The Topless Scientific Method...

After the radio show Richard invites us out to a local Gentleman's Club. Not wanting to be impolite, I graciously accepted[Free admission].

So there I am, surrounded by spinning colored lights, and pounding bass from apparently 100 different speakers. Oh, there were also naked women there, but I digress.

I'm taking thimble-sized sips of my $5.00 soda, and watching the various Ambers, Cyndees, and Mercedes display their wares. Some hidden voice at random intervals is exhorting the audience to 'show their love' and that Chloe is due on the main stage.

In the time I've been involved with Richard's show, I've gotten the opportunity to speak with people from all walks of life. One of the more intriguing types is the 'Self-Employed Model'. This term covers a lot of ground, and can mean anything from the girl that stands next to the boat at the convention center, or a Playboy Playmate, or even an adult film actress. I noticed that there's a unique pecking order/hierarchy for these ladies, and it's mostly self-enforced. Of course, there's a great deal of societal pressure to maintain this order. Here goes...I'll start from the top of the 'food chain' so to speak...famous people. I'll do the non-famous list later.

• The Serious Actress/Model - refuses any sort of nudity. May even balk at lingerie or bikinis.
• Maxim/FHM/Stuff/GQ Girl - has no problem with any sort of skimpy clothing, but always with a strategically placed sheet, arm, or other prop.
• True To The Story - A quick flash of nudity, done in the spirit of 'Art'. This type keeps Mr. Skin in business.
• Playboy Celebrity - This is for the woman needing a popularity boost. Your former child star 'all grown up', pop singer, or daughter of a famous person. This is followed by...
• Nude Model - Late night cable and direct-to-video were her homes, but she's made it big online. Which leads us to...
• Porn Star - Usually have no pretensions about their work...becoming more and more mainstream...masters of marketing themselves.

For better or worse, a self-employed model can only go one way on this scale, and will be categorized as such. For instance, Jenna Jameson has been in plenty of magazines without being nude, and made many TV appearances while remaining fully clothed. But she's still a porn star. The Playboy Celebrity [Drew Barrymore] stands a better chance, but that usually means it's the third question asked, instead of the first.

If I'm completely off the mark, please comment below.

Take Care,

Mike G.