No.

My. God.

That didn't just happen, did it?

Mike G.

I'm So Pretentious, I'll Use TWO Initials In My Name

As a rule, geeks are grumpy.

Sure, they follow their particular favorite movie / TV show / comic book with slavish devotion, but their future experiences with said favorite thing are colored by the "newness" of the first time.

Examples:

* 'Star Wars'
* 'Star Trek'
* 'Alien'

James Cameron avoided the dreaded and feared geek backlash by making a completely different movie in 'Aliens' than Ridley Scott did in 'Alien.' (Of course, I can imagine the reaction in pre-production if the movie were released in the time of the Web: "Cameron's just a low-budget hack. 'The Terminator' was cheesy, and he'd be better off sticking to that low-grade horror genre, rather than screwing up the greatness of Scott's claustrophobic vision!") Every film since then has been either poorly written (Alien3), or poorly directed (Alien: Resurrection), or both (Alien vs Predator). At least you could point to the pedigree of the two direct sequels -- David Fincher, Jean Jeunet, Joss Whedon. With 'AvP,' you has Paul W.S. Anderson. [shudder]

And here's the real kick in the crotch: 'AvP' KILLED at the box office, bringing in $171 million worldwide. So, being the money-grubbing whores Fox is, they're denying us a real return to the 'Alien' realm we've been craving, and instead, giving us more pap with 'AvP2.'



Two things give me hope about this flick:

It's not written by Paul W.S. Anderson.
It's not directed by Paul W.S. Anderson.

Early Returns...

So, let's take a quick review of Devin's contributions so far to the Churn Nation:

1. Geek News? Check.

2. News about young women disrobing? Check.

Combining the two?

Well done my friend.

Well done.

Courage,
Mike G.

Such As: Kittens Everywhere Cringe In Terror!

Word around the campfire is that Tricia Helfer, known to all the citizens of Geek Nation as Number Six from SciFi's Battlestar Galactica, will have a photo shoot in next month's Playboy.

Anything I could type next would come off as a horrible double entendre, so I'll leave that up to you.

Konnichiwa!

First, a quick 'hello' to the Churn! faithful. Mike G. gave me a key to the place, wanted me to water the plants, and make sure no one's broken in and set up a meth lab or anything of the sort.

Next, pretty much every time I talk to Mike, he tells me how excited he is about the Transformers movie. I know this will likely get me tossed out of his blog as fast as I got invited, but I simply missed the boat on the Transformers.

Thundercats? Check.
Star Blazers? Ding.
Thundarr the Barbarian? Bingo.

But Transformers? Nope. Does nothing for me.

I don't know why -- you would think the robots in disguise would have been right in my wheelhouse. But, for whatever reason, Optimus Prime holds no special place in my heart.

Maybe this new Japanese trailer will help:



Okay, that helps... although Shia LeBeouf gently reaching to cop a feel wasn't necessary. Maybe the
Japanese audiences need the love touch.

Resolved...

That I attempt to blog a bit more often.

That I make it back to Dallas for a visit before everyone there forgets about me.

That I sell a vehicle to someone familiar with the concept of responsible credit.

That I call another Derby Devil bout before I forget how.

That I at least look into the concept of not being single.

That I reclaim my rightful place as WWE Fantasy Champion. Note: this may come into conflict with the previous resolution.

That I finally make some progress on my autobiographical rock opera.

Courage,
Mike G.

Watch. This.

Now.

Transformers Trailer.

Cautiously optimistic.

Courage,
Mike G.

I Endure...

While the wild world of auto retailing has left my schedule fairly packed, I wanted to take a moment to share some the inspirational 'tools' that have been handed to us by the Powers That Be:


And here's some more:



I can't speak to their motovational power [at least without displaying a lack of finesse and an abundance of sarcasm] but I know two things:

1. Those posters cost someone a pretty penny.

2. We probably could have gotten these with very few people noticing the difference.

Courage [and Happy Thanksgiving],

Mike G.

"I Immediately Regret This Decision!"

A quick word of advice:

At 8:30 PM, a Steakfinger basket from your local Dairy Queen is better as a theoretical concept than as a meal.

Thanks for your time,

Courage,
Mike G.

Object Of Desire...

This. Shirt. Is. Genius.

Courage,
Mike G.

Eerily fitting...

Thanks, Despair!

Courage,
Mike G.

Oh Yeahhh...

I did say I was going to update this thing more often, didn't I?

A quick word of advice, and a declaration or two.

Actually no, I don't know how much your Altima is worth. What I do know is that you'll be unhappy with just about any amount I come back with. I also know that if you could get what you think it's worth on your own, you would already have done it.

WWE Fantasy is only a week away, and The Churn Army has been chomping at the bit to put this past season behind them and begin the road to the Title.

So, Screech has a sex tape, huh? I thought as soon as I started to do something it became passe' and lame. Guess he beat me to it.

I'm looking for an MP3/Video device that's not from Redmond, WA. Any pointers?

That's enough ramblings for now. To close, here's one of my favorite videos of all time. Enjoy.

Courage,
Mike G.

Cheapness for Cheapness' Sake...

While TV grazing, I saw something that made me think.

During a broadcast of the Professional Bullrider's Tour, a profile was aired about one of the bulls. Accompanying the piece was Metallica's "Enter Sandman".

This same piece of music used to serve as the entrance theme for The Sandman, a professional wrestler best known for smashing his opponents with a bamboo cane and his own face with a beer can. He was one of the primary faces of ECW, a wrestling federation with mature storylines and sometimes shocking violence.

When the WWE purchased ECW, The Sandman's theme was replaced with generic guitar riffs, presumably to avoid royalties.

Just thinking out loud.

Courage,
Mike G.

First Sale

First Sale
Originally uploaded by thesporq.

Another bit of housekeeping, this was taken about a month ago with my trusty camera phone, mostly to prove to myself that I indeed did sell a car.

Courage,
Mike G.

Don't Call It A Comeback...

After much struggle, things are starting to return to normal here at Churn HQ.

Translated: I finally got DSL.


What this means for you, Dear reader, is that you'll once again be delighted/bored by my writing on a more regular basis.

So some house cleaning:

Season 8 of WWE Fantasy is fast approaching, and the Churn Army will be starting the long, hard road back to the title belt.

Many congrats to the Dallas Derby Devils, who recently completed their first ever season. I was fortunate enough to be a small part of this family, and their hard work has really paid off with the DDD Travel Team winning the first ever Governor's Cup Tournament. The Travel Team added another feather in their helmets by holding the nationally known Austin Rollergirls to a 1 point victory in an exhibition match.

My Close Personal Friend, Richard Hunter, made his return to the airwaves this past July. As I've said before, Richard's played a part in some of the most interesting things I've ever been involved with. The best part about his new gig is the fact that he's made his shows available to download at his website.

More, when events dictate.

Courage,
Mike G.

No Doubt...

Today. Sucked.

Tomorrow? Hopefully not so much.

Courage,

Mike G.

Sales Consultant

Not Too Much To Ask...

If your random Texas Oil Millionaire walked into my dealership and decided to buy Tahoes for every day of the week, including one each for his wife and mistresses?

Just wondering,

Courage,
Mike G.
Sales Consultant

Hmmmmm....

So it looks like I can blog from work....

We'll see how long this lasts...

Courage,
Mike G.

Small Update...

Still without regular Net Access.

Currently in training to provide the finest in automotive transport to you and your loved ones.

[quick note: it mostly involves 'persuading' you and your loved ones to pay me large sums of money]

Making plans to return to my old stomping grounds [for at least a weekend].

Courage,
Mike G.