The Force Was Strong In This One...

I hate to admit it, but it looks like the second time was the charm.

Though I prefer to wait till we get a complete scoring report form the judges, I think it's safe to say that we might have a winner in 'whip-a-stripper' 2005. Of course I'll give you the heads up as to when we'll broadcast the audio. for now, a quick preview...

This time around, I refined my approach. My goal was to portray myself as not just a nerd, but a confident, almost cocky nerd. In fact, I would be able to take any and all of these women home with me because of my Star Wars nerdness.

Also, when a stripper tells you, "I'll be right back", is she lying? I was able to put that theory to the test.

I learned that maybe going for the silver or the bronze is the better choice in the long run.

Well, I have to wash the body glitter off of me.

Take care,

Mike G.

A Hive of Scum and villainy?

Nah, just implants and G-Strings.

Phase two of the P1WAC's grand experiment begins later tonight, as I will attempt to win the hearts of various 'self-employed models' with my vast knowledge of Star Wars. If they can fight through my love of podracing, midi-chlorians and the engineering prowess of the Colicoid race, they'll be substantially rewarded. My reward? A fully subsidized trip to a strip club. So really, everyone wins.

Yours in The Force,

Mike G.

M Is For The Million Things She Gives Me...

A big Churn shout-out all the mothers out there. You do way too much and are vastly unappreciated.

And, because I can't help being dark, I noticed that some schools around here had their Prom last night.

So, another Churn shout-out to all the brand new moms-to-be out there, just coming out of their hangovers. I hope he remembers your name on Monday gals!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Geeks Need Warmth, Too.

Courtesy of the Greatness of Boing Boing, the dilemma of what to do with all the promo T-shirts in your house is now solved. And no, giving them to the homeless doesn't count. Sorry.

Your Pal,

Mike G.

Arriba, Arriba!

Please tune in later tonight, as I will be partaking in the P1WAC's Cinco de Mayo festivities. Richard said he'll be bringing together all the Hispanic listeners of The Ticket, so I guess it'll be about 6 or 7 of us.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Sports?

Yeah, but not too much.

So, the Mavericks have tied up their series with Houston, and you must be wondering how you can show your support for Dallas's favorite German.

You could buy one of these.

Take Care,

Mike G.

So Would They Call It Blog-ola?

First off, know that Churn adheres strictly to an iron-clad set of values, and nothing on this Earth will make me compromise them. Let's set aside the fact that I'm not that sure what those values are right now. As I've said before, this blog might not be that great, but it's 100% me.

Except, when I forget to give credit to someone.

Or if it was really funny and I'm stuck for something to write.

Also, Churn refuses to feed at the Corporate trough. One cannot be free to speak if they are beholden to a faceless entity's checkbook.

That said...

If you want high quality footwear, clothing and accessories with a modern edge, Etnies should be your destination. Also, whether it's a backpack, golf bag, overnight or messenger bag you need, look no further than Ogio.

Take Care folks,

Mike G.

Lots More Science...

I'm fairly coherent now, so here goes...

I'm a nerd, and while it might not be readily apparent, if I'm not careful I can let loose with all sorts of nerd/geek/dork talk. Richard decided to take advantage of this fact and perform an experiment over the next few weeks, with the first stage occurring last night/this morning.

Originally, we tried to find out if an exotic dancer would tolerate nerd talk if there was the possibility of a financial reward [table dances, drinks, etc]. This week the nerd topic of choice was the world of professional wrestling.

So before we headed out to the club, I had to get wired for sound. I'm sure Richard will have pictures on his site soon, but for now just imagine every TV show where someone has to wear a wire to take down some crime boss. Unfortunately, there would be no SWAT team ready to crash through the ceiling as soon as I said the code phrase "Delta Execute!"

We'll discuss the results of my investigation on the show, and I'll post word when I know the date. But I will give you some observations:

Sony makes a very fine and durable MiniDisc player/recorder. I had it in my pocket disguised as my cell phone, and it took some pretty heavy 'damage' if you know what I mean.

While none of the ladies I interacted with knew who the current WWE Heavyweight Champion was [Batista], a majority of them were familiar with Hulk Hogan.

Due to some miscommunication and poor planning, one of the ladies seemed to be under the impression that I had a stone pit in my apartment all decked out with a bottle of lotion and a basket on the end of a rope.

That should be enough for now. For those who can't get enough of your humble author, Friday I'll be at the American Airlines Center enjoying some good old Dallas Desperados Arena Football. Also, I'll be in my pajamas and robe. I hope the transit cops won't mind.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Warning!!!

If this blog was a weather report, the NOAA would be broadcasting warnings of all sorts.

Tonight I'll be hip deep in a sociological experiment. Whether it succeeds or fails, I'll be back to write about it.

For Science!

Mike G.

Non-Technical Difficulties...

Forgive the lack of updates to the blog...I've been distracted by some stuff, not the least of which is Freedom Force for the PC. Since I am on the cutting edge of culture, it only took about three years for me to pick it up.

Of course, this was the best time for me to claim Churn on Blogshares. Apparently, even in fake money this blog isn't worth that much.

Take care,

Mike G.

Never Turn In A Late Paper To Him...

You might just get blown to smithereens. While doing some extremely important G.I.Joe research, I stubled across this Catholic University professor. Unfortunately, according to his bio there's no family history of donning steel masks.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Mike G.

Longing for the Days of the 2600...

Chest Bumps to the folks at Gamespot:

So Donavan McNabb will be the face of Madden 2006. Actually, it looks like the name will be Madden NFL 06, due to the fact that EA snapped up exclusive rights to the league late last year.

That got me to thinking...

Remember when almost every game company had their own football game? Just off the top of my head I can think of:

• Tecmo Bowl
• NFL Blitz
• High Impact Football
• NFL Football 94 Starring Joe Montana
• TV Sports Football
• Jerry Glanville's Pigskin FootBrawl
• NFL Gameday
• NFL Fever
• NFL Quarterback Club
• Mike Ditka Power Football

By the way, the first ever Madden Football game was designed for the Apple II.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Mazel Tov!

To the latest occupant of the Popemobile, Benedict XVI.

While Churn has no great experience with the politics of the Vatican, it appears that the tradition of conservatism started in the waning years of Pope John Paul's tenure.

In the wake of recent scandals involving US priests, it will be interesting to see if the new Pope will try to revisit the issue. Note that Bernard Law, former Boston archbishop, was promoted to Cardinal, and even presided over one of the Pope's funeral masses.

And we haven't even gotten to topics like homosexuality, reproductive issues, and the role of women in the Church.

Finally, on a wildly different track, I'd like to give a Churn shout-out to the fine folks at Purdue. Actually, that one person who surfed around a few days ago. Go Boilermakers!

Your pal,

Mike G.

Hidden Meanings...

since we're dealing with inappropriate songs, I was wondering, is the Four Seasons' song December 1963 (Oh What A Night) actually sort of seedy when you think about it?

Honestly, it sounds like some kid's first time in a cathouse.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Worm Cont...

So through a series of events I won't get into here, Richard has become acquaintances with the aforementioned Dennis Rodman, and booked him for a stint of radio appearances.

Last night, Richard and Dennis hosted a party at what I understand to be one of Dallas's finest 'clothing optional' clubs. There in the midst of the smoke and lights, I decided to come up with a list[I heard somewhere that everybody loves lists].

Inappropriate Strip Club Songs:

• Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin: a sad tale of childhood lost by a father too caught up in other things.
• One Tin Soldier by Coven: a 1971 song also known as the Legend of Billy Jack; a song so treacly it may give you cavities.
• The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot: a song based on the real-life story of an ore freighter lost in one of the worst recorded storms in history. It sank in 1975 on Lake Superior. All hands were lost.
• Hurt by Johnny Cash: a cover of a Nine Inch Nails song, made especially poignant by the video, in which a younger, defiant Cash from old footage and pictures is overshadowed by the Cash of today. He died roughly a year after this song's album was released.
• Anything by Red Sovine: One of the masters of the 'trucker song' genre, his songs run the gamut from crippled boys, blinded truckers, dead wives, and kids hit by trains.
• American Pie by Don McLean: there are some questions about the true meaning of this song, but most feel it to be atribute to the Buddy Holly and the change to rock and roll as a result.

There are a whole lot more bad songs out there; I'm just way too tired to think of any.

I've got some other thoughts about the party, and I'll tell you about them later.

Mike G.

The Worm Turned Up...

Hey Gang.

I feel and smell like an ashtray, and not the fancy and futuristic Ronco kind either.

My voice is shot, my eyes burn, and I'm fairly certain that by tonight, I'll be struck by some sort of illness.

I'll tell you the details later, but suffice it to say this all happened thanks to/no thanks to Dennis Rodman.

See you soon,

Mike G.

Check the Union Label...

Hey folks...

I've spoken a bit about video games in the past, but I found out something today that made me think about the state of gaming.

Quick disclaimer: the last system I owned was the legendary Sega Genesis, but I try to keep current on the gaming scene.

Ever since technology allowed actual voices and video to be used in a game, there's been a boatload of celebrities lending their image and voice. Remember Dana Plato in Night Trap? Other games feature the actual star in the leading role, ala Jet Li in Rise to Honor and the Shaq Daddy himself in the forgettable Shaq Fu. We reached the logical conclusion to this concept recently when EA Games announced they would create a game based on the 1972 film The Godfather. The game will feature likenesses of the actors, with new dialogue from Robert Duvall and James Caan, as well as from the late Marlon Brando.

Which leads us to this: On Friday, an agreement between the Screen Actors Guild, AFTRA and a group of 70+ video game publishers expires. As Games are becoming as big or bigger than Movies or Tv, there's been a greater focus on dividing up the spoils. As alluded to in the article, the game companies aren't used to the idea of residuals.

Thanks to SAG Watchdog for the link to the story.

Mike G.

Reality Intrudes...

Well, I guess we can't ignore it anymore.

The rumors have been confirmed, and while Churn wishes nothing but good for Mrs. Federline, we can't help but mourn the death of a wonderful dream.

The dream where we never had to see her stunning decline into White-Trashdom. The dream where she wasn't marrying back-up dancers with kids.

Maybe she'll make a Hot Mom, but the Collective Lust of men will have long moved on to the next barely legal 'songstress'.

I guess we'll always have Baby One More Time.

Take Care,

Mike G.

A Bike Not seen on Discovery Channel...

Ladies and Gents...well, just Gents[let's not kid ourselves here]. Feast your eyes on Ghost Rider's Hell Cycle, set to hit the screen in 2006. Thanks to SuperHero Hype for the pic.

Even More Science...

Now, I'll discuss those who aren't famous. There's not as much difference in each level, but those distinctions are even more important. There's usually not much migration in this list, but it does happen.

• Spokesmodel/Booth Babe - She's the cute girl that hands out stuff at conventions. You'll see her at your local bar, representing a certain beer or liquor. Her job is to convince men that buying/drinking their product will make them irresistable to women like themselves. Sadly, it's pretty effective.
• Topless Dancer - This is dependent on a bundle of zoning regulations and the sale of alcohol. Strangely enough, she comes into very heated conflict with the
• Nude Dancer - Sometimes wonders why the other two are so uptight and repressed.

There's not much outright animosity in this group, but each does see the other as inferior in some way.

So there you have it. The socio-political layer cake that is the realm of the Hot Girl.

Mike G.

The Topless Scientific Method...

After the radio show Richard invites us out to a local Gentleman's Club. Not wanting to be impolite, I graciously accepted[Free admission].

So there I am, surrounded by spinning colored lights, and pounding bass from apparently 100 different speakers. Oh, there were also naked women there, but I digress.

I'm taking thimble-sized sips of my $5.00 soda, and watching the various Ambers, Cyndees, and Mercedes display their wares. Some hidden voice at random intervals is exhorting the audience to 'show their love' and that Chloe is due on the main stage.

In the time I've been involved with Richard's show, I've gotten the opportunity to speak with people from all walks of life. One of the more intriguing types is the 'Self-Employed Model'. This term covers a lot of ground, and can mean anything from the girl that stands next to the boat at the convention center, or a Playboy Playmate, or even an adult film actress. I noticed that there's a unique pecking order/hierarchy for these ladies, and it's mostly self-enforced. Of course, there's a great deal of societal pressure to maintain this order. Here goes...I'll start from the top of the 'food chain' so to speak...famous people. I'll do the non-famous list later.

• The Serious Actress/Model - refuses any sort of nudity. May even balk at lingerie or bikinis.
• Maxim/FHM/Stuff/GQ Girl - has no problem with any sort of skimpy clothing, but always with a strategically placed sheet, arm, or other prop.
• True To The Story - A quick flash of nudity, done in the spirit of 'Art'. This type keeps Mr. Skin in business.
• Playboy Celebrity - This is for the woman needing a popularity boost. Your former child star 'all grown up', pop singer, or daughter of a famous person. This is followed by...
• Nude Model - Late night cable and direct-to-video were her homes, but she's made it big online. Which leads us to...
• Porn Star - Usually have no pretensions about their work...becoming more and more mainstream...masters of marketing themselves.

For better or worse, a self-employed model can only go one way on this scale, and will be categorized as such. For instance, Jenna Jameson has been in plenty of magazines without being nude, and made many TV appearances while remaining fully clothed. But she's still a porn star. The Playboy Celebrity [Drew Barrymore] stands a better chance, but that usually means it's the third question asked, instead of the first.

If I'm completely off the mark, please comment below.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Free Advice...

Folks...

The next time everything seems to be falling apart, and nothing you do seems to make a difference, please remember this phrase, formatted for greater emphasis...

Boom Goes The Dynamite.


The beauty is, this phrase can work anywhere and in any situation. Parole board hearings, hostage negotiations, wedding vows, even on most standardized tests.

You'll thank me later.

Mike G.

WM Fallout...

So we had a great big ol' watching party at Casa Brother Mike for Wrestlemania.

A good time was had by nearly all [Sorry Mrs. Hunter] and the overall feeling was that the show went fairly well, with just a few slow spots.

For a more detailed review, please tune in tomorrow night to SportsRadio 1310 at 8:00. Our segment usually happens around 9:00, but the whole show is highly recommended.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Wrestlemania Preview...

May want to print this out to keep score...The RAW matches in red, Smackdown in Blue...

World Heavyweight Championship: Batista vs. Triple H

Batista is given the ball, let's hope he can run with it. This was likely Orton's slot as originally planned, but the fan's disinterest in him forced the WWE to bring Batista into the spotlight early. Whether Dave's popularity is due to himself, or simply that he's challenging HHH; I'm not sure, but we'll find out.


WWE Championship: John Cena vs. JBL

Cena's got a bad movie out...might as well give him the belt. JBL did manage, by sheer act of will, to turn me around on him. He became a classic heel, every time outwitting his opponents. Unfortunately, there's noone but Cena, whose 'thug' act has become more and more juvenile, to challenge him. Let's hope he doesn't pimp out the Title belt like he did the U.S. Title.


Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

Bit of a push...Give it to Shawn. I still hold that while this will be a great match and a possible show stealer, they're about 3-4 years too late. It's too easy to have high expectations for this match, so be forewarned.

Piper's Pit with Stone Cold Steve Austin

Someone will get a Stone Cold Stunner, and finally the 'WHAT?' chants will make some sense. They'll still be annoying though.


Money-In-The-Bank Ladder Match

Edge? no reward for bad behavior. Shelton? too green, but keep an eye out. Jericho? unfortunately seen as tainted goods. Christian? Please. Kane? Thrown into the mix because of the Hardy/Edge/Lita Triangle. My guess is Benoit takes the briefcase and either turns heel or starts the process. Another potentail show stealer.


Women's Championship: Christy vs. Trish

Hopefully the WWE has recovered from their delusion, and Trish beats the holy hell out of Christy. But since the WWE fired most of their female wrestlers and hired 'self-employed models' instead, I'd expect Christy to win. As unskilled as she's been on TV, Trish might have to pin herself. Also, look for a Lita heel turn.


Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

While I'm not much of a Taker fan, I'm sure not an Orton fan. While the WWE has been forcing him down our throats, I think they'll have him break Taker's streak in a last ditch effort. I'd rather see Taker's useless streak continue, but I'm not counting on it.


Sumo Match: Big Show vs. Akebono


Gah. That much flesh slapping against each other might cause a fire. Unless Show pulls out that long rumored moonsault, this is a good bathroom break.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Possible show stealer. Pity there's no real story behind it. They're still Tag Champs, so you can't even have a 'former champs turned enemies' angle. Eddie lies, cheats and steals to get the win, setting up more discord. Look for them to lose the titles soon.



Other Notes:

There will be a 30 man Battle Royal vith both brands. No word on if it will air on Heat or the PPV. There are conflicting reports that have Hogan doing something at Wrestlemania.

TITLES NOT APPEARING:

RAW

Intercontinental [Shelton in Ladder Match]

Tag Titles [Regal and Tajiri]

SMACKDOWN

Cruiserweight [Paul London]

Tag Titles [Eddie VS Rey in match]

US Championship [Orlando Jordan]




I hope you enjoyed that, but please remember that I'm not liable for any financial losses based on any bets made using this info.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Thowing a Bullet Vs. Shooting One...

It's the little differences that mean so much.

I pulled double duty on the P1WAC the other night. By that, I mean after the end of the show we recorded a few extra segments to play tonight, as Richard was hosting a party outside of the station.

I know I'm no great broadcaster. I don't have the voice, and I pepper my thoughts with a tom of pauses, 'ums' and 'uhs'.

But unlike the audience, I usually don't have to listen to myself.

Except for tonight.

So I guess I owe the listeners out there an apology.

My Bad.

I'll keep going on the show, I'll just have a bit more sympathy for those in Radio Land.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Let Your Nerd Anger Consume You...

Just another in a long line of indignities...

So it looks like Episode III might not suck.

That may be a shock, but what isn't a surprise is the marketing juggernaut closing in on us.

Target, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us are all joining in to offer exclusive items and some are even opening at midnight.

So, living in the vast metropolis known as Dallas, it would be a given that I'd be able to indulge my inner Geek, right?

Many Bothans died to bring us this infornmation...

Of course, I'll still hand over my cash to Lucas, because ultimately, I am Vader's bitch.

You can see a full list of all the merch plans here.

Take Care,

Mike G.

More See The Light...

Now there's another who has fallen under the spell of Sabine Ehrenfeld.

Junior Miller, of the Dunham and Miller radio show [1310AM The Ticket] has inducted her into the world famous "The Girl On TV Who's So Good Looking That We Have To Watch Out For Her Because She's So Good Looking". You can see official proof here.

Just glad to be spreading the word,

Mike G.

An Open Letter...

To the redhead who sat next to me on the flight to Dallas...

You didn't notice, but I was constantly checking you out. Besides, why wear a thong if you don't want someone to see it?

Sadly,

Mike G.

Requiem for a Moustache...

Old Friend, We must now part. Rest assured, like the Phoenix of legend, you will arise greater than ever before. 

We're #1!!!!

The perfect story to read before going to bed.

I wouldn't be surprised if I got mugged right as I'm blogging something. Of course, I'd ask the hoodlum to wait till after I hit the 'publish' button first.

Cheers,

Mike G.

Rethinking?

Thanks to the fine folks at OnHD.TV, they've given you some reasonsto maybe hold off on that big purchase of an HDTV.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Enjoy....

After much searching, I've found the full version of that insane Burger King commercial. Churn is not liable for any brain damage suffered while viewing.

Hootie found work!

Also, while I don't see her acheiving Sabine Ehrenfeld-like levels of fame, I'm becoming a fan of the young roller-skating lady in the diet Coke commercial. Thankfully, Coca-Cola has seen fit to post the video here.

Enjoy the veal,

Mike G.

Free, Free, Free!

Courtesy of the fine folks at cheap Stingy B@stard...

You can see live streaming NCAA Tournament video for free here. The games you can see are dependent on location and blackout issues, but it's still neat.

Enjoy,

Mike G.

Quick Update: Looks like that was some sort of trial offer. Sorry.

Endorsements?

[In sultry French accent] "Hello, I'm Michelle Theuriau. When I'm not reading the news for millions of lonely Frenchmen, I'm reading the genius that is Churn. Mike G. brings a fresh irreverence to the blog world that makes me tingly all over."

I figure if I'm not getting the acclaim that I rightly deserve, I might as well make it up.

Just be glad I don't know how to use Photoshop.

Your pal,

Mike G

As usual...

In keeping with the way these things usually work out, one of the sites I mentioned in my last post has gone the way of pets.com and online grocery delivery.

Of course, I'm still welcoming anyone to join the other sites if you've got some free time to spare.

Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.

Much.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Pandering....

Greetings to all those visiting Churn via the magic of TrafficSwarm. Of course, it would be really neat if after getting your click credit, you'd stick around a while, but I know how the game is played.

Secondly, I'm sure most of you have been harassed by your friends and family to sign up for various stuff-for-free sites. While I would like that as well, I'll just give you some help if you're interested.

When you do sign up for one of these sites, you're given a list of anywhere from 10-15 seperate offers. This site lists a majority of them and rates them with user comments.

You can also join a Conga Line, like the ones shown here.

Finally, because I can't stop whoring myself out....


Free Ipod Shuffle

Or...

Free 20GB Ipod

Or...

Free 20GB Iriver H320

Take Care,

Mike G.

Updates...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Google, and Ye Shall Receive...

This is for the Google Searcher who was looking for an actual churn a few days ago. I doubt they'll come back, but just in case... Also, I'll be updating Churn Nation on another of our favorites soon.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Sweet Memories....

And now, a post guaranteed to make sense to only a fraction of my audience...


I wonder whatever happened to the DX band. I mean, after they played Wrestlemania 14, where does a wrestling faction's official musical accompaniment go? I mean, when your biggest hit is a thirty second entrance theme, I'm not sure where else you can be appreciated. Sure, you can play the ocasional sports bar, but if HHH and Road Dogg aren't right behind, you're stuck with some angry fans.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Game Over...

I have the physical endurance of a wet tissue.

In order to maintain my Geek Cred, I try and stay current on the video gaming scene. This is slightly odd, since the last game system I owned was the Sega Genesis.

But when I go to the movies or to an 'all-in-one' centers like Dave and Busters or Gameworks, I'll drop a few bucks in the arcade.

Some of my favorites are the light gun games, such as Virtua Cop, Time Crisis, or House of the Dead. I'm no expert, but I can ususally hold my own.

Enter Police 24/7.

It's your standard one-cop-versus-the-criminal-underworld game, but with a twist. Sensors along the top and sides of the machine track your position, which translate your movements onscreen. You can shoot from behind cover and duck incoming fire.

The other day, I played this game for less than three minutes.

My legs are still sore.

Now I have no illusions about my physical prowess, but I would have never imagined that an arcade game would kick my ass.

Oh, the humanity.

Mike G.

Helpful Hint...

Hi there.

Let me apologize once again to all thse who wind their way here hoping to find some nudity. I can make this assumption based on the number of visits this site gets that last less than 30 seconds. I suppose when you're looking for naked pics of Candice Michelle, you don't have time for anything else.

But I'm not bothered. In fact, I'm offering what might be a solution. With the advent of RSS and other methods of distribution, we're getting closer to the unfufilled promise of 'push' where information relevant to you would get pushed to your desktop.

I'm using a piece of software called Pluck. You can either use it as a standalone program, or integrate it with your browser. Basically, it tracks just about any site with an RSS feed and lets you know when they're updated. It can also keep track of your own personal searches. I'm finding it very useful, and hopefully some of you might too.

Finally on a completely unrelated note, we here at Churn Central are celebrating what will likely be our best showing in WWE Fantasy. Thanks to Orlando Jordan's surprising victory over John Cena, Team Churn was launched into 251st place.

Hoping that Martha Stewart hasn't become institutionalized[like Brooks in Shawshank],

Mike G.

Wha-Huh?

Some random thoughts for you and yours...

Who decided that getting Darius Rucker, Brooke Burke, Vida Guerra, and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders together in a psychadelic western themed wonderland would be the perfect way to get people to eat chicken sandwiches?

Secondly, I've gotten along just fine so far without having to even think about something called "The O.C. "

But, thanks to certified nutbag George Lucas,
I have to devote precious space just so I can be depressed about how bad the movie's going to be.

The tragic life of the nerd.

Take Care Folks,

Mike G.

Hey Mike?

Yes?

Do you have any sort of harebrained schemes in the works?

Maybe.

My good friend Devin has either been touched by insanity or genius.

And, since I'm so fascinated by train wrecks, I might just jump in as well.

Of course, right now we're just at what Imagineers call the 'blue-sky' phase. Until someone actually wants money, all bets are off. It sort of reminds me when we were kids, and planned 'the coolest fort EVER'. It would have turrets, an emergency slide and even an underground entrance. In the end, we glossed over the fact that none of us could actually build anything.

Of course, if anyone out there is interested, please drop a comment. Like i said before, this is in the very earliest planning stages, and we need all the help we can get.

Take Care,

Mike G.

IToast.

Good Morning.

I suppose you'd like some breakfast.

But not just any breakfast.

Breakfast. Of. The.

Future!

Take Care,

Mike G.

Hey Kids...

Love Comics?

Love horror flicks of the 80's and 90's?

Well, Avatar has made all of your wildest dreams come true, with comic versions of some of the foremost names in cinema horror. Rich Johnston's got all the gory details here. [you'll have to scroll down a tad to get to the good stuff]

Also, if you've ever wondered whether your cell phone would beat someone else's cell phone in a race, Wonder no more.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Hi there.

For those times when I have photos that don't necessarily relate to whatever I'm writing about, you can check them out on my new Flickr page.

Enjoy,

Mike G.

V.D.

Setting aside that uncomfortable acronym, and the fact it's now the day after, I wanted to jot down a few words on...

LUUUV

Currently, I'm content/resigned to being single, but as I look back, I'm seeing things in a new light.

I've fallen in love approximately 5 times. Scratch that. I've fallen about 5 times. To be perfectly honest, I'm not exactly sure you could call it love, but I know it was more than a crush.

On the top of that list? A young lady I've known since 7th grade. We'll call her Terra, since that's her name. It would come and go, but she always had a special place in my heart from that first day of school until graduation. I told her how I felt on multiple occasions, but she employed the brilliant strategy of appearing not to have heard me. As naive as I was/am, I took that as Not A Rejection, which was good enough at the time.

After graduating, we went our separate ways. I tried to stay in touch, but that fizzled out after a few months.

I'm fairly sure she's married now, and I do hope she's happy.

Well, there's a slight peek into the world of Mike. And you wonder why I usually stick to pop culture and funny pictures on the web.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Good Thoughts...

Hey.

If you can spare some positive thoughts, send some over to my friend Devin of
The Swamplog.

I've mentioned him before, and besides the fact that he thinks I'm actually funny, he's a good friend.

Get some rest sir, and to everyone else,

Take Care.

Mike G.

This Man WILL Kick Your Ass.

As somewhat of a movie buff, I feel the need to tell Churn Nation about a film that is hitting these shores on Friday. It's called Ong Bak, and it features a young man named Tony Jaa. As near as I can figure out, Mr. Jaa is either a robot, or a warlock, because he is clearly not human. The movie site has some clips of Mr Jaa, and in my opinion, need to be seen to be believed. While I would never consider myself an expert, I am a big fan of the martial arts movie. I like the deep introspection of a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the balls-out frenetic pace of an Iron Monkey, and even the insanity of a Shaolin Soccer. Well, to summarize, Ong Bak looks to be awesome, and yes, that is a picture of a man jumping through a roll of barbed wire.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Does This Make You Want More Domain Names?

For those who want to see more of the Godaddy.com girl. Coincidentally enough, the young lady also known as Candice Michelle, currently displays her wares [not all of them though] on WWE Raw as their new 'makeup artist'. 

Public Service...

Hey Folks,

For those of you who weren't all that interested in the actual Big Game, IFilm has all the ads in one spot, along with the spots from previous years.

Even though this year's game was supposed to be 'family-friendly', from the halftime show to the commercials, someone still found something to be offended about.

godaddy.com, a domain registrar, decided to buy two spots and poke fun at the 'wardrobe malfunction' of last year. The ad only aired once. According to godaddy.com's President, the NFL told FOX to pull the spot. You can read his blog here.

If you'd like to see the different versions of the ad [broadcast and web-only] click here.

Whether or not the ad is funny, or makes you want to use them for your domain isn't the point. They already approved the ad and then aired it! Did they think the company was just going to ignore the fact that the ad they paid for wan't shown? Yes, there is an attractive lady in a tank top, but didn't the broadcast feature both teams' cheerleaders in and out of the commercials?

Gah.

I'm sure we'll hear more about this in the coming days.

Take care,

Mike G.

Radio is Fun...

Say Hello to Miss Jesse Jane. Believe it or not, I'll have the opportunity to speak with her tonight on the P1WAC. Also, Brother Mike and I will discuss the Royal Rumble, and the Road to Wrestlemania. It's like Christmas and my birthday all at once.

An Offer You Might Not Want To Refuse...

One of the fundamental truths you lean early on in your life as a nerd is this...

Video Games based on Movies will usually suck.

The Reason? Basically, the people responsible for the movie are hardly ever the ones responsible for the game, or the game has little or nothing to do with the movie it's based on.

But EA, the folks behind almost every good game you've played, are taking serious steps to discredit this maxim.

Hop on over to Gamespot, and marvel at the news.

Now the game itself may still suck, but at least it will look good.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Victory!

Well, victory for someone. I'm not sure exactly who.

It looks like the readership of this humble blog has elected a new object of affection. Melissa Theuriau has enchanted members of Churn Nation from [as far as I can deduce from their domains] Cyprus, Sweden, France, Spain, Poland, and Canada.

I'm sure that impressed her to the point where she has to find me and declare her love for me.

In other news, I'd like to recommend a fun little Internet show run by some friends of mine.

It's called Miscommunication, and the best way for me to describe it would be this. Imagine if Richie Rich, Archie Bunker, and C-3PO discussed the matters of the day.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Good News/Bad News...

First Johnny Carson, now this...

Like most other people, I have a birthday and celebrate it just about every year around this time.

For those of you who care, it's this Tuesday. I really wasn't planning to do anything special, but that was before I read this article.

Now I'm not sure if I dodged a bullet or that the day I was born is merely the second most depressing day of the year.

Oh well.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Mr. Mike Theuriau....?

Because I know my audience, here's more pictures and some video of our favorite foreign news mistress...

Hundreds of pictures and some video files.


More screengrabs, and a couple of desktop images.


Enjoy.

Mike G.

Combined Coolness...

This is a statue of Mickey Mouse designed by Syd Mead, who was responsible for much of the design in TRON, and TRON 2.0. No real reason why i'm sharing this. Just thought it was cool. Mike G.  

Let's Get Ready To...

Make plans for the Royal Rumble!

It's been a while since I've gone over my WWE Fantasy picks. And since nothing particularly exciting has happened recently, I thought it would be a good time to do so.

Season two has been going on for about 8 weeks or so, and since then, I've amassed a whopping 1075 points.

That may sound pretty good, until you find out that the team in first place has 1437. That means I am currently in 914th place. I did make a pretty severe tactical error about a week ago, by not choosing an all RAW roster the week of New Year's Revolution. I'll need to remember to alter my picks for next week, with the Royal Rumble on Jan. 30th.

So without further ado, my picks for this week, Smackdown first and RAW second.

Doug Basham $2,000,000
Torrie Wilson $1,000,000
Funaki $1,000,000
Luther Reigns $3,000,000

With their Tag Team title win, I figured it made sense to have one of the Bashams on my roster. The fact that he's only 2 mil was another factor in his favor. Funaki has been an incredible investment since winning the Cruiserweight belt at Armageddon. Luther Reigns, as a member of Kurt Angle's group/gang, earns lots of points without risking too much money. Torrie? I just threw her in because there's a better than zero chance that Torrie will come out in a bikini.

Batista $4,000,000
Shelton Benjamin $3,500,000
Trish Stratus $2,500,000
Christy $1,000,000
Muhammad Hassan $2,000,000

I often criticize the WWE's writers, but I've been amazed at the character development they've bestowed on Batista. Simply, they've allowed him to have some common sense. He's realizing that he doesn't have to be HHH's second banana, but he hasn't turned on him just yet. I believe Shelton is a future superstar, but unfortunately, he came along too soon. Trish makes any list of mine, but she's on this one because with her win at NYR and Lita's injury, she'll have to be very visible, even if she doesn't compete. Muhammad Hassan is being pushed to the moon until the WWE finds someone suitable [Sgt. Slaughter?] to 'shut him up'. The ironic thing is that he actually makes some sensible points. Contrast that with the fact that he draws instant boos as soon as he walks into the ring, and it's almost like the WWE's taking a subtle jab at their own audience. Christy? See my entry for Torrie above.

Finally, while I'm not getting any sort of kickback from WWE, please sign up for their new season that starts in a few weeks. If you join up before FEB 14, it'll only cost you 4.95. If anyone from Churn Nation signs up, drop me a line in the comments form, so we can get a league started.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Cupid Strikes Again.....

This comes to Churn courtesy of two different sources...

1. The Dunham and Miller show from The Ticket.

2. TeamGSB


It takes a special someone to knock Ms. Overstock off of her lofty perch. In fact, we had to look across the globe to France to find a suitable challenger.

Her name is Melissa Theuriau, and she hosts what I believe is a travel show on the French network LCI. The show site is here and is probably very informative. If I knew any French.

Voyages.

Team Gsb has done all of us a great service by collecting a variety of pics of Ms. Theuriau, and they can be seen here.

Now, I may be under some sort of bewitchment, so I open this up to Churn Nation. Am I crazy for wanting to call FTD and check on transcontinental shipping rates?

Take Care,

Mike G.

The lady in question... 

Let's Hear From You, America!

Tomorrow night, I'll be on the air reviewing the latest effort from WWE, New Year's Revolution.

Here's a sneak peek at my thoughts.

This PPV was jinxed from the start, with two legitimate injuries in the first two matches. Then, there was another match that featured a total 'wrestling' time of about twenty seconds.

This PPV was designed to succeed or fail on the strength of the Elimination Chamber match. This was full of intriguing possibilities ranging from the sublime [Benoit retakes the title] to the ridiculous [Edge violates all laws of time and space by actually winning]

Instead the WWE plays it safe by putting the belt around HHH's waist. My more optimistic friend, Brother Mike, assures me that his win sets the stage for him to lose at Wrestlemania.

Please tune in tomorrow at 8:00 CST and listen online if you're outside the Dallas area for more Hot Sports Entertainment Opinions.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Gmail, anyone?

So, you're still looking for one of those Gmail invites?

Well, I've got some. The catch?

Click here. Sign up and wait for an email from me. Then finish one of the offers and I'll send you the invite.

Quick and simple.

Thanks for your time.

Mike G.

Trite Musings...

No witty comments today...

According to the latest news, the death count from Asia is looking to top around 76,000. Unfortunately, that total will most likely increase, given the lack of proper facilities and the huge number of fatalities.

The International Red Cross has information on it's home page for those interested.

The more I read about this disaster, the less I can actually wrap my head around it. It's almost as if my entire hometown was simply wiped off the map.

I'll get back to my ususal form soon.

Take care,

Mike G.

Mike G.'s Xmas Address...

Decking the Halls

Reporting live from the town of my birth...

A big Seasonal Hello to all of Churn Nation. I'll be experiencing the most powerful example of good news/bad news ever[Good news-holidays w/family, Bad news-only have dial-up connection].

Just to prove that I am back home, I witnessed something that mine eyes had never seen before.

I've seen different vatiations of the limosine. Stretch, super stretch, Hummer and Escalade versions. But until today, I never even considered that someone would want, much less build a Stretch limosine pickup, complete with bed and tailgate.

Take Care Folks,

Mike G.

On to the Ranch...

This should be the final installment of My Vegas Trip Story. I'm fully aware the only way it can end satisfactorily is with me winnning 90 million dollars on a single hand of blackjack and running off with a truckload of showgirls. Let the disappointment begin now.

Before the long trip to Carson City, Nevada we had dinner with Zamora, an old friend of the P1WAC. If you're unfamiliar with his work, click here for a taste. Zamora plies his trade in a Vegas show, and also gives tours of the Strip, highlighting the unusual and unexplained. Over dinner, he told us of suicides, murders and possible hauntings in and around famous hotels and casinos.

Friday Night, the show is done, and we all pile into the RV for the trip to The Bunny Ranch. First, we have to get the marriage license. Oddly enough, the office responsible is open all weekend long. As we wait for Richard and his intended to get the forms processed, we see that outside of the office are a few guys just standing around. It becomes evident that their job is to get couples with their new licenses to a certain chapel. One of my favorite moments of the trip was making one of those guys speechless by telling him, "Yes, we have a place for the wedding. It's the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. Oh, we also got Dan Haggerty to perform the ceremony."

And so we set off. Quick Note: the trip to Carson City from Vegas is one of the longest, most boring trips in the history of ever.

But we did get there, and for those who have never been, you're immediately greeted by tension. A daycare center sits at the beginning of the road to the Ranch. One wonders if it's services are for the clients or the workers.

The Ranch is at the end of a long road in an industrial park. There's very little on the outside to indicate what goes on inside. I suppose the best way to describe it is that it reminds one of some sort of bunker. Very nondescript, with a parking lot outside and a gate with a very impotant doorbell.

We were running a bit late, which apparently worried Mr. Dennis Hof, who invited us in for some coffee .

Dennis Hof is what I would describe as the ultimate salesman. He's always either planning, making or closing a deal, and telling stories about his celebrity friends and adventures. Now, coming from anyone else, it would sound self-serving, but he comes off as affable.

The main lobby of the ranch is about the size of a living room, with an adjacent bar. The room is completely in red, with small red velvet couches and chairs lining the mirrored walls. Neon lights cricle the room, and framed articles about the Ranch are everywhere. Next to the bar is a glass case with what I would call 'adult accessories' for sale.

Sorry, but I have to cut this installment short. Soon- HBO, an Indecent Proposal, and a Wedding.

Mike G.

I Guess It Is All About The O...

Folks,

I suppose these links are way overdue, but since people are still coming here via a search of Ms. Sabine Ehrenfeld, I have an oligation, nay, a duty to give them what they want.

Her recent commercials can be found here, and here. Enjoy.


Take Care,

Mike G.

More Trip News

When we left off, our motley crew had just arrived in time to start the show. While we did just complete 24 straight hours of travel, we fought through all that and became Real Live Broadcasters.

I wanted to take a moment and say thanks to the HBO representative who helped us get guests and made sure we had what we needed. She was extremely kind and treated us just like we were any other station. She was a bit confused when we told her that most of us weren't really part of the media, and we would see confused look several times over the next two days.

I'm just going to list the people we spoke to. For the most part, they were very gracious, and for our part, we did our best tonot embarrass ourselves or the station.

• Bert Sugar: One of boxing's true characters, Bert is hard to describe. He seems to know a little bit about everything, and always has a one-liner at the ready. For the life of me, I do not understand why no one has put him in his own sitcom.
• Danny Gans: Apparently, this man has a very successful show in one of the casinos. He's some sort of impressionist who also sings. I can't speak to the quality of the show, but during our interview he used the bands Creed and Train to show his relevance to the younger audience. He also put down Macy Gray twice for not being able to sell out a recent tour stop. We're still not sure why.
• Jin Mosley: Sugar Shane Mosley's wife and apparent 'power behind the throne'. A very attractive young lady who was sporting a diamond ring that was reminiscent of a Kobe Bryant apology.
• Harold Lederman: HBO Boxing Commentator and Unofficial Ringside Judge. A very animated man for his age, but his habit of slumping in his chair concerned us. while an on-air death would be dramatic radio, it probably would have closed the door on future trips.
• Winky Wright: While we did not interview Mosley's challenger, our producer Mike Turley slipped into his alter-ego Big T to have some words with him. Big T is a white guy trying way to hard to be black, and isn't too current with the lingo. So it's not that much of a stretch for him. The highlight if the interview was Winky correcting Big T on the appropriate ways of using the word 'boy' in reference to the African-American.
• Jim Lampley: HBO's main commentator. Jim put forward the idea during our talk that even as the sports media has expanded, the sports covered by that media is becoming more limited to the 'major' ones.
• Joe Goosen: Sugar Shane's trainer: Known for his habit of choosing his own outfit instead of matching his fighter's entourage, we gave him a P1WAC shirt, on the off chance he wear it to the ring.
• Larry Merchant: HBO Special analyst. While his interview was nothing special, I'm fairly certain he was wearing a Members Only jacket. When I was younger I was convinced that one had to be in some secret society to either purchase or wear one of those jackets.
• Emanuel Steward: The third member of HBO's broadcast team and a famous trainer. Emanuel gave some great boxing history, but it was his tendency to grab the microphone and keep it that was memorable. While noone wanted to simply yank the mic away from him, it took a bit of doing to make him let go.

So that was our Thursday and Friday night recap. I'd like to tell you that we spent our time after we went off the air in the throes of Las Vegas decadence, but I can't. After the 24 hour road trip, and three hours of the show, we just couldn't go on. There was a plan that involved an old friend...

But you'll have to come back to find out what. Don't worry, I'll get to the part about the brothel soon enough.

Take Care,

Mike G.

A Cautionary Tale...

Actually, it's not really a cautionary tale, I just couldn't think of a title I liked. Sue me.

I figure it's way beyond time that I tell of my great excursion to Las Vegas and beyond. While I don't want to bore you with all the details[actually, I'm just too lazy to type them] I do want to give some highlights.

I may have said this before, but this was actually my very first bonafide road trip. So of course I wanted to experience every detail.

I slept.

I staked out my corner of the RV and basically fell into a coma about an hour or so after we took off from the station. I woke up when we stopped to refuel at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, at an hour when the only people awake are murderers and their victims. There was a mist/fog that was perfect for either a zombie invasion or a villager uprising. I bought an ice cream bar from a young man with homemade knuckle tattoos and that kept me awake for a few hours or so.

I decided to contribute to our survival by taking the passenger seat for a while and insuring that Greg, our driver, did not fall asleep at the wheel and kill all of us. Looking back, I probably shouldn't have worried since Greg would end up relying on very loud and very bad rock music to keep him awake.

I suppose it was a good thing that the drive wasn't that memorable. The most excitement we experienced was maneuvering a 45-foot RV across Hoover Dam. There was a cash offer on the table to take a leak off of the dam, but noone accepted.

We officially arrived in Vegas around 6:30 or so Dallas time. That was a matter of some concern, as we were due to begin broadcasting at 8:00 sharp.

Before I continue, let me run down the cast of characters:

1. Big Dick Hunter: Host of the P1WAC and mastermind of the whole trip. Known for his willingness to involve the listener in all aspects of his life.
2. Big Dick Hunter's Fiancee': Her beauty is matched only by her kindness and understanding. [Personal note: such a sweetheart]
3. Zach the Pothead: One of the listeners [P1s] chosen to go on the trip. An enthusiast of "herbal entertainment", but also a very well read boxing fan. His knowledge [of boxing] would prove valuable.
4. Big Greg: Our main driver, Greg amazed us all with his automotive prowess. His almost completely spherical shape was also impressive.
5. Mardi Gras Paul: A Road Trip P1 veteran, Paul was the voice of experience and a constant source of wit.
6. Me: The hero of this story.

There were also two other guys on the trip, but to save time, I'll sum up their role:

They drank. A lot. Then one or the other would yell something he thought was extremely clever. That may sound bitter, and I understand. Since I don't drink myself, I might not catch the subtle humor that is inherent in slurred comments and staggering.

Back to the trip.

We arrived at the Mandalay Bay hotel about 7:00. The sight of our RV pulling up to the front door is one I'll remember for a while. We checked in and dropped off our luggage in Richard's room[I'll get into our accomadations later]. With about ten minutes left before the show, Richard, Paul, Zach and myself made a dash to the Mandalay Bay broadcast center. We made it with about three minutes left to spare, much to the relief of Turley.

Turley, or Big T as we later knew him, is the producer of the P1WAC and is best known for his tenacity in wrangling guests for the show.

The broadcast center looks much like any convention space. Tables with banners indicating their station are scattered about with the occasional soft drink area. Stations from all over were broadcasting, and it hit me.

Here are actual professional radio people plying their craft, and right across from them are three guys that have frankly, no real right to be there.

The parade of guests started almost immediately, but you'll have to tune in later to find out.

Your Pal,

Mike G.

Sadly, Mothra Still Goes Unrecognized....

Every now and then, I see a story that just fills me with joy. With so much in the world that divides us, it's good to see some news that everyone can agree on.

One word:

Godzilla.

Four more words:

Star.

Hollywood.

Walk.

Fame.

Click here for all the details.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Home Again...Sort of.

Viva....

Current Location: The Media Center of the Mandalay Bay Casino.

Situation: Conducting interview for the Wright Vs. Mosely fight tomorrow night.

Translation: I and two other listeners of the Ticket are sharing space with actual media people. My credentials are that I spent 17 hours on an RV.

Last night we spoke to Moseley's wife and fight legend Bert Sugar among others.

I also lost 5 dollars on a slot machine.

More info later.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Road Trip!

Well, even though it's a few years too late, I will make my first ever honest-to-goodness road trip tomorrow.

This is all courtesy of Richard "Big Dick" Hunter. We will depart in a 40-foot RV Wednesday night to the home of CSI: Original Flavor, Las Vegas.

We'll be doing some interviews for the upcoming Winky Wright vs. Shane Mosley rematch this Saturday, but more importanly, Mr. Hunter will wed his long time girlfriend. While I do suspect the location of the nuptials, I'll leave that for a future post.

I will try to blog from the road, and I will be taking pictures. We will be meeting up with other friends fo the station, and perhaps a B or C-level celebrity.

Wish me luck,

Mike G.

Hmm...

You know how sometimes you think you know a certain fact, but never actually witness or experience it?

Well, I just confirmed the fact that direct light is to strippers as garlic is to vampires.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Take Care,

Mike G.

More Nerdvana...

So, anyone out there thinking I couldn't get nerdier?

I spent roughly 6 hours in a Best Buy parking lot for a video game.

As most of humanity knows, Halo 2 was unleashed around the world this morning at the stroke of midnight. Gamers from all over gave up precious Internet time to stand in line to be the first on their block to own the game.

I was there with the rest of the P1 Wild Ass Circus for a live broadcast. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware that we would be outside, and the midday weather was extremely pleasant. As the hours passed, I did the only thing a guy in shorts and a t-shirt could do.

Completely by chance, I had my flannel robe in my car. While it did keep me from freezing, it led people to beleive that I had rushed to the store as soon as I woke up. Why I have a flannel robe in my car is another story altogether.

There were a couple of bright spots; Papa John's sent some pizza, and the cutest newspaper reporter I've seen was there to ask questions of the crowd.

It was a good time, and please stay tuned for some entries that I thought I'd never ever make.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Nerdvana...

Whew.

Thankfully, I found a way to drag myself out of the funk I was in.

WizardWorld Dallas.

Three days of comics, games, collectibles, movies, and tv.

And more nerds than you can shake a lightsaber at.

A shout out to Tim from Keith's Comics for the tickets. Also, tune in Monday night to the P1WAC for some audio from the show.

Thanks to all the people that spoke with me, including the sword salesman, trading card gamer, and the generic comic fan.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Hunker Down...

Gah.

Well, it looks like we've got four more years of 'compassionate conservatism'.

And at least one or two new Supreme Court Justices.

Either way, this nation looks to be as divided as ever.

Any other candidate would realize that the lack of a true mandate calls for a great deal of bipartisanship. The thing is, we've been here before.

After the 2000 election, and even after 9/11, Bush had the opportunity to unite the nation. On both occasions, the Bush White House chose to further a right-wing agenda under an increasingly expanding shadow of secrecy. And now, without the fear of an election, Bush can pretty much do what he wants.

But if you're rich, white, rich or white, congrats. You guys really dodged a bullet there.

So what did we learn? Well, apparently the much hyped youth vote was just that. I can only assume that the call of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was stronger than the call to vote.

And while the writing may be on the wall, Kerry is holding off on conceding. I don't blame him, and given what happened in 2000, he doesn't have much of a choice. I think that he knows it's over, though.

What really bothers me is the fact that so many people who were fired up by this campaign will become so discouraged.

I don't know...If I could I'd take a four year nap. I'll try and keep a stiff upper lip, but for now I'm going back to bed.

Take Care,

Mike G.

The People Have Spoken...

Well, freedom is the right of all sentient beings...

I just hope that the simmering Dinobot Scandal doesn't ruin his mandate of "Energon For All".

Your pal,

Mike G.

A Friendly Reminder...

Please vote.

Whether you're voting for someone or against the other guy, whether it's to make something legal, or keep it from becoming law.

And after you vote, go to someone on the other side and shake their hand. Like it or not, we still have to live our lives regardless of who wins.

Here's hoping we actually find out who won,


Mike G.

Old School...

Proving the old theory that you never really leave high school behind, I just found out that my Odessa High School Broncos have defeated their perennial rivals, the Permian Panthers. In the past 40+ years this has only happened twice, the last time back in 1997.

That's right, the "Friday Night Lights" Permian Panthers. I was only in grade school when 'the book'[as it's commonly referred] came out, so I only have vague memories of the events. I can say the book served as a mirror, and showed some things that the town didn't like. A couple of losing seasons helped people gain some perspective, and while perfect social justice in West Texas is far off [as it is everywhere] every little bit helps.

Odessa is still a football town though, complete with its own 19,000 seat stadium in the middle of nowhere. I still check in on occasion to see how the Broncos are doing, and my folks still go to a couple of games a year.

Some More Citizens of the Churn Nation:

clu.edu:
As far as I can tell, this is a link to California Lutheran University. Go Kingsmen!

Lockheed Martin:
I'm slightly chilled that someone is slacking off from designing some new missile system to look for pictures of the overstock.com girl.

The University of Wisconsin System:
Wisconsinin...Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...Jeffrey Dahmer....

[this joke is way too inside. I'm sorry]

The Centers For Disease Control and Prevention:
They might not have any flu vaccine, but they do know my WWE Fantasy picks!

I'm just kidding of course. All members of Churn Nation are well-spoken, intelligent, desirable to the opposite sex, and have minty fresh breath. Recommend this site to others, that they may share in the joy of belonging to Churn Nation.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Churining Out The Love...

Courtesy of the folks at Sitemeter, here's a couple of shoutouts to the Great Churn Nation:

The University of Erfurt:Opened in 1932, this institution was Gernmany's third university.

The University of North Texas:
Home of the Fighting Mean Green, and Alma Mater of several of The Ticket's hosts.

Widener University:
Founded in 1821 and located in Chester, PA.

The Pennsylvania House Republican Caucus:
While Churn may respectfully disagree with Republicans on some issues, I hope we can remain civil and friendly, especially in this fractious political season.

Go Kerry!

Telecomitalia:
Since I don't speak Italian, I think they have something to do with phone services.

The U.S Patent and Trademark Office:
The place to go to once you've finally finished perfecting your combination floor wax/desset topping.

Salute!

Take Care,

Mike G.

One Nation, Under Schilling...

Congratulations to all of Red Sox Nation, as 86 years of frustration give way to the Undiscovered Country of World Series Triumph.

For fans of Schadenfreude, mark April 11th, 2005 on your calendars. That's the Red Sox's opening day, when they raise the World Series banner. Their opponent? The Yankees.

I can't take credit for this, but someone predicted that Boston's death rate would spike, as older fans finally let go.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Taboo Tuesday Totals

With The WWE's first 'interactive' PPV in the books, I had to guess not only what the WWE bookers would do, but also what the fans would decide.

Winners:

Gene Snitsky:
I can't explain it, but this guy has somehow become a major heel in the Raw roster. While I thought that his final stand would have been at Taboo Tuesday, he surprised me and I suspect a lot of the fans when he destroyed Kane in the 'Choose Your Weapon Match'. I did guess incorrectly at the choice of weapon [chain] but the WWE still used the steel chair at the match's conclusion. Until Kane puts him away for good, he's a permanent member of Team Churn. 61 points.

Eugene:
I admit, I wasn't a fan of this character at first, but the idea of a wrestling savant began to grow on me, and I enjoy his tributes to wrestlers of the past. While this will never happen, I wish that somehow, Eugene would get hit on the head during a match and become 'normal'. Unfortunately, he would forget how to wrestle. He would then have to choose which life to lead. The only question I had about his match with Bischoff was if the fans chose the shaved head or the dress [shaved head won]. 28 points.

Christy and Stacy Keibler:
Both of these Divas saw action at the PPV. Christy faced her nemisis Carmella, and Stacy was in a Diva Battle Royal. In the past, a woman in the WWE had few choices. either she was a manager, valet/girlfriend, or in the rare case, an actual wrestler. Now, the WWE expects every woman to fill all of those roles. For my part, I don't care if 80% of the women in the WWE never wrestle a match. Just come to the ring in something short/flimsy/transparent wave to the folks, and leave. Now, I wouldn't rule out the occasional pudding match. 23 points each.

Carlito Caribbean Cool and Mark Jindrak:
I didn't focus too much on Smackdown because of the RAW PPV, but these two did serve me well. At a million dollars each, both will be Team Churn members for a while. 18 points each.


Losers:

Billy Kidman, Luther Reigns, Tyson Tomko and Val Venis earned a grand total of 6 points. the less said the better.

Here's my roster for this week:


Billy Kidman $2,750,000
Carlito Caribbean Cool $1,000,000
Chris Benoit $5,500,000
Gene Snitsky $1,000,000
Kenzo Suzuki $2,500,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Mark Jindrak $1,000,000
Shelton Benjamin $2,750,000
Tyson Tomko $1,000,000

Take Care Folks,

Mike G.

Continued Begging....

Regular readers know that off and on I've been asking you to click on this link:

Click!

and try out one of the site's offers. In exchange for the goods and services provided for by those offers, cough mumble igetafreeIpod mumble cough.

But what if you're not interested in paying for any of these offers? Well, don't worry, because I've got that covered.

Just click on the link, and look for the Infone trial. Infone is a sort of souped up directory service that can also give you driving directions, movie times, and even make restaraunt reservations.

The best news? It's free to sign up, and they only charge you if you use the service. On top of that, they give you the first five calls free.

To recap:

1. Point your browser to This Site.
2. Look for the Infone Trial.
3. Click on it, and sign up.
4. If the Infone trial doesn't show up, try clicking the link in step 1 the next day.

And, if you still want a Gmail Invite, please leave acomment, along with your email address so I can get back to you.

Your pal,

Mike G.

Get Back to Studying!

A quick hello to the guys visiting from Northwestern, UConn, and Stanford domains. I say guys since all three users were looking for info on Sabine Ehrenfeld.

If you guys are students, I have to believe there's something better you can do with your time. Go challenge the cool frat to a series of wacky contests. Steal another school's mascot. By the way, did I forget to mention that %99 of all my knowledge comes from cable tv?

If those readers turn out to be teachers...way to earn that salary, I guess.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Destiny?

Wives and Girlfriends all across Boston are breathing a sigh of relief as the Red Sox made history by coming back after losing three straight games to the Yankees. Above, Gabe Kapler and Johnny Damon discuss matters while making an unintentional reference to the last Time the Sox won a World Series. Thanks to Boston.com for the pic.

In This Very Ring...

Here's my roster for this week's fantasy wrestling. Shield your eyes.

Billy Kidman $2,750,000
Carlito Caribbean Cool $1,000,000
Christy $1,000,000
Eugene $3,500,000
Gene Snitsky $1,000,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Mark Jindrak $1,000,000
Stacy Keibler $2,500,000
Sylvain Grenier $2,750,000
Tyson Tomko $1,000,000
Val Venis $1,000,000


On the Raw side, I've got 5 wrestlers that Will have a match at Taboo Tuesday, which means points regardless if they win or lose. Smackdown's a bit of a writeoff, but there's some point potential. As of right now, I'm either tied for or in 930th place, which isn't that bad.

Unless there's only 931 contestants

Take Care,

Mike G.

Fantastic?...Ehhh...

For better or worse[I'm still hedging my bets], here's the cast for the Fantastic Four movie. As much as I love Jessica Alba, I still can't see her as Sue Storm/Richards. Also, I would have preferred a more massive Thing, but that probably would have neccessitated more CGI. As far as Mr. Fantastic and Johnny Storm go, I don't have any real complaints. If what I've been hearing about Dr. Doom is true though...well, it won't be pretty. Credit to SuperHero Hype! for the pic.

What's Cooler Than Being Cool?

Well, judging from recent interactions, Everything that doesn't involve me.

As another week slowly passes us by, it's time for a Churn Exclusive: Fantasy Wrestling Analysis. Don't worry, it'll all be over soon.

Winners:

Carlito Caribbean Cool:
Once again, the WWE's monster push of Carlito proved to be very profitable as he successfully defended the US title against Rey Mysterio. Carlito's become one of my regular picks due to his bargain basement price. 34 points.

Billy Kidman: In the past few weeks, Kidman's persona has taken a darker and more entertaining turn since his in-ring incident where he injured Chavo Guerrero with his Shooting Star Press. 31 points.

Sylvain Grenier: It seems that the WWE is determined to keep the Tag Team Title Belts on La Resistance. Unfortunately I got on board a few weeks too early. 31 points.


Losers:

It's an all RAW edition of losers for this week. Christy, Shelton Benjamin, and Gene Snitsky amassed a grand total of 3 points. but considering that two of them have matches on Taboo Tuesday, I'll probably keep them on.

Take Care Folks,

Mike G.

Bye-Bye Bandwidth...

For those of you who don't visit the comments[and you should], another Churn reader has taken their love for Ms. Overstock and actually done something about it.

Her first two commercials are ready to view here. Many thanks to you, Mr. Anonymous.

Obligatory begging segment: You know, the sooner two or three people click here, the sooner I'll stop whining.

Enjoying the O,

Mike G.

Raising Objections...

I'd like to start today's post by saying thanks to all the new visitors to my humble blog. I know 95% of the queries involve Sabine Ehrenfeld, but I hope that even after the Net moves on to the next spokesmodel, you'll come back every now and again.

I'd like to give a hearty congratulations to Big Dick Hunter, who as of last night is engaged to be married. Everyone here at Churn wishes them only the best, and between you, me and well...The internet, his fiancee is smokin'. More news as updates keep coming in.

And finally, if you're looking to join a CD club, research your family history, buy some coffee, or subscribe to The New York Times, why not click here first? Not only will you get a good deal, you'll also help me get an Ipod.

Yeah, it's a bit crass, but if I get an Ipod, I can use it to drown out my conscience.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Talk To Me...

Yikes.

Just caught the latest Overstock commercial featuring search engine Princess Sabine Ehrenfeld.

She still looks mysteriously alluring, but this ad revealed another side to her. She's got some sort of European accent that increases her attractiveness about 8 or 9 times.

Sigh...

Mike G.

Blue Light Specials...

I wanted to give you guys my picks for this week...RAW just wrapped up [recording for later] so I don't know what happened yet:

Christian $3,500,000
Christy $1,000,000
Gene Snitsky $1,000,000
Shelton Benjamin $2,750,000
Sylvain Grenier $2,750,000
Tyson Tomko $1,000,000
Billy Kidman $2,750,000
Carlito Caribbean Cool $1,000,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Mark Jindrak $1,000,000

As you can see, I'm stretching my fantasy wrestling dollar. Next week, I'll do another quick winners and losers segment.

And speaking of being frugal, I've got a question. Thanks to the folks at
Cheap Stingy Bast@rd, I got a sweet[75% off!]deal on some dvds. Now, since an unwrapped DVD looks like any other DVD, I'm wondering if someone could 'return' it to one of the many retail establishments in their neck of the woods. My question is: could someone do this, and if they could, where would they stand the best chance of pulling this off? Of course, this is a completely hypothetical situation, as I would never even consider doing anything illegal or unethical. Please comment below with any responses.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Cool...

As promised, a breakdown of my fantasy wrestling performance. Look away if you're squeamish.

I'm just going to do a quick 'winners and losers' recap.

Winners:

Carlito Caribbean Cool:
This was just pure luck. I knew he would be debuting on Smackdown and possibly getting a win over a jobber, but I had no idea he would win the US Championship. For the insane roster price of 1,000,000, Carlito earned me 50 points.

Christian:
Even though he lost in his heavily hyped match with HBK, he still got in enough offense to rack up 14 points.

Mark Jindrak:
His recent alliance with Kurt Angle has increased Jindrak's visibility a hundredfold. Another million dollar price tag with a return of 11 points this week.

Losers:

Booker T:

My strategy regarding Booker had him retaking the US Title in a rematch this week, but instead he mildly threatens Orlando Jordan. Here's a quick math problem: if Booker T costs 4,500,000 and earns 3 points in a week, and Orlando Jordan costs 2,500,00 and earns 6 points in that same week, what's stopping me from jumping off of a water tower for being such a dork?

Sorry about that.

The WWE's making a tour of the UK next week, which might affect how I plan my roster. as always, you'll be the first to know.

Take Care,

Mike G.

The Churners Come Through!!!

First off, major Thank Yous go to Joseph of chongq. He wrote me about my post last week about Sabine Ehrenfeld, AKA the Overstock.com 'O' girl.

I posted that:

I am convinced that by this time next week, we'll know more about Miss Ehrenfeld than we would ever care to.

As near as I can tell, Miss O is still fairly anonymous, but Joseph did send me a new link that I have yet to see, and because I blog for the fans, and not the fame and glory, here it is:

Her talents include Basic Tactical Pistol and Private Pilot License!

tomorrow, I'll write about my triumphant comeback in the world of fantasy wrestling. NOTE: the Nerd Terror Alert Warning will be at ORANGE!.

Take Care,
Mike G.

Dirrty Fish...

Ok, I saw Shark Tale earlier today, and while I think that Dreamworks can't hold a candle to the films that come out of Pixar, it had a few funny scenes. Getting Martin Scorcese and Robert De Niro to play fish was a bit of genius.

What troubled me was the director's idea to integrate the soundtrack artists into the film.

The soundtrack's website features the different artists as sea life i.e fish, seahorses and such.

And now, the joke I've spent this entire post setting up...

Isn't it odd that even as an animated jellyfish, Christina Aguilera still looks like a skank?

Tip your waitstaff,

Mike G.

Keep Orko Out, No Matter What...

From Toonzone, linked from Dark Horizons, and apparently first found in Variety...

John Woo is set to direct a live-action version of He-Man.

Yup. He-Man.

I'm too tired to even comment ironically on this story. Before the cameras roll however, Woo will have to finish directing The Rock in Spy Hunter, based on the video game. A game that had no characters, human or otherwise.

Yup.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Stupid Paul London...

Because noone demanded it, more fantasy wrestling...

With No Mercy this Sunday, I had hoped to make up some ground on Bro. Mike, and if it wasn't for the aforementioned Mr. London, I would have. As it stands right now, I'm currently in 2004th place with 216 points. This week, I'm going back to a more balanced roster; RAW stars in red, Smackdown in blue.

Billy Kidman $2,750,000
Booker T $4,500,000
Carlito Caribbean Cool $1,000,000
Christian $3,500,000
Christy $1,000,000
Luther Reigns $2,500,000
Mark Jindrak $1,000,000
Shelton Benjamin $2,750,000
Tyson Tomko $1,000,000

As you can see, I really raided the bargain basement this time around. My biggest gambles are Christy and Carlito Cool, since Christy's only been on tv for a week now, and hasn't technically been in a match, and Carlito's only been in vignettes, which I believe don't count towards points. AS Churn goes to press, these picks should stay the same, but I can make changes till 8pm.

Also, in a change from the usual schedule, I'll be on the P1WAC tonight discussing No Mercy, and perhaps some Fantasy wrestling talk. Please tune in to 1310AM or go to The Ticket's website to listen online.

Take Care,

Mike G.

CatFight!!!

This is unexpected.

It seems like someone's mounted a challenge to Erica Durance's supremacy in supplying links to this site.

Ms. Overstock, Sabine Ehrenfeld has been raking in the referrals recently. While I doubt the new campaign will do much for cheap books and DVDs, I am convinced that by this time next week, we'll know more about Miss Ehrenfeld than we would ever care to.

But all bets are off if Erica Durance shows up in any 'unfortunate' home videos.

Take Care,

Mike G.

Neutral Corners...

I want to make this clear.

I did not watch the debate last night.

Therefore, I am eminently qualified to comment on it.

First off, I thought that President Bush disrespected the whole process at the very beginning. Arriving at the debate venue in a fur coat surrounded by exotic dancers isn't very presidential. Also, his solid gold goblet[complete with "G-Dub" spelled out in diamond] on the podium was very distracting.

Senator Kerry didn't fare much better. I'm sure his handlers thought that crashing in through the ceiling on a jetpack would convey a sense of leadership. It came across as unnecessary, and the resulting debris cloud obscured the first 12 minutes.

And while I thought Jim Lehrer did an admirable job of moderating the debate, at times I felt he was too strident. Yes, Kerry did go over his alotted time for one of his responses, but that was no reason for Mr. Lehrer to break his finger and threaten to kill his children if it happened again.

The presentation left me scratching my head. I'm no prude, and I understand the need to attract an audience, but I question the use of the Man Show's Juggies as 'halftime entertainment'.

Overall, I felt that Senator Kerry won this particular debate. I don't condone his use of a taser, but it's hard lose a debate when your opponent is unconcious and twitching.

As I understand it, the next debate is due to take place in a 20-foot tall steel cage.

Take Care,

Mike G.