Sunday, June 29, 2008

We've Met The Enemy...

And it comes 3 to a pack.

As much as I hate to say it, a weekend impulse purchase has caused me to think long and hard about Society.

Simply put, Nilla Cakesters are the reason so many people hate us as a country and a people.

It's not like there were any glaring deficiencies with regular Nilla wafers. As near as I can tell, they've been around for over a hundred years. But apparently, a simple cookie just wasn't good enough.

A crisp cookie? Can't have that. Lets pump in enough air and shelf stable fats to make it as soft as a pillow. While we're at it, let's get at least three kinds of sugar and make some filling twenty times sweeter than a Nilla wafer could ever be. Then we'll pack 'em three to a sleeve and gloss over the fact we're counting each one as an individual serving so the masses can delude themselves.

To recap, we took something that was perfectly fine and 'improved' it to the point that I defy anyone to eat one and truly feel better about yourself afterwards.

Maybe I'm being too dramatic. I just think some very smart and very cynical people knew exactly what they were doing when they came up with this stuff.

Tune in next week when I lay into the folks responsible for Flamin' Hot Funyuns.

Mike G.

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