Monday, February 27, 2006

Cracking Down...

Earlier today, the WWE instituted a substance abuse and drug testing policy. This will be a very interesting development, since in part, steroids shaped professional wrestling during one of it's greatest booms.

Some of the substances banned by this policy are as follows:

Anabolic Androgenic Steroids:

androstenediol, androstendione, bolasterone, boldenone, chloroxomesterone (dehydrochlormethyltestosterone), clostebol, dihydroepiandosterone, dihydrotestosterone, dromostanolone, epitestosterone, 4-chlortestosterone, fluoxymesterone, formebolone, furazabol, mesterolone, methandienone (methandrostenolone), methandriol, methenolone, methylclostebol, methyltestosterone, methyltrienolone, mibolerone, nandrolone, norandrostenediol, norandrostenedione, norethandrolone, norethindrone, oxabolone, oxandrolone, oxymesterone, oxymetholone, stanozolol, stenbolone, testosterone, trenbolone

Benzodiazepines:

Alpha-hydroxy-alprazolam(Xanax), Lorazepam(Ativan), Nordiazepam(Valium), Oxazepam(Serax), Temazepam(Restoril)

Diuretics:

acetozolomide, amiloride, bendroflumethiazide, benzthiazide, bumetanide, canrenone, chlormerodrin, chlorthalidone, diclophenamide, ethacrynic acid, furosemide, hydrochlorothiazide, mersalyl, spironolactone, triamterene

I've decided that in the spirit of fairness, our WWE Fantasy Wrestling league should go by the same policy. Like the policy states, investigations will occur if any of the following are observed:



1. physical signs of red or droopy eyes, dilated or constricted pupils;

2. slurred speech, stumbling, or hyperactivity;

3. needle marks;

4. repeated unexplained disappearances from an Event;

5. unexplained lateness in arriving for an Event;

6. nose constantly runs, appears red, or persistent sniffling;

7. time distortion, including repeated tardiness and missed appointments;

8. chronic forgetfulness or broken promises;

9. accidents during Events;

10. inability to concentrate, remember, or maintain attention;

11. mental confusion, paranoia, or presence of abnormal thoughts or ideas;

12. violent tendencies, loss of temper, or irritability;

13. extreme personality change or mood swings;

14. deteriorating personal hygiene or appearance.

Hopefully I've posted this in time for our league members to clean themselves up before our next event. Oh, for those of you who are curious, thesporq.com is still in first place with 1214 points, and I'm ready for testing at any time.

Courage,
Mike G.

1 comment:

The ever shrinking Chubbs said...

LOL oh boy talk about going over board on an idea there Mike. Are you going to draw this up with your attorney and have all of us sign the next time we are all together for a PPV. I will probably be violating the first rule until I get out school in May, since I am in the middle of a school semester. Seriously, though I hope the WWE keeps their word and sticks to the said plan.