Back In Town...

Currently back in Dallas helping out my pal Devin with some radio stunt.

Also doing my best to fend off sickness.

Enjoying life.

Courage,
Mike G.

Bored?

Here's a fun rainy-day activity:

For those born in the late 70's/early 80's, attempt to explain the premise of the Kevin Bacon star vehicle Footloose to someone 18 years or younger, and assure them it was an actual motion picture.

Have fun!

Courage,
Mike G.

They Look Like Ants From Up Here...

pic011408_1.jpg, originally uploaded by thesporq.

When you spend all day hearing excuses why people don't pay their cell phone bills, you get bored. I turn to the comfort of miniature super heroes.

Courage,
Mike G.

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Will This Float?

So at least some writers are going back to work in the new year...

While I'm glad that Worldwide Pants and the WGA were able to work out an agreement, I'm a bit unnerved by the lack of response I've seen from CBS. Of course, what really could they say?

While they'd love to hype the only shows on Network TV returning with their full writing staff, doing so would probably lead people to ask exactly why that's so.

And on the other side of the rift, I'm wondering if some of the WGA members are a bit resentful. Also, in the long run. does this help or hurt the overall effort?

Courage,
Mike G.

A Worthy Purchase...

So today I bought a laser pointer in the shape of Darth Vader's lightsaber for about five bucks.

That senetence pretty much tells you everything you need to know about me.

Courage,
Mike G.

Double-Checking...

Just to make sure, there is a commercial out there featuring Steve Buscemi and Norm McDonald as Gingerbread people extolling the benefits of pre-paid cellular phone service, right?

I'm not just imagining it.

Cause that would be crazy.

Insane.

Ludicrous, even.

Courage,
Mike G.

Listen Up...

Please notice the new column to the right of this post...

Thanks to the folks at Pandora, I can now share the type of music I like with my reader[s].

Thanks to what they're calling the Music Genome Project, this music player will take songs and bands you like and analyze their characteristics and give you other songs and bands that you might also like. Mainly, it's an excuse to take groups that have no business being together and seeing what will happen. For Example,
try my newest station, The Metallic Spice Collective.

The other reason I'm doing this post is that it's way too freaking cold to go outside and I've watched too much TV today anyway.

Courage,
Mike G.

Remain Calm...

Here is the TV post I Twittered about yesterday:

First off, My Close Personal Friend Jane Espenson would like to recommend a site to all of those who are looking for a way to support the WGA's recent strike. Please click here for details.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not a close personal friend of Jane Espenson, but we once ate some killer Tex-Mex together, so that should count for something.

And now, what no one has been waiting for:

I am a big fan of the new NBC show Chuck. To be perfectly honest, I was a big fan of the first draft of this show, when it was on UPN and called Jake 2.0. Bitterness aside, I do really like it.

But because my personality is such that I tend to obsess over the things that I like [Pixar's Cars toys, Comic Books, Kristen Bell] I've gotten to a point in the ongoing story way before the writers meant for me to.

[If by any chance the next episode fully explains this, I would only be mildly surprised]

So Chuck has a copy of the Intersect, which contains nearly all the intelligence gathered by the United States, burned into his brain. The original was destroyed by his best friend/nemesis Bryce Larkin for unknown reasons. So now Chuck has wacky, action-packed spy adventures with some bittersweet romantic tension.

Now we as the audience know that a new Intersect is being built, and this has some very dire consequences for our hero Chuck.

What bothers me is that Chuck should also be worried, given his unique background.

Let me explain:

Say that a pre-Intersect Chuck is happily surfing away on his computer. But something goes Wrong. Very wrong. Long story short- his hard drive got fried. But Chuck is a prepared Nerd Herder and always backs up his files. All is well.

But not really. What if the backup copy couldn't be changed? What if there was no way to save new information? Essentially, what if Chuck's computer were frozen in time? Sure, you could use it for a short while, but what good is a computer that can't be upgraded or even run different software?

The Intersect was the ultimate information database when Chuck accidentally burned it into his brain. But every day after that, it's becoming more and more obsolete. Chuck works in an industry that is designed around planned obsolescence. He has to be aware of the fact that as time goes on, the information in his head will be less and less valuable, and so will the aforementioned head.

Finally, wouldn't Chuck at least assume that the government would build another Intersect? And what happens when it's done?

Yeahh...sometimes I think a bit too much.

Courage,
Mike G.

Bored On A Sunday...

So I've been mostly Twitter-ing instead of posting to the blog proper.

A quick recap of the past few months...

Still in Odessa.

Doing some call center work. It's actually better than it sounds. Union work, full medical dental and vision coverage, and it's all inbound.

Still keeping a torch lit for Dallas and the people and places I had to leave behind.

And as always, remaining vigilant should I spontaneously manifest meta human powers such as hyper speed, invulnerability, or psychokinesis.

Courage,
Mike G.

He's Not Just Magical...

Apparently, Albus Dumbledore was FABULOUS! as well.

Thanks to Boing Boing for the link.

I wonder how the Right will react to this. Remember, they were already ticked off when it was just about magic.

And You Thought...

That having a CG Jabba wadlling around onscreen was bad enough...

From the fine folks that bring you PvP:




Courage,
Mike G.

This Is What Happens...

When you face off against an incredibly sensitive Code Of Conduct policy at your workplace.

The following is what I DID NOT say to a woman who seems to have a great deal of animosity towards me:

I am sorry, but I think you may have confused me with someone else you hate. I am not Satan, nor am I the person in charge of women's dress sizes. I am also not the person who makes the puzzles on Wheel of Fortune so darn tricky. I hope that clears things up between the two of us.

Instead, I merely said 'Good Morning' and tried not to stare as she rolled her eyes so far around they threatened to tear away from her optic nerve.


Courage,
MIke G.

Temporary Suspension...

of my Guy Card for this post, but I'll make up for it in the end.

So I needed some sheets for my bed; sure, my Classic Transformers set was still good, but I thought it was time to move on.

Normally, I'd go to my closest retail juggernaut and buy whatever what was on sale and fairly non-flammable, but with a new job and a tiny bit of disposable income, I thought it would be wise to put a bit of thought in the decision. After all, next to your workplace and your car, you're spending a big chunk of your life in bed.

So it's off to the retail jungle.

I have to admit I am conflicted about these Bed, Bath, Linens N' Beyond Things places. On the one hand, they are TV Gadget Cavalcades. If there's an infomercial about it, odds are it's here. Unfortunately, all of it is surrounded by an almost impenetrable wall of pillows that aren't meant to be rested on, towels you can't use, and things called shams and valences.

But back to the story.

After an initial case of sticker shock [so much for the 1000 thread count], I decided to go for something different.

There's this fabric called modal that's made from beechwood. [Insert Budweiser joke here]. Like all things, Wikipedia has more info on the subject.

All I can tell you is that these sheets are amazing. Super soft and extremely comfortable. Mike approves.

And now, as a special thank you for enduring that post, I give you:

ASS KICKING!



And for those not so fond of the kicking of ass:

JUVENILE WORDPLAY!



Courage,
Mike G.

Hey Kids! Radio!

Sorry for the lack of updating...

I've come back to one of my first loves [in a small way].

My 'sibling from a maternal unit other than my own' Devin has invited me to take part in his somewhat biweekly podcast.

So jump over to his site and join in.

Courage,
Mike G.

Who Knew...

That involving yourself in an illegal dogfighting ring would lead to legal discomfort?

I hate to bring up pop culture at this point, but I suspect a great deal of this was a result of 'keeping it real'.

Without delving into socio-political arguments, I have to believe that Vick felt that this 'sport' was giving him some sort of cred. Cred from people too far below any kind of relevance, sure, but cred nonetheless.

And I thought I had a bad year.

Courage,
Mike G.

Self-Test...

This is a "good to know" kind of post.

Watch this clip:



It's good to know that a 50 foot drop onto plywood doesn't always mean instant death.

Courage,
Mike G.

[thanks to With Leather for the original link.]

Doors Opening...

So, if you've seen my Twitter post, I'll be rejoining the ranks of the employed next week.

It's not my dream job, but it's OK for right now.

More updates later.

Courage,
Mike G.

Brief Comments...

Sorry about that, but I'm not creative enough right now for a better title[once you see what the post is about, you'll know why].

Am I the only one who finds themselves humming the 'Apple of my Eye' song from the Fruit of The Loom commercial?

And if you're unaware, click on this, and be prepared to get a little misty. I love the complete lack of irony and the total seriousness of the video.

I try not to be moved by advertising, but stuff like this and the Sonic commercials really work on me.

Heck, if I had a job, I might be tempted to purchase some of their products.

Courage,
Mike G.

With Apologies...

To Johnny Paycheck...

In about 12 hours, I'll be informing my superiors that the retail automotive industry will have to learn to get along without me.

I did not make this decision lightly; thinking about makes me a bit queasy. Of course, thinking about not doing it makes me want to vomit.

I'm not sure what I'll do next. I'd like to spend about a week savoring the fact I no longer have to answer this question:

So, what's your bottom line price on this?

But I don't have that luxury. I have a few leads, but if anyone out there has any high-paying positions that require little experience and even less actual talent, please drop me a line.

Oh, before I forget, I had my laser surgery on my other eye Friday. So far, everything looks ok. I'll go back in two weeks to make sure my interocular pressure's where it needs to be. And for those of you who might be curious as to what an argon laser might look like:



So to recap: things are changing.

I'll try and keep you updated. Here, over on my Myspace, and my new corner of the 'Net, The Amigos. Heck, I'm even on Twitter.

Things are about to get interesting.

Courage,
Mike G.

Shiny...

Wow.

Now that was a shindig.

CAN'T STOP THE SERENITY 2007 wrapped up in the wee hours of the morning, and the early returns indicate that this years total will demolish the mark set in 2006.

Massive thanks to everyone involved, from the special guests to the folks who lended a hand just because.

Pictures and video will be along shortly.

I'll also do a special link-filled post very soon.

Dev, Tara, Manda, April, Cedric, Jane, and too many more to list:

Thanks for everything. Thanks for making a difference. Thanks for making me a tiny part of something huge.

Thanks for doing the impossible.

Courage,
Mike G.

Inside Joke Alert!

"Now hooold on just a minute!!!!

Television?"

Touch Down...

I'm in Dallas, and at a computer in the lobby of my hotel.

How's that for an update?

I managed to get a little time off and thought, what better way to spend it than to be an unpaid volunteer for a charity movie showing?

In less than 24 hours, my good friend Devin will be hosting one of over 40 nationwide showings of the movie Serenity. All proceeds will benefit Equality Now, an organization dedicated to equal rights for women. You can learn more here.

So for me, it's a few hours sleep, and then back to work.

Courage,
Mike G.

P.S. Watch the Twitter box on the side of this page for updates throughout the day.

A Lack of Vision...

It was just supposed to be your average visit.

I'd been through the drill before:

"Which looks clearer, #1 or #2?"

"Better, or worse?"

My main concern was that my prescription would be so strong I'd be able to see a few minutes into the future.

But I didn't expect what happened next.

The doctor told me not to worry...the puff test concerned him a bit, so he was scheduling another test.

A few days later, I took the second test. The results...weren't comforting.

I got sent to a specialist. After some more futzing around with my eyes, the verdict was in.

Glaucoma.

[You can lean more about Glaucoma here and here.]


To my credit, I didn't immediately fall to my knees and curse my Creator; nor did I revert to the fetal position and go catatonic. My doctor, who had no doubt done this many times before, laid out my options.

I could go with eyedrops, which I would have to take for the rest of my days.

Or, I could undergo Selective Laser Trabeculectomy. The major advantage to the laser treatment is the fact the effects could last for up to five years.

In less than 48 hours, I'll be going in for the SLT.

I'm honestly not sure why I'm writing about this. It's not for the attention[I think]. I could have easily sent out an email to my friends. I guess I don't want anyone else going through that shock. If I hadn't gone in for new glasses, I wouldn't have ever found out, and since Glaucoma has no symptoms, by the time a person's vsion is truly affected, it might be too late. And it's not just the elderly who have it either. Bottom line: Get Tested.

Unfortunately, I have lost some peripheral vision, but the SLT will help me keep the vision I have. It's a good thing, too.

There's a bunch of stuff I haven't seen yet.

Courage,
Mike G.

Tinfoil Hat Alert...

So, earlier this evening I was enjoying some Nacho-y goodness[special thanks to the fine folks at Penzeys Spices and their excellent Bold Taco Seasoning]

As I reached for some more tortilla chips, I noticed something written on the bag: a statement declaring that these chips would go perfect with their brand of salsa[Tostitos].

At first, I just chalked it up to the crass commercialism/synergy/vertical integration we get blasted with on a daily basis.

But then[and this may have been a mistake], I started thinking.

Tostitos' parent company is Frito-Lay, makers of everything from Cheetos to Rold Gold pretzels. They've created flavors and color combinations that don't exist in nature.

Which brought me to my hypothetical question:

What if the reason Tostitos Salsa went perfect with Tostitos chips was because it was designed that way?

Look, there's all kinds of additives out there. Stuff to keep food fresher, stuff to keep cereal from getting soggy, stuff to keep seasonings from clumping together. Is it really that far a stretch to think that the idea hasn't crossed somebody's mind? I figure Chemical A gets sprayed on or mixed in the chips, and is set to react with Chemical B in the salsa. When they meet, maybe they add an extra hit of spice, or make the salsa a bit thicker.

I know this sounds insane, but I can't help but think this is the sort of thing marketers dream about.

You know, before blogging, I'd usually tell all of this stuff to my imaginary pirate friend.

Courage,
Mike G.

Locaton, Location, Location?

Sadly, Mr. Jenkins never understood why he never got any offers on his parcel of land:



Actually, I saw this outside our local mall the other day. Apparently there was some sort of Bounce House arms race that I was not aware of. Off to the side of this lizard was an even bigger giant lying on his back. Kids entered a gaping hole in his head . Cheery.

Also in the mix was the always appropriate Titanic-themed slide and one with some sort of tornado with a face.

Courage,
Mike G.

Free Food!

Sort of.

Even though I'm not there to join in, I wanted to send a quick reminder to my friends out in the DFW area.

The folks at Chipotle will be giving free burritos, tacos, or salads on June 5th when you bring a non-perishable food item for the North Texas and Tarrant County Food Banks.

And if you're not in Dallas, donate some stuff to your local food bank anyway. Karmically speaking, it's just a good idea.

Courage,
Mike G.

Film Thoughts...

First off...

Click here, if you please.

Then, skip to about the 1:31 mark.

I don't know if it's some carrot being tossed to the fans just for the trailer, but I approve.

Second, finally got to see Spider-Man 3 today.

I didn't not like it.

I just don't know. There wasn't anything completely bad about the film, but there was this sense that Raimi was trying to pack two movies into one.

And now, Some Questions:

I love Anchorman as much as the next guy, but a re-enactment of the whole 'jazz flute' scene seemed out of place.

I suppose he did it out of some sense of loyalty for the actors and the desire to bring back familiar elements, but why oh why did Raimi bring back the skinny blonde? All she does is provide Peter with baked goods and stumble around. I won't lie, she's pretty cute, but why is she there?

So you're the mentally askew son of a deranged super-villain. You want to fulfill your dead father's dreams of revenge, and have been given the means to do so. Your weapons and gear are finally ready. All that is left is to select a fearsome visage.

You pick a paintball mask.

Okay, fine. An Electric Sliding paintball mask.

Finally, I've read where the budget for this movie was astronomical. I can only guess how much money they had to pay for what must have been the World's Largest Shoehorn for Stan Lee's cameo.

Courage,
Mike G.

Recieving The Signal...

So I just got XM Radio today.

I know, XM has a bit of stodginess about it, but 9 months of free service and a 10 buck radio kind of made it an easy decision.

I do like the addition of XM Radio Online, since I'm at my PC a lot more often than in my car. Of course, getting into the world of satellite radio may be an ill-timed move, especially given the fact I correctly predicted the XM/Sirius merger.

Call me flighty.

In other news, way belated congrats to my close personal friend Dev, who has chosen a bride [for the 2nd or 3rd time, depending on who you ask] and will be wed later this month. Unfortunately, I don't believe I will be able to join them, as my personal path has taken me...somewhere else.

I do want to take this opportunity to publicly ask the bride and groom something...

The Vidalia chop Wizard?

REALLY?

REALLY.

Not to poke fun, but I have to know...are you two waiting for your 10th anniversary to bust out the Esteban Guitar or dare I say it-The Bedazzler?

Of course, I kid. Mainly because I love.

Courage,
Mike G.

Sweet Jebus Above...

Recently, I've been neglecting my blogging duties. Frankly, my current circumstances warrant that only the most extraordinary occurrences would get me to start typing.

Thanks to my pals at Toy News Intl, that occurrence has happened.

Optimash Prime.



May Xenu have mercy upon us all.

Courage,
Mike G.

Closure...

So that one guy who said he was the father of that lady's baby turned out to be telling the truth, and that other guy who said he was isn't.

Good thing we got that straight.

Courage,
Mike G.

More Stuff...

So I picked up Twitter, in the hopes that I'll be able to blog via my phone and update this thing more than once a month.

Let's see what happens.

Courage,
MIke G.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I Give You...

Optimus. Prime.

Courage,
Mike G.


p.s. Megatron? I'm still sorting out my feelings on his look so far.

Not To Worry...

I'm still here.

A bit busy, but still here.

More entertainment soon.

Courage,
Mike G.

"24? More Like 1/24."

Please forgive the joke.

Before the next installment of the Gold Medal Flour Jack Bauer Hour of Power Hour, I'd like to note the recent announcement made at this years Toy Fair:



You can click here for more pics, and here for the press release.

A tip of the Churn hat to the folks at Toy News International.

Courage,
Mike G.

Only Four Months Off...

If only I could guess football games this well...

From January of last year...

From earlier this morning...

Of course, this isn't a done deal, and of course there's that whole monopoly thing to deal with.

It's nice to be right about something. For once.

Courage,
Mike G.

Desire...

Hey there gang.

Not much to post today, but a little something I found online.

Way way back in January of 2002, the WWF/E produced a video that summed up exactly why anyone is a professional wrestling fan. For a company that edits, ignores and even willfully forgets its own history, it was a powerful look back. A lot has changed in the last five years, but it still has much of the same impact as when it first aired.

Enjoy:



Courage,
Mike G.

Getting Sidetracked...

Wow.

First off, a huge thank you to everyone involved in making my trip to Dallas so memorable. Seeing old friends and getting back into the ol' announcer's booth was a real treat, and hopefully I'll be able to make it back very soon.

As for Devin's last post, I promise to have an adequate response very soon. Until then, since Churn is the place where Internet Memes go to die, I'd like to quote an article written a few years ago by Kieth Martin:

If we accept all the Star Wars films as the same canon, then a lot that happens in the original films has to be reinterpreted in the light of the prequels. As we now know, the rebel Alliance was founded by Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Bail Organa. What can readily be deduced is that their first recruit, who soon became their top field agent, was R2-D2.

What then follows is an inspired piece of writing that makes a little too much sense. You can read the rest of it here, if you haven't already.

Courage,
Mike G.

Jambox In Disguise

It was really great catching up with Mike G. when he came back to Dallas last weekend. After getting him his celebratory Jamba Juice, we tooled around a rainy city talking about ... well, damn near everything.

Over the course of the weekend, i busted out my iPod and played the Patton Oswalt bits from the "Last Laugh 2006" Comedy Central special, and he showed me some wrestling videos on his Creative Zen player. It was the first time I had screwed around with a Creative player, and I have one big problem with it: the interface. The buttons aren't uniform in how they... work. This button works to get you here, but its counterpart doesn't work to get you in the opposite direction. VERY non-intuitive.

However, I think I have the answer to get Mike to finally give up all of the imitators once and for all:

Meet the Convoy iPod Docking Bay.

It's a transforming iPod Dock that converts from tune-blasting robot into an 18-wheeler. The dock is licensed by Apple, and is available for pre-order now for $144.99 from BigBadToyStore.com.

Now, I know what Mike's thinking: the REAL reason he doesn't have an iPod is they're so damned expensive. Big deal. When will you ever see a Transformer dock for the Creative players? Or, bog help 'em, the Zune? That's right, you won't.

The Art Of The Gag Reel

When Katie Sackhoff or Dean Stockwell screws up a line and swears, that's cool. Your brain can process that.

But when Edward James Olmos does it... well, something short circuits for me.



This may or may not get you ready for Sunday's return of 'Galactica,' but it certainly pulls back the curtain.

Is This A Pun?

Thanks, T-Shirt Hell!

Courage,
Mike G.

Throwing Meat To The Wolves...

So, remember Devin's post a short while ago about a particular robot girl exposing her... operating system for all to enjoy?

Well hold on to your...actually, I don't want to finish that sentence.

If you're 18 or older, or know someone who is:



Here Ya Go.

May the Kittens forgive me,

Courage,
Mike G.

I Guess So...

Yeah,
I guess it did really happen.

'Not with a bang, but a whimper.'

Oh well.

Courage,
Mike G.

No.

My. God.

That didn't just happen, did it?

Mike G.

I'm So Pretentious, I'll Use TWO Initials In My Name

As a rule, geeks are grumpy.

Sure, they follow their particular favorite movie / TV show / comic book with slavish devotion, but their future experiences with said favorite thing are colored by the "newness" of the first time.

Examples:

* 'Star Wars'
* 'Star Trek'
* 'Alien'

James Cameron avoided the dreaded and feared geek backlash by making a completely different movie in 'Aliens' than Ridley Scott did in 'Alien.' (Of course, I can imagine the reaction in pre-production if the movie were released in the time of the Web: "Cameron's just a low-budget hack. 'The Terminator' was cheesy, and he'd be better off sticking to that low-grade horror genre, rather than screwing up the greatness of Scott's claustrophobic vision!") Every film since then has been either poorly written (Alien3), or poorly directed (Alien: Resurrection), or both (Alien vs Predator). At least you could point to the pedigree of the two direct sequels -- David Fincher, Jean Jeunet, Joss Whedon. With 'AvP,' you has Paul W.S. Anderson. [shudder]

And here's the real kick in the crotch: 'AvP' KILLED at the box office, bringing in $171 million worldwide. So, being the money-grubbing whores Fox is, they're denying us a real return to the 'Alien' realm we've been craving, and instead, giving us more pap with 'AvP2.'



Two things give me hope about this flick:

It's not written by Paul W.S. Anderson.
It's not directed by Paul W.S. Anderson.

Early Returns...

So, let's take a quick review of Devin's contributions so far to the Churn Nation:

1. Geek News? Check.

2. News about young women disrobing? Check.

Combining the two?

Well done my friend.

Well done.

Courage,
Mike G.

Such As: Kittens Everywhere Cringe In Terror!

Word around the campfire is that Tricia Helfer, known to all the citizens of Geek Nation as Number Six from SciFi's Battlestar Galactica, will have a photo shoot in next month's Playboy.

Anything I could type next would come off as a horrible double entendre, so I'll leave that up to you.

Konnichiwa!

First, a quick 'hello' to the Churn! faithful. Mike G. gave me a key to the place, wanted me to water the plants, and make sure no one's broken in and set up a meth lab or anything of the sort.

Next, pretty much every time I talk to Mike, he tells me how excited he is about the Transformers movie. I know this will likely get me tossed out of his blog as fast as I got invited, but I simply missed the boat on the Transformers.

Thundercats? Check.
Star Blazers? Ding.
Thundarr the Barbarian? Bingo.

But Transformers? Nope. Does nothing for me.

I don't know why -- you would think the robots in disguise would have been right in my wheelhouse. But, for whatever reason, Optimus Prime holds no special place in my heart.

Maybe this new Japanese trailer will help:



Okay, that helps... although Shia LeBeouf gently reaching to cop a feel wasn't necessary. Maybe the
Japanese audiences need the love touch.

Resolved...

That I attempt to blog a bit more often.

That I make it back to Dallas for a visit before everyone there forgets about me.

That I sell a vehicle to someone familiar with the concept of responsible credit.

That I call another Derby Devil bout before I forget how.

That I at least look into the concept of not being single.

That I reclaim my rightful place as WWE Fantasy Champion. Note: this may come into conflict with the previous resolution.

That I finally make some progress on my autobiographical rock opera.

Courage,
Mike G.

Watch. This.

Now.

Transformers Trailer.

Cautiously optimistic.

Courage,
Mike G.

I Endure...

While the wild world of auto retailing has left my schedule fairly packed, I wanted to take a moment to share some the inspirational 'tools' that have been handed to us by the Powers That Be:


And here's some more:



I can't speak to their motovational power [at least without displaying a lack of finesse and an abundance of sarcasm] but I know two things:

1. Those posters cost someone a pretty penny.

2. We probably could have gotten these with very few people noticing the difference.

Courage [and Happy Thanksgiving],

Mike G.

"I Immediately Regret This Decision!"

A quick word of advice:

At 8:30 PM, a Steakfinger basket from your local Dairy Queen is better as a theoretical concept than as a meal.

Thanks for your time,

Courage,
Mike G.

Object Of Desire...

This. Shirt. Is. Genius.

Courage,
Mike G.

Eerily fitting...

Thanks, Despair!

Courage,
Mike G.

Oh Yeahhh...

I did say I was going to update this thing more often, didn't I?

A quick word of advice, and a declaration or two.

Actually no, I don't know how much your Altima is worth. What I do know is that you'll be unhappy with just about any amount I come back with. I also know that if you could get what you think it's worth on your own, you would already have done it.

WWE Fantasy is only a week away, and The Churn Army has been chomping at the bit to put this past season behind them and begin the road to the Title.

So, Screech has a sex tape, huh? I thought as soon as I started to do something it became passe' and lame. Guess he beat me to it.

I'm looking for an MP3/Video device that's not from Redmond, WA. Any pointers?

That's enough ramblings for now. To close, here's one of my favorite videos of all time. Enjoy.

Courage,
Mike G.

Cheapness for Cheapness' Sake...

While TV grazing, I saw something that made me think.

During a broadcast of the Professional Bullrider's Tour, a profile was aired about one of the bulls. Accompanying the piece was Metallica's "Enter Sandman".

This same piece of music used to serve as the entrance theme for The Sandman, a professional wrestler best known for smashing his opponents with a bamboo cane and his own face with a beer can. He was one of the primary faces of ECW, a wrestling federation with mature storylines and sometimes shocking violence.

When the WWE purchased ECW, The Sandman's theme was replaced with generic guitar riffs, presumably to avoid royalties.

Just thinking out loud.

Courage,
Mike G.

First Sale

First Sale
Originally uploaded by thesporq.

Another bit of housekeeping, this was taken about a month ago with my trusty camera phone, mostly to prove to myself that I indeed did sell a car.

Courage,
Mike G.

Don't Call It A Comeback...

After much struggle, things are starting to return to normal here at Churn HQ.

Translated: I finally got DSL.


What this means for you, Dear reader, is that you'll once again be delighted/bored by my writing on a more regular basis.

So some house cleaning:

Season 8 of WWE Fantasy is fast approaching, and the Churn Army will be starting the long, hard road back to the title belt.

Many congrats to the Dallas Derby Devils, who recently completed their first ever season. I was fortunate enough to be a small part of this family, and their hard work has really paid off with the DDD Travel Team winning the first ever Governor's Cup Tournament. The Travel Team added another feather in their helmets by holding the nationally known Austin Rollergirls to a 1 point victory in an exhibition match.

My Close Personal Friend, Richard Hunter, made his return to the airwaves this past July. As I've said before, Richard's played a part in some of the most interesting things I've ever been involved with. The best part about his new gig is the fact that he's made his shows available to download at his website.

More, when events dictate.

Courage,
Mike G.

No Doubt...

Today. Sucked.

Tomorrow? Hopefully not so much.

Courage,

Mike G.

Sales Consultant

Not Too Much To Ask...

If your random Texas Oil Millionaire walked into my dealership and decided to buy Tahoes for every day of the week, including one each for his wife and mistresses?

Just wondering,

Courage,
Mike G.
Sales Consultant

Hmmmmm....

So it looks like I can blog from work....

We'll see how long this lasts...

Courage,
Mike G.

Small Update...

Still without regular Net Access.

Currently in training to provide the finest in automotive transport to you and your loved ones.

[quick note: it mostly involves 'persuading' you and your loved ones to pay me large sums of money]

Making plans to return to my old stomping grounds [for at least a weekend].

Courage,
Mike G.

Some Light...

At the end of this tunnel.

As most of you know, I've had to make a change of scenery for the forseeable future. While my powers of self-denial are formidable, the fact is I'm living in a place where Chipotle and Jamba Juice are just intangible concepts.

What is most decidedly real are the huge granite slabs emblazoned with the Ten Commandments, located in our only mall, across from the Foot Locker, just after the kiosk where you can get a scrolling LED belt buckle. [yes, I'm complaining. Yes, I know this is all my doing.]

Anyways, I've just secured employment in my new surroundings, so logic and reason dictate that things should get somewhat better. Thanks to those I cajoled and begged for assistance in this matter.

More soon when events warrant.

Courage,
Mike G.

New Digs...

So, for those of you who aren't aware, I've made a little change location-wise.

I'll still be providing all of you with the high quality you've come to expect from this blog, with a bit of a West Texas perspective.

I'm still trying to get my internet access squared away, so the posting will be a little light for a while.

Courage,
Mike G.

Stand By...

Some very minor technical difficulties.

Will be back to posting in a short while.

That is all.

Good Day.

Courage,
Mike G.

Legal Wranglings...

So I got this email a few hours ago...

To Whom It May Concern:

I work with Paramount Pictures and am contacting you to respectfully request that you remove the Transformers image that you have posted on your site - http://thesporq.blogspot.com/2006/06/pimp-my-bot.html

The footage is not authorized for release and we are currently reaching out to sites/blogs with the same request. Please let me know when this has been removed. Thank you in advance for your assistance – it is greatly appreciated!

Sincerely,

XXXX XXXX


____________________________

XXXX XXXX

Project Manager

New Media Strategies

Tel: (XXX) XXX-XXXX

XXX@newmediastrategies.net

The Xs have been added to ensure anonymity, even though I probably don't have to.

So, what should I do? I don't think there's any legal reason for me to delete this image, but I probably will just cause I don't want to get sued.

Not So Much Courage,
Mike G.

Shout-Out Time...

A patriotic shout out to the proud men and women of Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi. Keesler is "Home of the premier electronics and communications training center in the Air Force". And is also home to the 2nd largest medical facility in the Air Force. Almost 16,000 military and civilian personnel live and work on the base.

And a special note to whoever visited this blog from Keesler: I hope you didn't get into too much trouble.

Courage,
Mike G.

Pimp My Bot...

IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO HISSY FIT


And here it is. As far as we know, Bumblebee's car mode is not a VW bug, but a modified Camaro. Also unknown is how many Transformers will exist as actual props instead of pure CGI models. The question of mass-shifting has also yet to be resolved publicly[as far as I know]. For those unaware, mass-shifting refers to the fact that certain Transformers 'grow' or 'shrink' during transformation, the biggest examples being Soundwave [cassette player to huge robot] and Megatron [pistol to huge robot].

A teaser poster has been released at the official site, with a teaser trailer due to hit the net July 4th and theaters July 7th.

Courage,
Mike G.

Geeks Assemble...Again!!!

If you read this blog with any regularity, chances are:

1. You're a big fan of the occasional half-dressed British model.

2. You know more about pop culture than you probably should.

This post is for those in category #2. Fans of #1 shouldn't worry, as we'll have something for you soon.



As most of you know, this here is the Autobot Warrior Bumblebee. One of the smallest[yet bravest] Autobots, Bumblebee serves as the group's espionage expert.

Over the years, his look and design have evolved.


Here's how most of you probably remember Bumblebee, from the cartoon version of The Transformers. One of the friendlier Autobots, he was one of the first to befriend humans after their arrival.




While the Transformers had been in comics before, it wasn't until Dreamwave and Pat Lee's version of the characters truly reflected their robotic nature.


The Transformers have been an incredibly long-lived toy series, being produced in one form or another for over 20 years. News broke recently about a series of Transformer Classics which update the original designs:

And now, the object of this post.

Michael Bay is directing a Transformers live-action motion picture. Fan speculation is running the gamut, with rumors of transforming Ipods, a "Hollywood" voice cast instead of the original voices, and whether or not the cars will be the same models as in the cartoon.

My next post will do little to calm the masses.

Courage,
Mike G.

Geeks Assemble!!!!!!

It's really quite simple.

Spider-Man 3.

Trailer.

See it here.

Thanks for your time.

Courage,
Mike G.

A Good Day...

So...

I'm tired beyond all reason, my voice is gone, and I've just ingested several questionable items from my fridge.

But other than that, I'm flying high.

Another successful night of Roller Derby has come and gone, and once again I managed to not screw up too badly. The highlight of the night was during a bench-clearing brawl between the High Seas Hotties and the Suicide Shifters. I decided that the time wasright to settle old scores, and I launched myself at Meatpie[our other announcer] and took him down. In the end, noone was hurt[I could have destroyed him though] and the crowd went home happy.

Thanks again to all the Derby Devils for making me feel like a part of the family. I look forward to these bouts every month.

Courage,
Mike G.

Not Too Late...

If you're needing something to do tonight, you can still join me and all of the Dallas Derby Devils tonight for an action-packed evening. Doors open at 7, BYOB, no glass please.

Courage,
Mike G.

P.S. Thanks to Richard Hunter for a wonderful evening at The Lodge last night. You can join him every Saturday night just by visiting the Lodge's Myspace Page.

Green Room...

Currently in the FreeFm studio's green room, awaiting my return to the Dallas airwaves. Slightly nauseous.

Courage,
Mike G.

When It Rains...

The Mike G. World Tour of Dallas kicks into high gear starting tomorrow:

Friday:

Listen for me tomorrow on the popular Pugs And Kelly Show. Adding to the fun will be the special guest host Big Dick Hunter. Later that night I'll be joining my good friend Devin as he hosts a special charity screening of Serenity at the Studio Movie Grill.

Saturday night will find me at the ecdysiast establishment known as The Lodge for a MySpace get-together. To join in, become a Friend of The Lodge. You'll get free admission and other perks.

Finally, Sunday night caps off this merry-go-round as I help to present all of the hard hitting action of the Derby Devils of Dallas. The doors open at 7pm at the World Famous Forum Roller World. Musical entertainment will be provided by Werewolf and Last of the Interceptors. Remember that the bout is BYOB, and no glass please.

Thanks for your time, and I hope to see you at one or all of these events.

Courage,
Mike G.

Crap...

Well, congrats to the Miami Heat, who won an almost-unprecendented four games in a row to win their first NBA Championship.

My condolences to the many wives and girlfriends who will be feeling the wrath that comes with unchanneled sports anger. Remember to take pictures as soon as possible for documentation purposes.

Courage,
Mike G.

And a slight rant about the pre-game presentation: I don't know who's in charge of this sort of thing, but why would you put on an acapella group to sing the National Anthem? You've got a huge nationwide audience, Miami has presented acts like Michael McDonald and Clarence Clemons, and we[Dallas] answer with that? I almost forgot, Dallas also featured an American Idol finalist and a country singer.

This is the biggest event that the NBA puts on, and they're reduced to mining VH1 Classic and Reality Show runners-up?

At this year's All-Star Game, the NBA brought out Destiny's Child. Why are the Finals relegated to some sort of second class?

I know this is small potatoes compared to how completely the Mavericks ate it in the finals. I only hope that this pitiful performance will give Mark Cuban some humility. It was nice for a while, but I guess it's back to being a football town for a while.

Courage,
Mike G.

An Urban Story...

The churrascaria had been closed for months, a victim of the gentrification that was long promised but never happened.

The ornate plate glass windows and doors had been transformed by neglect and well-aimed rocks; a crossword puzzle of empty space and dusty glass.

Pablo had been the last gaucho hired. More than anyone else, Pablo had dedicated his life to the art of presenting and serving the grilled meats on their steel skewers. The loss of his position affected him profoundly, sending him into a deep psychotic depression. His mind constructed an elaborate fantasy world to help him function. In this alternate reality, a discarded piece of rebar served as a replacement skewer; a soiled Strawberry Shortcake blanket became an apron.

Day by day, Pablo roams the streets in search of diners. Sadly, he finds no takers for his Radiator-Grilled Pigeon Rolled in Cigarette Butts and Gravel, served with a leftover Coffee Reduction.

Soon this artifice became too much to bear. Pablo was found impaled on his own makeshift skewer, a cardboard disc[handcolored red] by his side.

Courage,
Mike G.

Wha?

Sweet Jebus, could someone explain why/how the Mavericks are self-destructing like this?

Calling time outs without knowing how many you have, phantom calls...

ugh.

I'm not even a big basketball fan, and I feel like someone punched me in the gut.

So now it's back to Dallas and two must-win games.

Oh well.

Go Mavs...I guess.

Courage,
Mike G.

Roller Derby Update...

To all within the sight of this monitor:

My secondary gig as the play-by-play voice of the Derby Devils has been one of the most fun things I've ever been involved with.

So to that end, please allow this blatant and pandering pitch for people to attend our latest match:



Tickets are $10 in advance and $12 at the door. You can get yours at these fine locations....

Good Records in Dallas
214-752-4663
1808 Greenville Ave.
Dallas, Texas 75206

Forum Roller World in Grand Prairie
972-641-0661
1900 S. Great S.W. Pkwy
Grand Prairie, Texas 75051

All Points Tattoo in Hurst
817-280-0944
510 E. Pipeline Rd.
Hurst, Texas 76053

Sunshine Bar and Grill in Arlington
817-277-6252
902 W. Division St.
Arlington, Texas 76012

You can also purchase tickets from one of the four teams in our league:

The Wrecking Crew

The High Seas Hotties

The Slaughterers

The Suicide Shifters

Just become their MySpace friend and send them a message with TICKETS in the subject line.

I hope to see a lot of you at the bout on June 25.

Courage,
Mike G.

Something I've Iearned...

If Nyquil tasted better, we'd be a nation of sleepers.

Courage,
Mike G.

Remember, No Using Your Hands...

So if this doesn't get people thinking about soccer...



More images of Team Keeley [NSFW!] here, courtesy of Manny's Babes, and thanks to GorillaMask for the initial link.

Courage,
Mike G.

A Stretch....

In case any Heat fans are reading this blog, here's a quick taste of what you'll see when you head into our town later this week:



This is the sad shell of a building known as the West End Marketplace. The Dallas Observer has a short piece on it here.



The Marketplace was also the home to Dallas Alley, and several sculptures/art pieces that represented famous Texas musicians.


Once you make it to the American Airlines Center [on foot, car, taxi, limo or helicopter, depending on where your seat is] you'll be met by this:



This is one of the two four-paneled screens that will face the main plaza leading up to the AAC's entrance. If you'll notice, the screens are mounted on rails, which allow them to move from one end of the building to the other. They can also split up into four smaller screens or two larger ones.

It's all part of a huge development deal they're calling Victory Park. Here's an artist rendering:



Last, but most certainly not least is the dizzying W Hotel, undergoing finishing touches for their grand opening later this month:



I hope you've enjoyed this small list of places I'll most likely never see in person. I know I enjoyed bringing them to you.

Courage,
Mike G.

p.s. Mavs in 6.

Back With Bells On...

It's been a while since I posted...

So to start off, here's a pic I snapped from the after-party last night/this morning.

The Dallas Derby Devils had another rousing bout at Forum Roller World, and even though at times the rink was quite warm, I think everyone had a good time.

More updates soon.



Courage,
Mike G. 

Time Out...

Guys,

I may have to spend some time away from my blogging duties. Everything's OK; I just think some unplugged time would do me good.

Should be back soon.

Courage,
Mike G.

Sigh...

Was it really so long ago, when everything was so much simpler, less complicated?

Courage,
Mike G.

To One's Own Self Be True...

Two very important topics today...

First off:



Tickets can be purchased at the DDD web site. Due to the change of venue, there will be fewer tickets available for this bout, so please don't hesitate.

Secondly:

A pair of trailers were released the other day for Ghost Rider. While Nic Cage's hair reminds me of a certain NBA team owner, they look pretty awesome. You can see the trailers here, courtesy of Steve Jobs. What intrigues me most about the trailer is this screencap:



While there was a western themed Ghost Rider, he did not share any of the current incarnation's supernatural aspects. I'm curious if the demonic characteristics are going to be retconned into the comics.

Courage,
Mike G.

Game 7...

Many congrats to Dirk and the Mavs for geting their act together and dispatching the Spurs last night. Speaking as an award winning sports commentator[which I am not], I thought it would be a good idea to refer you to the words of Bob Sturm, one half of BaD Radio, heard weekdays 12-3 on The Ticket.

Courage,
Mike G.

One Last Thing...

Here's the newest poster for Superman Returns, courtesy of the magic elves at IGN...



The more I see and read about this movie, the more I become convinced that Fox should have backed the money truck up to Bryan Singer's door and begged him to stay for X3.

Fine, I liked Rush Hour, even the sequel. But from the clips that have hit the net, I'm not too optimistic about Brett Ratner's directing...

Courage,
Mike G.

Leaving No Doubt...

One of the few positive things that came out of the Terri Schiavo controversy was the idea that one's final wishes should be known and documented, thus avoiding needless pain.

This lady wanted to make Super-Double-Extra Sure that her wishes are followed.

Courage,
Mike G.

I Don't Suppose...

anyone out there would be interested in picking up one of these for me...or how about this?

Well, it never hurts to ask.

Courage,
Mike G.

M Is For The Many...

Things you do for me...

Big Mother's Day wishes to not only my mother, but to all mothers everywhere.

Sure, a card and some flowers might seem trite in the face of all that they do for us, but it's more about the feeling behind the gifts.

So call your mom [not collect] and wish her a happy Mothter's Day.

Courage,
Mike G.

It's True...

I actually do know roller derby girls. In fact, at times, they actually acknowledge my presence. Here's photographic proof:





















The night seemed to go off with very few problems. The crowd was very into all of the goings-on and even the bands were great.

To cap off the night, we had our official after-party at the inappropriately-named Sunshine Bar.

[QUICK ASIDE]

Let's be honest, if you're in a bar past 11pm on a Sunday night, I believe it would be fair to assume that life as a whole isn't working out exactly as you had planned. Imagine if, as you're searching for Life's answers at the bottom of a bottle, your sanctuary from reality is invaded by dozens of crazed Roller Derby Girls high on an adrenaline rush. I'm just saying.


Thanks again to all the Derby Devils for letting me play in your sandbox.

Courage,
Mike G.

Full House...

It looks like we'll have a sold out Arlington Skatium tomorrow night for the Dallas Derby Devils.

If you haven't gotten your tickets yet, you might not be out of luck. We will be selling any unclaimed Will Call tickets after the start of the first period.

Courage,
Mike G.

Even More Layers...

Courtesy of our friends at Borders, here's footage of Gary Troup talking about his just released book.

Has the polar bear gotten him yet?

I'm curious if any real i.e existing authors are jealous of the attention Gary's recieving.

Courage,
Mike G.

Audio Bazaar...

Time for yet another piece of audio fun, this time from the strangely named Jimmi Jammes.

Before I sign off, a quick shout out to my good friend Brother Mike, who's going under the knife tomorrow/today. Please hold a good thought for him.

Courage,
Mike G.

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Lost In The Layers...

So, read the new Gary Troup mystery novel yet?

Depending on your TV viewing habits, you're either a fan of LOST, or 70's era New Zealand cricketers. [Thanks, Google!]

Today's post is for the former group.

As near as I can figure, Gary hasn't even been seen on the island yet.

Even though I'm not a big fan of the show, I love the meta-ness of it all. A fictional character from a show has written a book featuring other fictional characters, which will most likely allude to events in and about the first show.

My friends who watch the show are fairly divided as to what 'the deal' is with the show. Some think no one survived the crash and are in some sort of afterlife, one believes the whole island is someone's hallucination, and the more cynical one feels that the writers are flying blind[until the show's last season].

Finally, for fans of the burrito-y goodness that is Chipotle, they're running a neat promotion. This Saturday and Sunday, remember to keep your receipt when you buy your food. It's good for a free burrito anytime May 8-14.

Courage,
Mike G.

My Fight Song...Today, At Least.

So I finally got rid of the AOL IM on my cell phone.

Amazingly, it only took a few months for me to realize that text messaging does essentially the same thing. And since I do prepaid cellular, it makes sense to cut out stuff I don't need. If I had one of these, I might reconsider.

Finally, tonight I thought I'd regale you with one of my current favorite songs, I found this thanks to the folks at Boing Boing, and I really like how this combines two [seemingly] different worlds. I would pose that both artists were trying to show reality at a time when very little was honest and truthful.

Courage,
Mike G.

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Another Open Letter...

To The Extremely Enthusiastic Sales Associate[Who Also Looked A Lot Like Howie Mandel] At The Ebay Seller Place:


I didn't want to say anything at the time, but I walked in mostly to get out of the cold and to walk off some of the sandwich I had for lunch. I will say you have a finely crafted sales pitch though.

Courage,
Mike G.

So, Brick...

Brick Tamland: I love... carpet.
[pause]
Brick Tamland: I love... desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp! I love lamp.

Comedy in convenient shirt form:


Courage,
Mike G.

Off-Balance...

Here's how it breaks down:

An hour ago I was deep in thought, weighing the pros and cons of a variety of shower gels.

Thirty minutes after that, I'm bargaining with the automotive gods to spare my car from melting in a heap on Plano Road.

The shower gels become less important.

Everything's ok[more or less]. I just wanted to mark this shift in priorities.

Courage,
Mike G.