club. Not wanting to be impolite, I graciously accepted[Free admission].

So there I am, surrounded by spinning colored lights, and pounding bass from apparently 100 different speakers. Oh, there were also naked women there, but I digress.

I'm taking thimble-sized sips of my $5.00 soda, and watching the various Ambers, Cyndees, and Mercedes display their wares. Some hidden voice at random intervals is exhorting the audience to 'show their love' and that Chloe is due on the main stage.

In the time I've been involved with Richard's show, I've gotten the opportunity to speak with people from all walks of life. One of the more intriguing types is the 'Self-Employed Model'. This term covers a lot of ground, and can mean anything from the girl that stands next to the boat at the convention center, or a Playboy Playmate, or even an adult film actress. I noticed that there's a unique pecking order/hierarchy for these ladies, and it's mostly self-enforced. Of course, there's a great deal of societal pressure to maintain this order. Here goes...I'll start from the top of the 'food chain' so to speak...famous people. I'll do the non-famous list later.

  • The Serious Actress/Model - refuses any sort of nudity. May even balk at lingerie or bikinis.
  • Maxim/FHM/Stuff/GQ Girl - has no problem with any sort of skimpy clothing, but always with a strategically placed sheet, arm, or other prop.
  • True To The Story - A quick flash of nudity, done in the spirit of 'Art'. This type keeps Mr. Skin in business.
  • Playboy Celebrity - This is for the woman needing a popularity boost. Your former child star 'all grown up', pop singer, or daughter of a famous person. This is followed by...
  • Nude Model - Late night cable and direct-to-video were her homes, but she's made it big online. Which leads us to...
  • Porn Star - Usually have no pretensions about their work...becoming more and more mainstream...masters of marketing themselves.

For better or worse, a self-employed model can only go one way on this scale, and will be categorized as such. For instance, Jenna Jameson has been in plenty of magazines without being nude, and made many TV appearances while remaining fully clothed. But she's still a porn star. The Playboy Celebrity [Drew Barrymore] stands a better chance, but that usually means it's the third question asked, instead of the first.

If I'm completely off the mark, please comment below.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Free Advice...


The next time everything seems to be falling apart, and nothing you do seems to make a difference, please remember this phrase, formatted for greater emphasis...

Boom Goes The Dynamite.

The beauty is, this phrase can work anywhere and in any situation. Parole board hearings, hostage negotiations, wedding vows, even on most standardized tests.

You'll thank me later.

Mike G.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

WM Fallout...

So we had a great big ol' watching party at Casa Brother Mike for Wrestlemania.

A good time was had by nearly all [Sorry Mrs. Hunter] and the overall feeling was that the show went fairly well, with just a few slow spots.

For a more detailed review, please tune in tomorrow night to SportsRadio 1310 at 8:00. Our segment usually happens around 9:00, but the whole show is highly recommended.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Wrestlemania Preview...

May want to print this out to keep score...The RAW matches in red, Smackdown in Blue...

World Heavyweight Championship: Batista vs. Triple H

Batista is given the ball, let's hope he can run with it. This was likely Orton's slot as originally planned, but the fan's disinterest in him forced the WWE to bring Batista into the spotlight early. Whether Dave's popularity is due to himself, or simply that he's challenging HHH; I'm not sure, but we'll find out.

WWE Championship: John Cena vs. JBL

Cena's got a bad movie out...might as well give him the belt. JBL did manage, by sheer act of will, to turn me around on him. He became a classic heel, every time outwitting his opponents. Unfortunately, there's noone but Cena, whose 'thug' act has become more and more juvenile, to challenge him. Let's hope he doesn't pimp out the Title belt like he did the U.S. Title.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Bit of a push...Give it to Shawn. I still hold that while this will be a great match and a possible show stealer, they're about 3-4 years too late. It's too easy to have high expectations for this match, so be forewarned.

Piper's Pit with Stone Cold Steve Austin

Someone will get a Stone Cold Stunner, and finally the 'WHAT?' chants will make some sense. They'll still be annoying though.

Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match

Edge? no reward for bad behavior. Shelton? too green, but keep an eye out. Jericho? unfortunately seen as tainted goods. Christian? Please. Kane? Thrown into the mix because of the Hardy/Edge/Lita Triangle. My guess is Benoit takes the briefcase and either turns heel or starts the process. Another potentail show stealer.

Women's Championship: Christy vs. Trish

Hopefully the WWE has recovered from their delusion, and Trish beats the holy hell out of Christy. But since the WWE fired most of their female wrestlers and hired 'self-employed models' instead, I'd expect Christy to win. As unskilled as she's been on TV, Trish might have to pin herself. Also, look for a Lita heel turn.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

While I'm not much of a Taker fan, I'm sure not an Orton fan. While the WWE has been forcing him down our throats, I think they'll have him break Taker's streak in a last ditch effort. I'd rather see Taker's useless streak continue, but I'm not counting on it.

Sumo Match: Big Show vs. Akebono

Gah. That much flesh slapping against each other might cause a fire. Unless Show pulls out that long rumored moonsault, this is a good bathroom break.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Possible show stealer. Pity there's no real story behind it. They're still Tag Champs, so you can't even have a 'former champs turned enemies' angle. Eddie lies, cheats and steals to get the win, setting up more discord. Look for them to lose the titles soon.

Other Notes:

There will be a 30 man Battle Royal vith both brands. No word on if it will air on Heat or the PPV. There are conflicting reports that have Hogan doing something at Wrestlemania.



Intercontinental [Shelton in Ladder Match]

Tag Titles [Regal and Tajiri]


Cruiserweight [Paul London]

Tag Titles [Eddie VS Rey in match]

US Championship [Orlando Jordan]

I hope you enjoyed that, but please remember that I'm not liable for any financial losses based on any bets made using this info.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Thowing a Bullet Vs. Shooting One...

It's the little differences that mean so much.

I pulled double duty on the P1WAC the other night. By that, I mean after the end of the show we recorded a few extra segments to play tonight, as Richard was hosting a party outside of the station.

I know I'm no great broadcaster. I don't have the voice, and I pepper my thoughts with a tom of pauses, 'ums' and 'uhs'.

But unlike the audience, I usually don't have to listen to myself.

Except for tonight.

So I guess I owe the listeners out there an apology.

My Bad.

I'll keep going on the show, I'll just have a bit more sympathy for those in Radio Land.

Take Care,
Mike G.