Cracking Down...

Earlier today, the WWE instituted a substance abuse and drug testing policy. This will be a very interesting development, since in part, steroids shaped professional wrestling during one of it's greatest booms.

Some of the substances banned by this policy are as follows:

Anabolic Androgenic Steroids:

androstenediol, androstendione, bolasterone, boldenone, chloroxomesterone (dehydrochlormethyltestosterone), clostebol, dihydroepiandosterone, dihydrotestosterone, dromostanolone, epitestosterone, 4-chlortestosterone, fluoxymesterone, formebolone, furazabol, mesterolone, methandienone (methandrostenolone), methandriol, methenolone, methylclostebol, methyltestosterone, methyltrienolone, mibolerone, nandrolone, norandrostenediol, norandrostenedione, norethandrolone, norethindrone, oxabolone, oxandrolone, oxymesterone, oxymetholone, stanozolol, stenbolone, testosterone, trenbolone

Benzodiazepines:

Alpha-hydroxy-alprazolam(Xanax), Lorazepam(Ativan), Nordiazepam(Valium), Oxazepam(Serax), Temazepam(Restoril)

Diuretics:

acetozolomide, amiloride, bendroflumethiazide, benzthiazide, bumetanide, canrenone, chlormerodrin, chlorthalidone, diclophenamide, ethacrynic acid, furosemide, hydrochlorothiazide, mersalyl, spironolactone, triamterene

I've decided that in the spirit of fairness, our WWE Fantasy Wrestling league should go by the same policy. Like the policy states, investigations will occur if any of the following are observed:

1. physical signs of red or droopy eyes, dilated or constricted pupils;

2. slurred speech, stumbling, or hyperactivity;

3. needle marks;

4. repeated unexplained disappearances from an Event;

5. unexplained lateness in arriving for an Event;

6. nose constantly runs, appears red, or persistent sniffling;

7. time distortion, including repeated tardiness and missed appointments;

8. chronic forgetfulness or broken promises;

9. accidents during Events;

10. inability to concentrate, remember, or maintain attention;

11. mental confusion, paranoia, or presence of abnormal thoughts or ideas;

12. violent tendencies, loss of temper, or irritability;

13. extreme personality change or mood swings;

14. deteriorating personal hygiene or appearance.

Hopefully I've posted this in time for our league members to clean themselves up before our next event. Oh, for those of you who are curious, thesporq.com is still in first place with 1214 points, and I'm ready for testing at any time.

Courage,
Mike G.

Nip It In The Bud, Andy...

Goodbye Barney.

Courage,
Mike G.

Sweet...

All hail to the greatness that is SuperHeroHype...


According to Sony, this is a color photo of Spider-Man, which opens up a whole kettle of fish. To be more precise, your nerd level can be approximated by your response to the picture. Oh, nitpickers can grab a super-size version here.

The Black Costume came about almost as an accident.

While fighting The Secret War, Spidey picked up what he thought was a futuristic costume but instead was an alien symbiote. Spidey rejected the symbiote, which later bonded with reporter Eddie Brock and became Venom. Not to make a long story longer, but as of this writing, the current Venom is Mac Gargan, better known as the Scorpion.

But as readers of Churn know, Comics and Movies based on those Comics usually have very little in common. Most sources claim that actor Topher Grace is playing a character named Venom, but it's unknown which version. Ain't It Cool's claiming that it might be The Ultimate Marvel version, but that conflicts with other rumors.

So, what could make Peter Parker create a new costume without the red and blue? Will it have the white spider insert? Could it be that this isn't a picture of Peter Parker?

It is known that Thomas Haden Church will play The Sandman, and Every Orthodontist's Dream Kirsten Dunst is still Mary Jane.

Courage,
Mike G.

Not Enough Hours In The Day...

Like most fans of 24, we sometimes have to justify some of the odder things that happen during each day/season. There's been impromptu torture sessions [electrical wire and Laser Floyd], terrorists with all kinds of bad accents, the most tactless IT person of all time, rogue nukes, killer viruses, and even cougar attacks.

Worse yet, 24 is beginning to suffer from The Island Effect.

As in Gilligan's.

Basically, the Island Effect occurs when the strongest plot device of a show becomes it's weakest. Examples:

The Shield
Sure, it's a complex and gritty drama, but the main hook[how long can Vic Mackey stay ahead of his enemies] is becoming meaningless. It's becoming less and less of a issue. You no longer question if he's going to get away this time, because the show's been picked up for another season.

Lost
Again, the strengths of this show are rapidly turning into weaknesses. This is a side argument, but it seems that the runaway success of the show has taken the creative team by surprise. So much so, that there seems to be no coherent thread throughout.

Now with the recent deaths of President Palmer and Michelle Dessler, 24 is adding some unpredictability to the mix. But like the above shows, there's a Catch-22. If Jack Bauer doesn't save the day, there's not much of a reason to watch. But if he succeeds, it's not much of a shock.

Oh well, hopefully Kim will show up in a few hours/weeks.

Courage,
Mike G.

The Road is Long...

Here's some pics of the Wrestlemania Axxess tour bus. They made a quick stop at TicketStock this year, and later tonight WWE Legend Hillbilly Jim is hosting a No Way Out party in Sherman.


You know, that's an excellent example of how high quality parts can improve any chassis.


you can't tell by the pictures, but this year Ticketstock coincided with Winter Blast 2006. This made stepping outside the Plano Centre a very dubious proposition.

Courage,
Mike G.

Obscure Trivia...

Back in 1998, the then-named WWF put on a pay-per-view event entitled No Way Out. Under the threat of legal action by WCW, the event was renamed No Way Out Of Texas.

Anyways, here's a quick and dirty breakdown of the matches set for this Sunday.

Nine-Man Cruiserweight Championship Match

Almost all of the Cruiserweight Division will be gunning after current champ Gregory Helms in a match sure to feature any number of suicidal moves and death-defying leaps. While I'd like to see one of the Mexicools or even Brian Kendrick win the title, I see the former Hurricane retaining the title after some nefarious doings.

WWE Tag Team Champions MNM vs. Matt Hardy & Mystery Partner

Sadly, MNM seem to have cornered Smackdown's tag team market. Whoever Matt recruits to be his partner will not be enough to take their titles. A quick look at the Smackdown roster leads me to think that Matt's partner might be a WWE blast from the past. Of course, my wish [one of the junior division, maybe Super Porky] will probably not happen.

JBL vs. Bobby Lashley

JBL has remained a strong heel, even without the WWE Title. Recently his ire has been directed towards Bobby Lashley, who has yet been defeated in singles competition. This is a bit of a retro style match. Two guys have a problem with each other, and after circumstances that have prevented them from meeting face-to-face, they finally have a chance to settle things. I see the Lashley experiment continuing, so I'll say he takes this one.

Booker T vs. Chris Benoit for the United States Championship

Booker has done something unique in defending the US title twice without actually stepping into the ring. Tomorrow, Chris Benoit[The World's Best Technical Wrestler] gets another shot. As I have done every single time a PPV preview features Benoit, I predict he will win back his title, leading him back on the road to the WWE Championship.

Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton

In a somewhat shocking move, Rey won the 2006 Royal Rumble. This usually means you have a first-class ticket to Wrestlemania. Unfortunately, Rey has to defend his opportunity against Randy Orton. In an uncomfortable blend of real life and wrestling storylines, Randy has been calling out Rey by running down his late friend Eddie Guerrero. I'm not sure how this will pan out, but I'm hoping to see Rey in that Wrestlemania main event. I won't be shocked if it doesn't happen, though.

World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

This match owes a lot to random chance. And Mark Henry.

When he got hurt in a match with Mark, World Heavyweight Champion Batista had to vacate the title, which was won by Kurt Angle. After defeating Mark at the Rumble, The Undertaker entered the arena in a horse-drawn chariot. He then called down lightning to destroy the ring, all the while giving the international "I want the belt" hand signal.

While putting the Belt on Angle may have been unplanned, it's been a good move. As much as I like The Undertaker, I don't see this as the right time for a title run. Besides, he still has to keep his Wrestlemania undefeated streak alive. Angle retains due to some unplanned interference, which sets up a match with Undertaker at Mania.

Courage,
Mike G.

p.s. The US Women's Curling team had one of their best games today, defeating Italy 11-3. Sadly, they're almost mathematically eliminated from advancing to the semi-finals.

Clarifying...

Perhaps I wasn't too clear last post.

More specifically, I think the Johnson Sisters have a nice, small town, girl-next-door quality.

Sorry, but not every girl I write about is going to be a Melissa Theuriau or a Keeley Hazell.

By the way, congrats to the girls for winning their first match earlier today. They'll need to build on that win if they want any chance at all for medal contention.


Courage,
Mike G.

Hey Now...

While I'm not sure that they'll make me take up the sport, the US Women's Curling team is pretty easy on the eyes.

Courage,
Mike G.

Chuck Norris is Afraid...

Courage,
Mike G.

Heh...

Thanks to the fine folks at The Cotton Factory.

Courage,
Mike G.

And Now the Churn Delegation...

So I'm watching the opening ceremonies, and my first thought:

This is the greatest collection of odd hats in one place ever. From knit baseball caps with built-in pigtails for Germany, Kyrgyzstan's two-level sailing hats, Mongolia's fox-head creations, to the US berets that were made by a Canadian company.

Secondly, I'm not sure what to think about the countries that send one or two 'competitors'. I know that at its core, the Olympics should be about international cooperation and understanding, but I'm wondering how much easier it would be if the Olympic Comittee just sent them a few pins and t-shirts and told them to stay home. Also, by the time the games are over, we'll be treated to an assault of touching vignettes about the Argentinian entry in the biathalon, and how due to bad planning he was unable to bring his skis to the event. [I made that part up]

And I'm curious as to what might happen about nine months from now. By the time the closing ceremonies wrap up, folks will be able to say "No really, I'll call you." in about 4 different languages.

Courage,
Mike G.

No Chocolates?

An early Valentine's Day gift for you, the Churn Nation:

Thank you Boing Boing!

Shout-Outs...

Every so often, we here at Churn like to give a bit of a thank-you to our readers. So here's a few of our recent visitors, courtesy of the fine folks at Sitemeter:

Central Missouri State University
Founded in 1871, CMSU is located in Warrensburg, just outside Knob Noster State park. Go Mules!

University of North Texas
Home of the Mean Green, UNT is located in Denton, TX. Interestingly enough, the college radio station's call letters are a bit out of order, though I'm not sure why...

University of Maryland
Home of the Fighting Terps, their women's basketball team defeated No. 1 ranked North Carolina earlier today.

Boeing
Producers of everything from the 747 jet, the JDAM missle, and the Space Shuttle. Of course, that's only a few of the things that are listed in print. I would assume they have their catalog of Death-Rays and Mindwarp tools in a more private place.

HM Revenue and Customs
As in Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs; they're a bit like the US IRS, with a bit of Labor Department and some Border Patrol thrown in. They also handle some environmental issues.

These are a few of the visitors that Churn sees. Granted, most of them come here in the hope I've posted another Keeley or Lucy bikini shot, but a few come back, which is pretty cool.

Courage,
Mike G.

p.s. Some other visitors included Lockheed-Martin, Halliburton, Raytheon [I've apparently got a Military Industrial Complex fanbase]

Bowl Thought 2...

And what's with the semi-wearing of football jerseys [almost like a scarf or odd necktie]?

Mike G.

Bowl Thoughts 1...

Good God, when will Burger King's ad folks stop smoking crack?

Courage,
Mike G.

I Still Think it's Funny...

taken on Greenville Avenue 1-26-06
Originally uploaded by thesporq.

Was bored, so I thought I'd show you the sign I was talking about way back when.

Courage,
Mike G.

Who Gets The Nice Bedroom?

Even though I'm no longer appearing there on a semi-weekly basis, I still listen on occasion to 1310AM The Ticket.

The afternoon show, The Hardline has a recurring segment that's slightly dark but sometimes fascinating. Not only do they subscribe to the theory of the trifecta, or belief that bad things come in groups of threes, but they also hold that the the three unfortunate souls must share a three bedroom apartment in the afterlife.

So we've got feminist author Betty Friedan, beloved actor Al Lewis, and less than 24 hours for the third tenant.

Could it be Dick Bass?

Or is there someone waiting in the wings, so to speak?

And we haven't even discussed how they're going to split up the weekly chores once they find their third.

Courage,
Mike G.

To Your Health?

So I'm wondering...

Does anyone else like to drink orange juice mixed in with an equal amount of sweetened iced tea?

How about Coke and Sprite?

Just wondering.

Courage,
Mike G.